I swung by the condo to pick up Madame, then drove to Pier 52 in Seattle and bought her a Big Mac at the McDonald’s next to the ferry terminal. I parked on the boat’s lower level, then carried the dog to the open deck on top, walking all the way to the ferry’s aft so she could eat in peace. Behind us the sun was beginning to set behind the Olympics, casting golden light over Seattle’s skyline of steel and glass. When the ferry’s horn blew, signaling departure, I picked up Madame. She was quivering.
“I know how you feel.”
The boat pulled away from the dock and I grabbed the rail, using my left hand because the dog was in my right. The sunlight landed on the ring, igniting the stones. Such a specific ring. More geological than social. And no diamonds because I disliked their frigid white light. DeMott knew me so well. And he knew my crazy mother, and my sister who was so self-absorbed she couldn’t bother visiting the asylum. He knew this dog, trembling under my arm. And he loved me.
So why was I feeling so hopeless?
Gazing down at the water, I watched as it churned with the engine thrusters that pulled the ferry from the creosote pilings. A hypnotic froth the color of sea glass, it made me feel like I was back on that cruise ship. Pulling away from land, worrying about DeMott.
I glanced at the engagement ring.
Engagement.
When he gave me the ring in December, engagement meant a promise to marry. Life together, forever. But nine months later the word was rearing its head, whispering the more militant definition. Engagement, a battle between armed forces. I closed my eyes and gulped the salty air. Do. Not. Cry.
When Madame growled, I opened my eyes.
The man standing next to us wore Ray-Ban sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt—bright orange—that screamed, Look at me!
Jack.
“Sorry to bother you.” He held up a road map. “I’m trying to find Port Angeles. Do you know the roads?”
I glanced over my shoulder. A pregnant woman chased a preschooler across the deck, begging the girl to walk. Two teenagers, a boy and a girl, sat in the metal chairs that were soldered to the deck. And an old man sat across from them, reading a newspaper. His face resembled an unbaked potato. I watched him the longest. His eyes kept drifting from the paper to the teenagers. The girl was leaning into the boy, close, as if the wind off the water was cold.
I whispered, “What are you doing here?”
“You need backup.” His voice was low, barely audible. “Or maybe a life raft.”
“Excuse me?”
“Harmon, you look like you’re going to jump overboard.”
Madame growled again. I turned away. The ferry was about a hundred yards from the pier. The increasing distance combined with our angle on the water made the skyscrapers look like they were stepping down the hills, shrinking into the sidewalks.
Jack cleared his throat.
I looked over.
“Triple A said I should cut across the island.” He was raising his voice again. “Something about Port Angeles being over there.” He slid the Ray-Bans down his nose and brought the map closer, like he was nearsighted. He whispered into the paper, “Where’s the fiancé?”
“None of your business.”
“You’re right,” he said loudly. “I better stick to the west side.” He tapped his finger on the map. “You ever been to that place called Deception Pass?”
Before I could answer, the map billowed like a sail. Jack lunged for it and bumped my hip. Madame barked. The map blew out of his hands and Jack turned to run after it. The old man looked up from his newspaper, following with his eyes, but the teenagers were making out, oblivious to the world. The small child clapped her hands at the silly-looking man who chased the paper kite.
My hip ached where he hit me. Shifting Madame, I noticed my handbag was open. And something was in there. I glanced across the deck. Everyone was watching Jack make a spectacle of himself. I peered into the purse, then set Madame down on the deck.
“Don’t run away.”
She stood, legs stiff as tent pegs, unsure of the engine vibrations in the deck.
I reached into the bag. Sig Sauer pistol. Small can of Mace. When I looked up, Jack was grabbing the map from the half-wall where it had plastered itself. He headed back toward the aft, passing the mother and toddler. “I should’ve just bought a GPS,” he said.
When he came up beside me, he was trying to fold the map. Then he handed it to me. “Maybe you can do it.”
I saw a small black-and-white photo. It covered one square inch of urban Seattle. I folded the map’s outer edges, staring at the mug shot, trying to memorize the man’s face. He looked scraggly but handsome, his dark eyes filled with a belligerent expression.
