chapter ten

I’ll Lead
You Home

So your life is completely in order. You’re spending regular time with God, you’re making your faith a priority, and you’re finding ways to give back some of what God has given to you by reaching out to others. Life should be great, right?

You would think. But you remember Job, don’t you? A whole book of the Old Testament is devoted to his story, and it’s not the most uplifting tale—at least in the beginning. The Bible says he was “blameless and upright” (wouldn’t we all love for God to say that about us?), but by the end of Job chapter 1 his children are dead, his camels and sheep have been stolen, and his servants have been carried off or killed. Not exactly a story you’d use to sell people on the benefits of living the Christian life.

These calamities didn’t all happen by accident, either. Satan saw that Job’s faith was strong so he suggested that if this godly man’s situation changed, he’d quickly turn from praising God to cursing Him. But even when he was covered with painful sores from head to toe, Job didn’t give in. Things were so bad at one point that his wife encouraged him to go ahead and curse God and die, but Job replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10).

Even in the midst of all his suffering, Job understood that God doesn’t owe us anything. What Job had was God’s to give, and it was also God’s to take. He didn’t worship God because of what He’d given him in this life (although he certainly enjoyed those things and was thankful). Instead, Job worshiped God because he knew it was what God deserved.

YIELD

What do you have to lose that would be the modern day equivalent of Job’s servants and livestock? How would you respond if those things were suddenly taken away? Would you have the strength to keep praising God as Job did?

TESTING, 1, 2, 3, TESTING . . .

What does this have to do with you? Well, unfortunately, once you start doing the right things, making good choices, and actively looking for ways to grow in your faith and share it with others, you’re a prime target for spiritual attack. True, you don’t have a herd of camels to lose, but follow God long enough and there will be trials that test your faith. And these aren’t the multiple-choice kind of tests that you can cram for the night before. I know. I’ve been there.

Not that I would compare any part of my journey to Job, but I can relate to some of the questioning he did, asking God what was going on. In 1995, I found myself asking some similar questions when I wound up in what I can only describe as a desert. I was in a spiritual funk, and try as I might, I just couldn’t seem to snap out of it.

Now, I had read all about Job many times, and I knew of other more recent stories of good Christians going through bad times, so I was somewhat prepared. I knew deserts were a part of life. If we want the peaks, those great high points where we feel like we’re invincible, we have to take the valleys as well. It’s a package deal. So I was okay with visiting the desert, I just didn’t want to live there. But as the months dragged on, I didn’t see any end in sight.

Depression was a new thing for me, and I couldn’t understand it. My family was fine. I was fine. It just didn’t make sense. Worst of all, since I didn’t know what brought it on, I didn’t have any idea how to fix it. You start to wonder, Is there something wrong with me? But I knew I wasn’t going crazy. I was sure it had to do with the spiritual world, that other world that I wish we could see. I was being attacked. I just didn’t know why. And I couldn’t figure out why it was taking so long to get through this. As a result, a lot of my prayers consisted of going, “God, deliver me. What are You trying to show me here? What am I doing wrong?” I was really struggling to figure it out.

Finally, after six months of waiting and wondering, I got up early one morning and drove to my recording studio. It’s tucked away in an old house, and I knew it would be quiet there. It wasn’t even light out yet when I arrived, but I made my way inside, went into my office, and I just lost it. Eventually I ended up at the piano, where I often turn when I don’t know how else to express what I’m feeling, and the words “Leave it to Me; I’ll lead you home” came to me. Suddenly, after months of praying and struggling, I felt like the Lord came and rescued me. On that morning, He pointed the way out of the desert, and that was when I started coming back.

YIELD

Have you ever found yourself in a spiritual desert, feeling far away from God and not sure why? When did it end and what brought that about? What did you learn from that time in your life?

Looking back, I still don’t have many answers. I don’t know what was different about that particular morning or why God chose then to deliver me. I just know that suddenly I wasn’t under the water anymore. It was like I was healed, like I had been paralyzed and then I could suddenly walk. I was free. It was the wildest thing.

I’m also not sure exactly what God wanted me to learn from my time in the desert. I still look back on it and find that I’m not sure why it happened. I probably won’t ever know, but I know what to do the next time I find myself in a similar situation. To get myself through, I quoted a lot of scripture, particularly the Psalms, in an effort to stay positive. I have a lot of them memorized and would repeat them to myself when I was feeling particularly low.

