Traveling to New York was something Elle loved, the whole ‘bright lights big city’ thing worked for her. But the infuriating news from Jade earlier in the day had dulled her enthusiasm for the trip. She felt angry and taken for granted; her contribution ignored and her position diminished. While Elle had always taken pride in her work, the truth is, if she’d chosen the game, she’d be playing a different one. She was leaning towards hawking antiques in a high-end auction house just after college, but was offered a hard-to-get sales-trainee position at Eaton Global Tech. Her mama, wanting only the best for Elle, prodded her into taking the corporate path. “I know you ain’t gonna turn down that good job to peddle old furniture and light fixtures,” she’d said.
Once in the ranks, Elle poured herself into it. And though she learned early that proving herself was a perpetual requirement, she’d believed that Eaton Global Tech was a place where loyalty and integrity were held in high regard. But she also learned that loyalty was fluid (in corporate speak) and integrity was a matter of opinion.
Just as she finished packing, her cell phone rang. Olivier's name flashed on the caller ID.
“Hey Olivier, glad you called back so quickly,” she said.
“Your message said it was important. What's shaking boss?”
“I’m leaving for NYC in the morning, and Peyton's gonna be here alone until he heads to your place on Friday.”
“What, no sitter?” Olivier asked.
“Well, he gave me so much grief about it,” Elle said. “He feels he's old enough to stay home alone and take care of things. I admit, I’m not completely convinced, but he is 16 and I said I’d give him a shot.”
“Damn, that's mighty liberal of you. You sure you don’t want me to come get him? He can stay here starting a few days early.”
“Liberal of me…what's that supposed to mean? And you live an hour from school, it's not very convenient. Anyway the neighbors across the hall and downstairs are gonna keep an eye out. They’ll check on him in the evenings too. And he's very clear on the rules, home before eight and no company allowed.” Elle paused, “You disagree?”
“Look,” Olivier said, “he's a smart, semi-responsible kid.” He laughed. “He’ll be fine. I’ll stay in close touch with him. Don’t worry about it. By the way, you sound kind of stressed, something I should know about?”
Elle was surprised that he picked up the tension in her voice. Being attuned to a woman's feelings had never been Olivier's strong suit.
“No…just some dumb shit happening at work,” she said. “I’ll get it straightened out, but thanks for asking.”
“Well, don’t let the white man's bullshit get to you,” he said. “It’ll always be there, not ever gonna change.” He paused, “You know I got your back …no matter what.”
Elle smiled. “Thanks Oliver, I appreciate that.”
“Alright, now let me talk to my son, make sure his ass is with the program.”
Elle took the phone to Peyton and came back to check her packing list once more before closing the luggage. She knew what was next; the dreaded call to Darien. They hadn’t spoken since Friday's awful dinner, though he’d left a message earlier in the day. It was long and drawn out and not the least bit apologetic. Said he decided not to call until he was sure Jade was gone, and that both she and Jade owed him an apology. Just thinking about it made Elle want to pull her hair out. She’d rather run through hell in gasoline draws than talk to his ass. Her mama used to say that. And she knew what Mama Jewell would tell her now. Do what you gotta do when you know you gotta do it.
She bit the bullet, grabbed her phone and tapped his picture. It rang enough times that she expected to go to voicemail. He finally answered.
“Hold on,” he said.
Waiting longer than she cared to, she considered hanging up, but they needed to talk.
“So,” he said, after returning, “at least you found time to call me back.”
“Darien, I don’t think you want to start out pointing fingers.”
“I’m just saying I called quite a few hours ago.”
“I’ve had a trying day,” Elle began. “And I didn’t get a chance to pack and prepare for my trip until this evening. So…”
“Yeah, well that's part of what I wanted,” he said. “What's your hotel? I’m leaving late tomorrow night, probably won’t get there until around midnight.”
Elle's shoulders tightened. Did he really think he was still meeting her in New York? “Are you serious?” she asked.
“It's the earliest I could get out,” he said. “I have a dinner scheduled with Glenn. He's introducing me to some of the Mayor's people.”
By now Elle was sitting on the velvet bench at her dresser, phone in one hand, head pressed against the fingertips of the other. “Darien, there's no way I’m meeting you in New York.”
“What the hell do you mean?” he asked, his tone hardening. “It's been on my schedule for more than a month.”
“I know it's on your schedule,” she said, “but after the bullshit on Friday, how could you even imagine we’d have any fun?”
“I agree Friday was fucked up,” he said. “And I really wish it hadn’t gone that way.” He sounded sincere. “But I could not believe the shit Jade pulled. Getting all up in our business like that? Who does she think she is? I won’t be bothered with that shit again.”
