Most of the following week was guilt-ridden. I talked with Molly on the phone and I talked with Amanda on the phone. I even managed to avoid mixing them up. The guilt I felt about everything did not help me make a decision which I was clearly very bad at doing. I had tried to meet up with Molly again during the week, but she’d cried off saying she wanted some time and space to think things over. She told me that she did want to see me again, but wanted to get Jamie out of her life before that happened.
On the Thursday evening she’d phoned and explained how she was feeling. I could tell from her voice she’d been crying.
‘Jamie was here this evening picking up more of his stuff. He’s not making it easy on me and you’ve obviously not told him about us yet.’
I had not been able to bring myself to do it – it was unfair I know – but it was all tied in with my indecisiveness. I was being unreasonably selfish and would no doubt come to regret it later.
‘I know, I’m sorry, Molly, I just haven’t found the right time.’
‘Well you’ll need to find the right time soon, I’d hate him to find out any other way.’
‘Can’t you put an announcement on Facebook or something?’ I suggested flippantly.
‘I bloody well will do that if you don’t tell him.’ Molly sighed. ‘Look Andy, I don’t really care, he’s going to be out of my life soon anyway – hopefully by the weekend when he picks up the last of his stuff and gives me the flat keys – but if you want to retain some kind of friendship with him, you’d better tell him about us.’
I changed the subject. ‘What’s happening with the flat and things?’
‘He’s seeing the lawyer tomorrow – one that I’m paying for, of course – to sign everything over to me. It feels like all I’m gaining is heartache and a load of debt, but I suppose it will be my debt.’
‘Well at least it allows you to move on.’
I could hear raw emotion in Molly’s voice. ‘Yeah, I suppose. I could really do with a hug right now.’
‘I wish I could come over, Molly, but Amy is sleeping, why don’t you come here?’
‘Tempting, but no I still want to wait a few days. After tomorrow things will feel clearer for me I reckon.’
‘Do you want to meet up tomorrow?’
‘No, I promised my mum we’d go to the cinema tomorrow and Saturday I’ve got to take her to my gran’s in Aberdeen.’
‘Sunday evening then?’
‘Meeting up on a school night, Mr Hunter? That’s brave.’
I laughed. ‘It’s not a school night for me anymore – no job, remember?’
‘Oh yes, I almost forgot about that – OK let’s go for Sunday evening – I will still need a hug.’
‘I’m sure I can manage that.’
After she’d hung up I was glad she had not suggested Saturday as that was the night Amanda was coming to my flat for dinner. I had yet to decide what to cook but something simple, like spaghetti bolognaise, that even I couldn’t balls up was probably a good idea.
I had changed into my PJs and was contemplating one more cup of Earl Grey before bed when my phone pinged. I read the text and knew that I wouldn’t be going to sleep anytime soon.
Hi gorgeous. Your dutiful wife Lindsay here. Just typed u another email – so read it when u get a moment – as it’s < 10 at night where u are Amy should be sleeping and u will be thinking about going 2 bed – ur so predictable! Do u still love Earl Grey? J
PS if u have proved me wrong and are right now sweating between the sheets with a hot bitch I don’t want 2 know! Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Linz xxxx
I logged on to the iPad and wondered what she had in store for me this time. I noted whilst logging on that I was not looking forward to reading her emails as much as I used to. This was probably because they complicated my life, but then had that not been her intention all along?
Love Byte 5 – 5th November
My gorgeous husband
What a wonderful night we had! Fireworks, drinks and sex – what more can you ask for? Well I’d maybe liked to have eaten something but never mind you can’t have everything and I don’t want to get fat do I?? LOL
You and Amy are both sleeping soundly and I’m in the kitchen drinking your Earl Grey tea and typing (obviously!). I keep waiting for you to get up one of these nights and ask me what I’m up to – but it’s not happened yet.
I feel pretty good tonight. I’m still glowing from our lovemaking which we need to do more of (as long as I’m up for it – or you are able to get up for it – I know I’m not a pretty sight these days).
OK down to business. As Stan Laurel said to Oliver Hardy after he’d burned his house down, ‘I don’t think there is much more I can do for you here’. I’ve played all my cards and you are in the hands of the gods.
I do hope that you and Molly get together. I know she looks very like me and that might feel a bit weird but she has a completely different personality. (Also her skin is much nicer than mine – that always annoyed me – maybe you can tell her that one day.)
If you have already found someone via Love Bitz then that’s great too. If neither of these options has worked then hopefully – if nothing else comes out of this – you will have stopped moping around thinking about me as much.
I wish I could scoot forward in time just for an hour or two to see what has happened – that would be so much fun and would set my mind at rest.
OK I’m away for now, I’m going back to our warm bed to spoon into your back. Hopefully I’ll still be horny in the morning and we can have another shag – bliss!
PS I wonder how many more times we will make love before I die – hey that’s a good title for a song –‘making love before I die’ – the sort of thing Girls Aloud would do – I wonder if they’re still together.
Your gorgeous wife
Lindsay
Xxxxxxxx
I logged off sadly. Poor Lindsay. That was the last time we made love. I remembered looking at her in the morning after I’d woken up and thinking how peaceful and contented she looked. That’s why I had tiptoed through to the bathroom to shower and get ready for work. I think I had even left the house before she woke up. If I’d known she wanted to make love again I would have stayed in bed with her, or at least woken her up.
We didn’t know at the time but that was her last week at home, and from then on the pain got worse and the drugs stronger. I went to bed with a heavy heart and shed a few more tears for my poor dead wife. Perhaps they were for myself and Amy – it was hard to tell at times.