I would also pray scripture. There were times when that was really all I could do because I was so down I didn’t know what else to say. It was something Don Finto had taught me one day when we were walking around Radnor Lake. He sat me down and started talking to me, but soon enough I realized he was really quoting Colossians. He had it memorized. The difference was, he was personalizing it, changing it so that is sounded as if Paul had written that letter directly to me. It blew my mind and I thought, I have to learn how to do that! Now keep in mind, I barely passed English in high school, and I still have to put cheat sheets on my piano when I play, so how was I going to memorize? Well, Don suggested I start with Colossians 1:9–16. I went home that night and stayed up until three o’clock in the morning and memorized it. Other passages followed. Psalm 139. Psalm 138. Romans 8. I did Colossians 1. I did Colossians 3. And I just started praying scripture. Little did I know how helpful it would be to me down the road.

To me, there’s nothing better than praying scripture. It’s very affirming. You can be in the lowest funk of all, and you read certain parts of scripture and it’s impossible for it not to make you feel better. I found that quoting and reading scripture helps to put it all in perspective, no matter what you’re going through. Otherwise, when you’re having a tough time, it can be hard to pray. Your prayers pretty much consist of saying, “Lord, help me,” and you groan and moan through that. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you end those prayer sessions pretty much how you started: focused on you and with little perspective.

YIELD

What do your prayers look like? Do they mostly consist of a list of things you want from God, or do they include praise, thanks, or even times of worship? Have you ever prayed scripture before? How might doing that change your prayer life?

WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

One question I’ve certainly given some thought to since that period of my life is why God lets us go through those times to begin with. I wish I could say I’ve come up with some amazing answers that make it all worthwhile, but it’s a mystery. Despite not having it all figured out, though, I do firmly believe that God uses it for good, and I did learn a few things during my days in the desert. Also, I think you come out being a much stronger person than before. I know I emerged with a stronger faith.

My time in the desert seemed to serve as a sort of refiner’s fire. It kind of tests you to see what you’re made of. For me, it gave me an amazing confidence. I had survived! It was affirming to know I had made it through and that I could do that again if I had to. I don’t want to, but I could. So I know for sure that those times of testing strengthen your faith.

One other truth I came to grips with during my desert experience is that I am not in control. Even more alarming, I never will be. That can be a hard lesson for anyone to learn. It’s easy to imagine that if we do all the “right” things, if we show up every week for Sunday school, if we eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, if we come in before curfew, if we love God and love our neighbors, we’ll get a certain result. But life isn’t like one of those experiments in chemistry class where if you add solution A to solution B, you’ll know with certainty that you’ll get reaction C. It’s unpredictable. Sometimes you mix all the right ingredients together and what it produces is a great big mess. Not that you shouldn’t continue to do the right things, just do them knowing that you won’t get a guarantee of a nice, comfortable life in exchange for your obedience.

Any sense of control we have in this life really is an illusion. Job’s story definitely teaches us that. And it seems like the more control you think you have, the more God works on teaching you to depend on Him for everything. I feel like I’ve done almost everything. I’ve won lots of awards, and my career success has brought me money, so I have the freedom to do things that aren’t available to everyone. But having so much has taught me an important lesson. None of it is going to make me truly happy. I try to think of something new I can do, somewhere I can go, or something I can buy that will float my boat, and nothing does. I can’t think of anything that I want to do that will really make me fulfilled. That’s because only God can really, truly satisfy me. Job knew that. He wasn’t happy because of all the things God gave Him. He was content when He rested in God’s love. Having more opportunities let me learn that lesson a little earlier.

YIELD

Do you think that ultimately you’re in control of your life? What are you afraid would happen if you surrendered control? Have there been specific situations that have proven to you that you’re really not in control? How did that make you feel when you realized it?

No matter how much we have (or don’t have), we all have a choice. I know who I am and where I came from. I know God guides my every step and knows every hair on my head. I know He knows when I’m going to die and how long I’m going to live. It’s my choice to surrender that control and to look at the big picture.

Job did, and he was eventually rewarded. I did, and I came out the other side a wiser, stronger person with a faith that’s unshakeable. No, I don’t have it all together. I still look up to others in my life, guys who lead by example. But I’ve got the important stuff down cold. I know I’m nothing without the Lord in my life. I know I’m not God, and I’m not in charge.

We’re never going to fully understand the mysteries of God this side of heaven. Fortunately, we don’t have to in order to love and serve Him. And as we do that, the road won’t always be smooth. There will be mountaintop experiences, and, whether we like it or not, there will be valleys. We can’t avoid them, but we can learn from them. So when you hit a rough patch, trust that you’re there for a reason. And know that God will be there to see you through.