31

 

Enrique held Jamie’s arm as they walked down the steps of the police station together, mildly surprised that she actually let him. Night had fallen. It had been daylight when he’d entered the station.

Donald Trump had been very clear that she wasn’t off the hook, but Enrique assumed that was more about saving face than not believing Jamie.

Jamie collapsed into the car seat making no effort to move.

He leaned in and fastened her seat belt. His hand brushed her cheek as he straightened up. Normally, she would have slapped his hand away and made a sarcastic comment.

“Jamie, are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital? I’m thinking it might be a good idea.”

“I’m fine. Just exhausted.”

He drove in silence. She wasn’t the same person he’d first met. This Jamie was more vulnerable and despite her initial animosity about having him as a partner, she appeared to appreciate him being there. His mind drifted to the case.

One of the reasons Jamie was so good at undercover work was because she had a knack for meeting the right people. He thought of their missed meeting in the diner. “You need to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Well, I am.”

She didn’t say anything but laid her head back, her eyes closing. Her face softened as she relaxed into sleep.

He went through the fast food drive-through and picked up some food.

At the motel, he walked around to her side and opened the door. He knelt to unlatch the seatbelt.

Her eyes opened wide. “What in the world...”

“It’s OK. We’re back at the motel.”

“Oh. I must have fallen asleep.” She reached down to unbuckle her belt.

He scooped her up and lifted her from the seat.

“I can walk, Ricky.” Even as she protested, her head fell back on his shoulder. As he crossed over the threshold of his motel room, she whispered, “Did we get married while I was passed out?”

“That sounds like a fine idea, Jakowski. Shall we?” Images of life with Jamie flashed in his mind’s eye.

“No we shall not.”

He gently laid her down on his bed.

“This isn’t my room.”

“True enough.” He pointed at the door. “That’s your room. While you were missing in action I moved to the adjoining room.”

“I told you I didn’t want you to have a room beside me.”

“So you did. But that was before you disappeared for hours. Like it or not this is my room. And I’m not moving.” He locked gazes with her expecting an argument.

“Whatever. It probably doesn’t matter, anyway. This whole thing is a mess.” It wasn’t like her to second-guess her actions.

“Ryan got the drop on you.” Enrique said bluntly. “He drugged and kidnapped you. That is not your fault.” He handed her a burger. “Eat.”

“I’m not—”

“Eat anyway.”

After a glare, she took a tiny bite.

It was now or never. Enrique finally had a few minutes to talk with her, really talk. Especially about the past. “Jamie, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for the things I said to you that night. I was stupid and I didn’t mean them.”

“That’s not true. You did mean them.”

“Well, maybe I did, but I was a rookie back then. I didn’t understand. I was wrong. I need you to forgive me for the things I said. I am so sorry.”

“Forgive you? I’m the one who needs forgiven. Or are you forgetting what I did?” She set the burger on the bed. “The things I’ve done...” she whispered, her voice haunted.

“You did what you had to do to stay alive. I’m glad you did.”

“I need to rest. I can’t deal with any of this right now.” She moved to the adjoining door.

 

****

 

Enrique followed.

Jamie turned, confused. Had she forgotten something?

He moved closer, his breathing ragged. “Just to be clear, I have no interest in being your friend.” Putting both of his arms above her head and pressing against the door, he leaned down. His lips moved closer until they were almost touching hers.

The doorframe pressed against Jamie’s back. Her heart thumped so loudly she was sure Enrique would hear it. Her body nudged her forward.

Just when their lips were to meet, Enrique stopped. His dark eyes blazed. His touched her cheek with his finger. It left a trail of heat down to her lips. Her heart went wild, and then he gave a gentle smile as he moved away.

He smiled. “I’ll be next door. If you need me, just knock or yell. My side will be unlocked. I can be here in a flash. I’ll always be here for you, Jamie.”

Her knees shook so much she couldn’t move. Jamie stared at the closed door waiting for her heart rate to return to normal. What was that all about? She touched her cheek. It still tingled. Don’t be ridiculous, don’t be fooled again. She’d fallen for Enrique’s good looks once and it hadn’t worked out. Why would this time be any different?

Because they were different people now.

Her eyes filled with tears.

He’d asked her to forgive him. As if he’d been the one who messed up things. Did that mean he could really accept the things she’d done? That he wouldn’t judge her?

She slid to the floor letting the tears fall. She cried for what she’d lost with Enrique, for the lost time with her daughter, and for failing her friend.

If she’d ever been close to finding Andrew for Zink that was no longer the case. No doubt, father and son had disappeared into the wind. And the only link she’d found was dead.

But most of all she cried for Ryan.

A soft knock jolted her back to reality.

“It’s not your fault that Ryan is dead, Jamie.” Enrique’s voice floated from the other side of the door. “Jamie, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”

“I have to prove something to God and to myself.”

“God loves you just the way you are.” He paused. “And so do I.”

Her mind went blank. Enrique still loved her—after she’d betrayed him and herself.

“I know I probably shouldn’t have told you that, but you have a right to know. I loved you then and I still love you. I can accept the fact you don’t feel the same, but that doesn’t change my feelings.”

“How can you love me…after what I did?”

“You did what you had to do to stay alive. Your problem is you think you have to fix every problem for everyone. You think doing a bunch of wonderful, right things will prove to God that you are worthy. But God has already forgiven you. You are not a failure.”

“In this case I am. Ryan would still be alive if I’d not taken this job.”

“You don’t know that. It’s not your fault.”

“If not mine, then whom?”

“How about the person who murdered him?”

“He wouldn’t have been here if it wasn’t for me.”

“He was here because he helped a man kidnap his son and take him away, and he was determined to keep helping him.” A pause. “I’m sorry I came on so strong a moment ago. I was so worried when I couldn’t find you I overreacted. Sorry.”

“That’s OK. It’s been a long day for both of us.” Jamie’s heart lifted. It’d been so long since anyone cared for her. She’d broken off friendships and her relationship with her own twin sister for years to keep all of them safe. That life was lonely.

“It has been. Why don’t you take a warm bath and relax. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

After an extravagantly long bath, she pulled the Bible out of the nightstand—one placed there by the Gideons. Her thoughts returned to Ryan and the Bible she’d given him. Sadness coursed through her.

She rifled through reading a verse here and there, but mostly taking comfort from touching it—holding God’s Word in her hands. It was an awesome feeling knowing that God was here with her. Closing her eyes, she prayed.

Peace poured over her.

Jamie leaned back against the pillows still holding the Bible and slept.