My Emmanuel Moment
I stood with my wet hands braced on the edge of the kitchen sink and looked up at the ceiling with tears in my eyes. I no longer felt God’s presence. As much as I looked, I couldn’t find Him.
We had stopped attending church, having watched every pastor and mentor we knew fall out of ministry. The disappointment had taken its toll on my faith and left me numb. I longed for the days when my faith was on fire, when I was passionately leading people to Christ and bringing the hope of the gospel to the lost. There was nothing that brought me more joy than witnessing people being reconciled to their Creator and being set free from sin.
Now that joy seemed like a vaguely recalled dream; I knew it had happened, but the details were a little fuzzy. Doubt had taken root and wound itself into my memories, causing me to wonder if my personal experiences were just a figment of my overzealous imagination.
I began to pray. I needed God to show me He was real. I knew I couldn’t halfheartedly ask such a thing from God, that it needed to come from my heart. I looked toward heaven and simply prayed, “God, if you are real, and you are still here, please show me.”
I did not believe God would answer me. I crawled into bed that night feeling no different and hopeless. Then I began to dream.
I dreamed I was sitting down, surrounded by people crowding me and shuffling past—their dirty sandals kicking up dust and barely missing my fingers that rested on the ground. The large white columns of the inner courtyard made it difficult to see, so I stood and moved in a little closer to get a better view of the commotion. A Roman centurion was going through the crowd and questioning each person. I became frightened and turned to leave, but then I saw Him. When you see Him, you know Him.
It was Jesus. He was behind me, sitting casually against the wall and looking out at the crowd. The soldier raised his voice, demanding the people tell him who this man was. They started yelling, “Blasphemer!” and all kinds of names.
I knew who He was. I knew He was innocent. I wanted to scream for Him to answer them, to put a stop to the false allegations! But Jesus didn’t speak. He sat silently gazing out at His accusers.
When the Roman soldier had maneuvered his way over to me, he stopped. Looking directly into my eyes he said, “Who do you say this Jesus is?”
I walked over to Jesus, let my hair fall to cover my face, and sat at His feet. As I did, the story of a woman who had followed Jesus just to be able to touch the hem of His garment flooded my mind, and I reached out and touched His leg. I was shocked to feel His hand rest on my head. I looked up into the gentlest eyes I have ever seen.
At once, my spirit was infused with supernatural peace, gratitude, and the joy of knowing and being known. His eyes pierced my soul so deeply that had I not known Him as my own, I would have been frightened.
I stood, shaking, but determined to speak to His accusers. In a loud and clear voice I answered them, “He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. But His kingdom is not of this world, as you all fear. It is the kingdom of heaven. He alone can save you. He alone is our Savior and Deliverer from evil. He is who He says He is, the Son of the Living God, and I believe Him.”
I looked into His gentle, sea-green eyes, and wished time would stop. His face began to fade as His Spirit spoke to my spirit. His soft smile was full of assurance.
As I woke, I knew this dream was a gift from God and a personal answer to my prayer—my very own Emmanuel moment.
Earlier that day, I had wondered if God would show me who He was by performing an unmistakable miracle or speaking audibly, but that night in my dream He did the unexpected. He allowed me to have a glimpse of His glory, face-to-face. He gave me the opportunity to proclaim once and for all who He is so that in every problem I face or trial I go through I can place my hope on the unchanging answer to the most important question: Who do I say He is?
Sometimes He sends His angels to protect and comfort His children or leads a dear friend to pray with and encourage us, but that day at the sink, Jesus heard my heart’s cry and answered me himself. To see His face is to see hope and to know truth. He is the Almighty God, Creator of the universe, and He will never leave us or forsake us. He is waiting to answer our prayers, but sometimes we are asking the wrong questions.
During faith-defining moments, the Holy Spirit is right there covering us with grace and mercy, leading us, guiding us toward Him. He knows our deepest needs, and He knew better than I did that what I needed was the strength to stand and declare who He is in my life. I have never been the same.