Thank you to the editors of the following journals, which first published these poems, some in slightly different forms:
“Yolanda & Selena Don’t Talk Anymore”—Redivider Journal
“My Lover Shows Me His Gun Collection,” “Untitled For Now”—Pigeon Pages
“I’m Not a Virgin But”—Cosmonauts Avenue
“The Future is Lodged Inside of the Female”—Breakbeat Poets: Latinext
“Yolanda Saldivar Gets Away With It,” “Hellraiser,” “Karaoke Interlude,”—The Poetry Project,
The line “As a star I can only see because it has died,” is inspired by a line in Nicole Sealey’s “Medical History” in which she says, “And I understand/the stars above me are already dead.”
The poem “Resurrecting Selena” is after Terrance Hayes’ poem “Instructions For A Séance with Vladimirs”
The poem “I am So Lonely I Grow a New Hymen” is after Sandra Cisneros’ poem “I Am So in Love I Grow a New Hymen”
The poem “Will We Ever Stop Crying Over the Dead Star?” is after Olivia Gatwood’s poem “Will I Ever Stop Writing About the Dead Girl?”
“Poem For Fucking a Fish” would not be possible without Jamie Loftus’ Paste article, “Creatures and the Women Who Want to Fuck Them”
Certain passages from the Chismosas are inspired by theory from Deborah Paredez in her book Selenidad, where she speaks about Selena’s murder being the product of patriarchy and the way “Como la Flor” is a song about collective cultural pain.
Selena’s Sonnets were taken from a compilation of interviews digitized by the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History called “Selena Interview 1994” and parts 1-4 of a Youtube series called “Selena: Funny Diva Moments” uploaded by youtube user Mister Golightly.
The line “a fist the color of a heart before it turns blue” is from the testimony of Dr. Louis Elkins during Yolanda Saldivar’s trial.
I want to first thank my family. To Mami & Papi, for giving me the privilege of dreaming. To my big sister Stephanie, who showed me Selena. To my haunted little sister Mariajose, who inspired the freakiness of this book. Thank you Tío Juan for the story. A mi Abuelita, la doña Fransisca Villeda: yo siempre escribo por ti.
Many, many thanks to my phenomenal agent Rachel Kim, for her irreplaceable eye, her encouragement, and her perfectionism. To my editor, Danny Vazquez, all-around cool guy, for advocating for me so much and taking a chance on my freaky book. To the folks at Astra House for giving these poems a home. To Polly Nor for illustrating the coolest cover ever and Richard Oriolo for the amazing design. Thank you. You all made my dreams come true.
I am immensely grateful for my time at NYU. So much love and appreciation to Matthew Rohrer, for when I said that I wanted my thesis to be a rock opera, you said, “hell yeah.” I’m so thankful for the guidance of Terrance Hayes, Deborah Landau, Rachel Zucker, Hari Kunzru & Sharon Olds. My cohort was really special, but I especially wanted to shout out Sarina Romero, Kyle Carrero Lopez, and Crystal Valentine. I am forever thankful for our “study group” and this book would not have existed without your good humor and your care. I also have to thank all the teachers who believed in my silly ass over the years: Mr. Finnegan, Mr. Giordano, Mr. Morris, Ms. Dilworth, and Lowry Pei.
Thank you Olivia Gatwood, for being so obsessed with dead girls & dying with me, believing in me so fiercely, and teaching me how to love people better. Puloma Ghosh, my forever-friend, for always looking backward with me & for the notebooks. My love to Delilah, Anna & Leila, my first roommates in New York City. Thank you Lauren & Elizabeth, who put up with Frank. Joey Tepper, who gave me the nightmare tinder bio. Sam Rush, who is canonically the most popular in school. Jessi Rizkallah, who was a protagonist with me after I had a panic attack at Barclay’s. Jamie Loftus, who helped me reach the creepiest parts of myself & kiss them on the mouth. Luna Gallegos, who made sense of me being a touring artist while I wrote this book. Ellen Kempner, who, without her songs and without her fierce friendship, some of these poems wouldn’t have been possible. Samuel Abotar-Ogoe Jr., who showed me “Bones.” Christopher Lee-Rodriguez & Tiffany Mallery, whose union made me believe I had magic powers. Sami Martasian, who gave me slime. Eduardo Rivera, Eduardo Palma & Alejandro Viera, who let me in the band. One day I’ll write songs in Spanish. Hieu Minh Nguyen, who made me a better writer and a better friend. Thank you, Tatiana Johnson-Boria, who told me I was ready to go to New York. Jared Gniewek, who turned karaoke into heaven. Will Zhang, who sent me songs & chisme. Thanks to Hannah Rego, who screamed next to me. Suzy Exposito, Don Calva, Hannah Schneider, Melissa Rocha: I hope we can sing together soon. Thank you Porsha Olayiwola & Janae Johnson, who brought me to poetry. Thanks you Jonathan Mendoza, for the help with the very first drafts of the Yolanda poem and for the convos about identity. Thanks to Zoey Walls, Liam, Liz Sher, Nina Jobim, Jazzy D., Rae Jereza, Jess H., Jon S., all of my exes, Topos Book Store, Café Erzulie, Mil Mundos Book Store, Harvard Book Store, and the Ridgewood Public Library. And thank you Ben, for getting stuck in my head. I dreamt about you the most.
One more: Who would I be without Selena Quintanilla-Perez? Thank you. Rest easy, reina.