“Arnold Corke,” Jack whispered. “The radical years.”
I glanced over my shoulder, still folding the map. The mother and child were gone. But the teens were still locked together. The old man gazed at them, half fascinated, half horrified. I reached into my purse, moving aside the gun and Mace. I lifted the Saran Wrap with Gordon’s bloody Kleenex, placed it under the map, and handed both to Jack. I wanted to deliver the soil samples to Rosser myself.
“DNA sample. Can you get it to O’Brien?”
He raised his voice. “I see what you mean, yeah, that sounds like a good route to take.”
I kept my voice down. “Did you do the background checks?”
“You know,” he said loudly, “I haven’t had a moment to rest on this vacation.” Then his voice dropped, almost hissing. “So the fiancé’s gone?”
I looked away. The wind rippled the water.
“He went home,” I said.
“Where he belongs.”
“Excuse me?”
“He sounded uptight on the phone.”
“Is this gun loaded?”
“He says your name weird.”
“It’s a Southern accent, genius.”
“Not that. It’s the way he—”
“You don’t deserve to know this,” I hissed, “but he went to see my mom at Western State. And she couldn’t stop smiling.”
There. That shut him up.
He watched Madame trying to walk across the deck. She was pausing between each step, uncertain.
“You got to see her?”
“Yes.” Sort of. “But guess who’s working down there, on her ward?”
He rubbed the stubble on his chin. “I can explain, if you’ll give me a chance.”
I couldn’t see his eyes, the sunglasses were too dark. There was only my own reflection on the black lenses. And I was frowning. Until my eyes suddenly widened. A bomb detonated inside my heart. The heat traveled up my throat, into my cheeks.
“You . . .” I could barely speak. “You didn’t.”
“I thought Felicia could help.”
It wasn’t Aunt Charlotte. She didn’t send Felicia down there. How stupid of me. How naive. Incredibly naive.
“Harmon—?”
I hated him with fresh passion. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Mostly because Felicia’s a total frosted flake. I thought she’d back out and then you’d be disappointed.” He glanced over his shoulder. The man with the newspaper gaped at the teenagers, whose kissing had escalated to groping. “And for another thing, you’re undercover. You’re not supposed to know everything.”
There wasn’t enough air. I turned my face into the wind, hoping it would invade my lungs. “How . . . ?”
“How did I get her the job?” He shrugged. “My sister’s a shrink. She knows people.”
“People like Dr. Norbert.”
“Shrinks are always friends with each other. Because nobody else will hang around them.”
The ferry blew its horn. I looked over. We were approaching a gravelly bay. It sloped from a ridge lined with large houses, and I could see a couple strolling down the beach hand in hand. Suddenly yesterday’s visit with Freud came back. He kept asking about my mother and Felicia. Curious about their relationship.
“Way to go, Sherlock.” I turned back to Jack. “Now I’m in real trouble.”
“Why?”
“Because Freud was asking about Felicia. And I pretended not to know her. But he knows the FBI put her in there. Right?”
Jack looked at the folded map in his hands. A shudder went through the deck as the ferry slowed its engines. I patted my leg, calling Madame. She ran, scrabbling over the deck, more than ready to be picked up.
Jack said, “How is she?”
“Who?”
“Your mom.”
My emotions seemed to swirl with the wind—confusion and resentment, gratitude and hostility—and when the twister touched down, it hit one inevitable fact. I was stuck. Boxed in from every side. A bad fiancée. With too much work. A mother with mental illness. And Jack.
The ferry blew its horn again. The old man stood and waved the newspaper with disgust at the teens who were still locked in lust. He had a slow, stiff walk, and his skeptical eyes lingered for a moment on Jack’s Hawaiian shirt. He gave another wave of disgust with the newspaper, and suddenly another emotion joined the tornado ripping around my heart. His scorn triggered a protective feeling for Jack. And I didn’t want it.
Lifting my chin like Eleanor, I spoke to the stranger in the Hawaii shirt.
“I’m just visiting,” I said, projecting the words. “And I won’t be here long.”
I followed the old man to the door. Madame felt warm in my hands. But my ears had filled with the sound of rushing wind.
If Jack replied, I didn’t hear.