There was a time when Darien's complete lack of perspective and unrestrained arrogance would have riled Elle beyond her ability to cope. Her first choice would have been to calm him, bring him around to her way of thinking. When that failed, as it often had, she might have yelled and screamed to make her point. But today the fight was gone right out of her. Perhaps in part because of the business drama, but more because she wasn’t clear what she was fighting for. Her relationship with Darien had turned to pure shit and there was no getting around it, or stepping over it.
“I’m not surprised,” Elle said. “Everything happens to you. You never play a role when things go wrong.”
“I’m not saying that.”
“That's exactly what you said.”
“I’m just saying that Jade was out of line, that's all.
“And what about you,” Elle asked, “were you out of line?”
“Look Elle, I was on edge Friday and may have let it spill over without checking it. I’m sorry if I ruined it for you…. but things aren’t easy for me either.”
“What?” Elle needed a repeat. “What did you say?”
Silence.
“What, Darien? What isn’t easy?”
“This!” he said, raising his voice. “This change in us…this distance…it hurts me too.”
Elle's hand covered her mouth as she listened. He’d never said it before. Not once. Never said he was sad or lost or even missed her. She felt her eyes filling with warm tears, but she was determined not to cry. “Why won’t you fix it?” she asked, jaws tight, anger replacing sadness.
More dead air.
He cleared his throat. “It's not simple,” he said, “I hate telling you this, Oletha's not leaving. She's tired of living in another city, wants to live in her own house here in Chicago. Be closer to her grandchild.”
Elle's heart vanished from her chest, leaving only the void where it once rested. Lukewarm tears returned, daring her to blink. She fucking refused. “How long have you known?”
“She's been saying it since spring,” he admitted. “But I thought it was just talk. You know her, the big important job comes along no matter what city and she's gone. It's always been that way.” He paused briefly. “This time she didn’t start looking until July and refuses to look outside of Chicago. The furthest away she’ll consider is Milwaukee, so she can commute during the week and come back to the city on weekends. I guess it's starting to get to me that I can’t control it. I mean, I can’t make her leave… it's her house too.”
Elle's voice went missing as well which didn’t matter because her brain couldn’t conjure any words. She’d known things were bad, and this felt fatal. Do not resuscitate. Her mama would have called it ‘that last straw that broke the camel's back.’
“I…I don’t know what to say.” She managed a sentence.
“Listen,” Darien said, sounding patient. “You get some rest, and we’ll talk about it in New York. There's something we can figure out, there always is. She’ll have to travel and we’ll get our time…we’ll work it out. Believe me, we will. Now…what's your hotel?”
A bitter taste filled Elle's mouth. She put her hand on her stomach and bowed her head. “Don’t come to New York,” she said.
“Elle, come on,” Darien spoke softly. “We’ll find our way. I promise. Please tell me where you’re staying.”
“No…you can’t come.”
“Baby…please.”
“I just want the time alone. OK? And…there's so much work. I can’t deal with you being there. Just stay home.”
“I don’t want to Elle. I want to be with you.”
Elle was shaking her head. “I’m gonna make some tea and go to bed.”
“When will I see you?” he asked, sounding sad and maybe a little scared. “We have to talk Elle, we have to be together. You’re back Friday, right? I’ll come over Friday night.”
“No, I’m…with Berns Friday.”
“OK, Saturday morning, then. We’ll do breakfast at our favorite spot, alright? You get some rest, don’t worry about a thing. I’ll see you Saturday. I love you baby…more than anything.”
Something thick had found its way into Elle's throat. She swallowed hard and used her thumb to push the ‘end call’ button. Lifting her head, she closed her eyes, his words echoing in her brain, I love you baby, more than anything.
Elle had been so sure of her place in his life. She was his priority, dammit. He’d proven it again and again. Like the year her birthday celebration was scheduled at his condo on the 52nd floor of One Magnificent Mile, and Oletha decided to come home for the weekend, calling at the last minute. Darien didn’t seem the least bit worried and said he’d take care of it. And he did. Elle never knew what he told his wife, but she ended up staying at the cabin in Galena, and Elle's birthday soiree proceeded as planned. Truth is, the reality of Oletha had rarely caused them to alter their plans, and never in a significant way. But for almost ten months now, the life they shared had been altered, and Elle no longer recognized it, or them.
Just then Peyton called out from his room. “Mom,” he yelled. “Can I get some help please?”
Elle opened her eyes.
“Mom.”
“I’m coming,” her throat cleared just enough to allow words. She stood; straight and tall, then took a deep breath. Heading toward Peyton's room, she knew in that instant, without question, what loving someone more than anything was all about.
And it was clear that Darien did not.