Twice she found his name in her contacts, and twice she closed it down again without ringing.
Come on, she told herself. What’s wrong with you? You’ve just given yourself a stern lecture about being such a wimp, and now you can’t even make one simple phone call? Come on. Fortune favours the brave, and all that.
She tried again. Her finger hovered over the call icon for a few seconds, and then she held her breath and tapped it.
Done. You’re committed now.
The phone rang for ever.
He’s seen it’s me, and he’s not going to answer, she thought. He doesn’t need any more grief from me, so why would he answer?
He answered.
‘Hello, Izzy.’
She expected more. Sarcasm, maybe. What is it this time, Izzy? Plummers hide something under your floorboards? Something along those lines.
She was glad he hadn’t gone down that route. He still sounded less than pleased to hear from her, though.
‘Hi,’ she said. ‘How has your day been so far?’ That’s it. Be friendly. Normal. Someone he wouldn’t mind chatting to.
‘You want to know how my day has gone?’
‘Yes.’
‘My day has been shit. My day has involved trying to find two 244women who have gone missing and having no success whatsoever. As I foretold, it has also involved trying to explain to my boss yet again why I thought it necessary to drag him away from his wife and kids to help me dig a hole in the woods.’
‘Oh.’
‘Yes, oh.’
‘Sorry about that. But you’ll be glad to know that I’m not ringing you up to ask you to do anything like that.’
‘Well, that’s nice to hear, because I was looking forward to another fruitless excursion to take my mind off a day in which I haven’t even managed to have lunch yet.’
Ah, she thought. The sarcasm at last.
‘Three o’clock and you haven’t had lunch?’
‘No.’
‘Well, that’s good.’
‘That’s your definition of good?’
‘Yes. No. What I mean is, you should have lunch. With me. I’ll buy you lunch.’
There was a long pause. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, Izzy.’
‘It is. It’s a very good idea. The best idea.’
‘No, Izzy, it isn’t, and you know it.’
She knew nothing of the sort, but she let it ride. ‘Coffee, then. And cake. We could go to Claudette’s, like when we first met. For old times’ sake.’
‘Old times— Izzy, you’re acting like we’ve known each other for years.’
‘Feels a bit like that, to be honest. In a good way, I mean. Like, I really think we understand each other now.’
‘I’m glad one of us feels that way.’
‘Yes, well, anyway … Can we do that? Meet for coffee?’
‘No, Izzy. I appreciate the offer, but I’m really too busy.’
It was a brush-off. He wanted nothing more to do with her, and 245it made her sad.
‘Then … can we at least just meet up for a few minutes? Carrick Park is just around the corner from your station. We could meet there.’
‘Izzy … what’s this all about?’
‘It’s just … I don’t like the way we left things. You think I’m a nut, and I get that, I understand why you feel that way, but … I want to say goodbye properly.’
‘You want to say goodbye?’
‘Yes. Properly. I’m not going to bother you again after today. Not ever. Not even with inside information on a plan to rob the bank on Dunster Lane.’
‘There’s going to be a bank robbery?’
‘No. At least I don’t think so. That was just an example. My point being that nothing will compel me to contact you after today. Not if you let me say goodbye. We need closure.’
‘Closure.’
‘Yes. I like things to end properly, like they do in books. Life is messy enough without leaving shoelaces untied.’
‘That’s a great saying.’
‘I think so. I just made it up. Now will you meet me? Please?’
A heavy sigh. ‘All right, Izzy. I’d hate you to go around tripping over your shoelaces. What time?’
‘Say fifteen minutes? Carrick Park. I’ll see you on the first park bench when you reach the lake.’
‘I’ll do my best.’
Izzy said goodbye and hung up, and then found to her surprise that her heart was pounding furiously, like she’d just been sprinting. She wondered why, and then she realised it was because this was important, and she had to get it right. It would be the most crucial test she’d ever had of her ability to use her gift wisely.246
* * *
Twenty-five minutes later, he still hadn’t showed up. She was freezing her arse off on an ice-cold bench, wondering how it was that the ducks in the water didn’t seem to feel the cold, but also thinking that Josh had found more important things to do. Because, let’s face it, spending his time with a crazy woman in a park was probably not too high on his list of priorities right now.
He could at least have let me know, she thought.
She checked her phone, in case she’d missed a message. An emoji, perhaps, or an amusing GIF. Anything that would suggest he hadn’t blown her off completely.
There was nothing on her phone.
She thought about ringing him again, then decided it wasn’t worth it. She’d prefer not to have the let-down spelled out for her like she was an idiot.
‘Hey,’ said a voice from behind.
She turned. It was Josh. Good old dependable Josh. How could she ever have doubted him?
‘Sorry I’m late,’ he said. ‘Had to deal with a couple of things.’
She wondered what it was like to be so busy all the time. Must be exhausting. At the bookshop she found it stressful enough coping with a line of more than two customers at the till.
‘No probs. Have a seat. Hope you’ve got your thermals on, though.’
‘It’s okay. I’ve got tights on under these trousers.’
‘Really?’
‘No, not really. I only wear women’s underwear on my days off.’
She placed a brown paper bag next to him. ‘I got you something.’
‘Victoria’s Secret?’
‘Better than that. A coffee and a piece of that cake you like. Did you know Claudette’s does takeaway? Coffee might be a bit on the tepid side now, though.’247
‘I’ll take anything. I feel like somebody’s put a nil-by-mouth sign on my back.’
She doled out the food and drink, pointing out that she’d opted for the lemon drizzle again. She hoped the nostalgia might help to soften him up a little.
‘So,’ he said when he was halfway through his coffee and cake, and all the perfunctory stuff was out the way, ‘I can’t spend long here, Izzy. They need me to solve all their cases.’
Meaning, Get on with it already.
‘Does that include Rosie and Melissa?’
He gave her a look that told her the remark was uncalled-for.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean … What I was trying to say, what I was trying to ask was whether you’d made any progress on the missing person cases.’
‘Some. None. Depends how you look at it. There are lots of things we’ve ruled out, not so many we’ve ruled in.’
‘So you still don’t know where they are or what happened to them?’
He shot her the look again.
‘Oh, shit,’ she said. ‘I’m ballsing this up already. I’m not having a go, honestly. I was just hoping there might be something. Melissa was my friend.’
‘Was?’
She didn’t bother changing it to ‘is’. This wasn’t a time for wishful thinking; it was a time for facing up to hard truths.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said again. ‘I had a whole speech prepared, and I’ve already strayed off the page.’
‘A speech?’
‘Don’t panic. It won’t take hours. There are just some things I need to say to you.’
‘You’re making me nervous.’
‘Not half as nervous as I am.’ She took a deep breath. ‘The first 248thing I want you to know is how hard it was for me to come to you in the first place. I don’t make a habit of these things. In fact, I pretty much do everything I can to avoid it. People are problematic for me, and their emotions are even more problematic.’
‘Well, I suppose that people and their problems are what keep me in a job.’
‘Don’t get me wrong. Some people are lovely. My partner Andy is lovely, and you’re lovely too.’
‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome. But generally, I shy away from getting to know people too well because of all the baggage they carry. I’ve lost count of the number of times that I’ve tried to use my gift for good and it’s backfired on me. You remember I told you about my dad?’
‘I remember.’
‘Yeah, well, there was also the time I tried to help a girl at school who was being abused. She ended up taking her own life.’
‘But not because of what you did.’
‘Debatable. Anyway, I’ve got lots of stories like that. I dropped out of university because I kissed a girl who fancied me.’
‘That sounds like a bad reason to drop out.’
‘This girl didn’t know she fancied me. To be more accurate, she didn’t want to admit to herself that she fancied me. She was brought up a strict Catholic, and homosexuality wasn’t allowed through the door. Cut a long story short, she turned against me and started spreading nasty rumours. I was already pretty isolated and that just made it worse, so I packed my bags and came home.’
‘That was a pretty shitty thing for that girl to—’
‘And then there was my first real job. Before I went to the bookshop, I worked in a shoe shop. Just a sales assistant, nothing fancy, but I liked it.’
‘So what happened there?’249
‘I went to the boss and told him that one of the other assistants was a foot fetishist.’
‘And was he?’
‘Oh, yeah. But only I could see how he got turned on every time he went near someone’s pinkies, even though I wanted to barf at some of the feet I encountered. It was his word against mine, and the boss decided to believe him – who, by the way, was a friend of the boss’s family – so I was fired.’
Josh raised his eyebrows and shook his head. ‘Again, another tough—’
‘So you see what I’m up against. When I try to fix things, I break them even more. It got to the point where I’d just stopped trying.’
‘And maybe that’s for the best. Maybe—’
‘Until Kenneth Plumley decided to go on television. He changed things. I could have ignored it. I could have just carried on with my life and pretended it was none of my business. And you’re right: maybe that would have been the easiest thing both for me and for you.’
‘Well, I won’t argue with—’
‘But it wouldn’t have been the right thing, would it? I had to try. I had to tell you what I knew, even though my stress levels were through the roof.’
Josh went silent for a moment, as though he was starting to feel uncomfortable.
‘Izzy, you told me. You got it off your chest, and I investigated, and that’s it. It’s behind us now.’
He was ready for the goodbyes. Practically ushering them in.
‘The other thing I want you to know is that I’m not nuts. Not even mildly eccentric. This thing with Plumley hasn’t worked out for me, I accept that, but it’s not because it’s all in my head. The gift I have is real, and it’s not just about card tricks. I know things.’
‘We’ve had this discussion, Izzy. What you know and what you 250can prove are two different things. I hope you agree that I’ve listened to you and I’ve acted on everything you’ve told me, but it didn’t pan out, did it? We have to move on. You have to move on.’
‘Yeah, that’s what I told myself. And you’re right. I promised you that I would stay away from Plumley, and I’ll stick to that promise. There’s nothing more I can do.’
‘No.’
‘But you can.’
‘I can what?’
‘Earlier on, I asked you about the missing women. Rosie and Melissa. You admitted you’re getting nowhere with it. I bet the same is true for that other girl, Heather Cunliffe. You still haven’t arrested someone for that, have you?’
‘Izzy, I don’t think we should carry on with this. You told me this was about saying goodbye.’
‘And it is! But just hear me out. Please. You’re getting nowhere because you’re looking in the wrong places and at the wrong people. It’s Kenneth Plumley. He’s your man. He took all three women, maybe more, and he killed them and he hid their bodies.’
Josh’s discomfort had nudged into the irritable stage. ‘Okay, Izzy,’ he said. ‘I’ve come here and I’ve listened. Thank you for the coffee and the cake. It’s been nice knowing you.’
He stood up, on the verge of exiting her life forever.
She made her move.
‘How did your wife die?’ she asked.
He was stunned for a couple of seconds, then attempted a recovery.
‘I never said she died. I said we were no longer together.’
Izzy shook her head. ‘She died, Josh. And you were devastated.’
‘I … Who told you that?’
‘You did, Josh. Even if the fact that you keep photographs of her on your desk wasn’t a big enough clue, I read it in you when 251you spoke about her. I know you now. I know how you feel about things. You miss her terribly. What you said was true, but I could tell it wasn’t the full story. And when you told me that you listened when she said things had to end between you, you weren’t talking about your marriage, were you?’
Josh turned visibly pale and had to resume his seat on the park bench. He said nothing for a while, and then: ‘She … Her name was Emma. She found out she had a brain tumour. What they call a glioblastoma. There was nothing the experts could do for her. When she said it was time to end things, she was in a hospital bed and I was holding her hand. She was talking about withdrawing from treatment, about ending her life. We’d only been married two years.’
His pain came at Izzy with agonising force. ‘Oh, God. I’m so sorry.’
‘If anyone who doesn’t know the story asks about her, I dodge the question. It’s easier. Their pity brings it all back. Even now I find it difficult to cope sometimes.’
‘But at least you’ve stopped drinking.’
He stared at her again. ‘How …?’
‘Your reaction last night when I talked about going for a drink. I’d felt it before from you, but last night I was certain. There was a hatred there, but also a regret and a hope that you’d never go there again.’
He nodded. ‘After the loss of my wife I became an alcoholic. There’s no other word for it. When it started interfering with my job, I went to AA meetings. I’m nearly six months sober now.’
She smiled. ‘Congratulations. That’s huge.’
‘I haven’t told anyone about that. How did you know?’
‘I told you. I’m not a crazy person and I’m not just a card magician. I can pick up on these things.’
He nodded, but she could tell there was still some doubt there, 252some suspicion that she must have done some digging around and unearthed the truth about him.
It was time for the final revelation.
‘There’s something else I know about you.’
‘What’s that?’
‘The real reason you’ve been so helpful to me, so willing not to dismiss me as just another nut-job.’
He said nothing. Just waited.
‘What is it, Josh? What is it about me that reminds you of Emma?’
His eyes glistened. ‘I … I don’t know. Something about you. Your smile, maybe. Your voice. I don’t know. It was … I’m sorry. It was stupid of me.’
She reached out for his hand. ‘It’s not stupid at all, Josh. We all want to hang on to things from our past. I wish I could bring her back for you. I wish that was my gift.’
He looked down at her hand, then back up again. ‘I miss her so much.’
‘I know. But you’re strong. It’ll get easier.’
They stayed like that for a while, hand in hand, and then Josh suddenly cleared his throat and stood up.
‘I should get back.’
‘Yeah. I … I didn’t mean to keep you here so long.’
‘That’s okay. I learned a lot today. Mostly about myself.’
She laughed. ‘I wish I knew myself better.’
He nodded. ‘So we got to it eventually.’
‘What?’
‘The point of all this. The bit where we say goodbye.’
‘I suppose we did. Is it okay to give a police detective a hug?’
‘Not usually, but I think I can make an exception on this occasion.’
They embraced. Izzy wrapped her arms around a collection of 253confused emotions, but amongst them was the bitter-sweetness of one final hug with his wife.
‘Goodbye, Izzy,’ Josh said.
‘Goodbye, Josh.’
He walked away slowly. She let him get a few metres before she found her parting words.
‘He’ll go back.’
Josh turned. ‘What?’
‘Plumley. I don’t think he’ll have gone back to the woods last night, after what happened. He’ll have been too spooked. But he will soon. Tonight, tomorrow night, but definitely soon. They’re in those woods, Josh. The girls are in there somewhere.’
He didn’t answer, but resumed his weary departure. When he was out of sight, Izzy sat back on the park bench and cried copiously – tears of remorse for the way she had manipulated Josh, but also surrogate tears for the man who had fought so desperately not to shed them himself.