CHAPTER FIVE

September 28th

‘You may be feeling sick first thing in the morning… Your uterus is now the size of a satsuma. The baby has a head and trunk, and a rudimentary brain has formed. Tiny limb buds are beginning to appear. By the end of this week its circulation is beginning to function. The jaw and mouth are developing and ten dental buds are growing in each jaw.’

Mia lay on the carpet in Dad’s room, the book open on the floor. It was Mum’s book. She’d left it behind in the bookcase, along with all the things she wouldn’t be needing any more. Not in her new life, where being a mother didn’t count. The book was called Pregnancy and Childbirth and Mia remembered looking at it before, as a little girl. She’d liked the pictures in it. The spine was creased and torn, as if her mother had read it over and over. A long time ago.

The baby. She hadn’t thought of it as that, not really, not yet. She’d only thought about herself, and about telling Dad, and then, since the rollercoaster ride, she’d just been waiting, and hoping. But nothing had happened. It was still there, inside her, growing bit by bit.

Mia looked up. The cat was scratching at the door to be let out. She picked him up and nuzzled her face in his fur. He struggled to get out of her arms and scratched her in his scrabble to be free. Horrid cat. As a kitten he’d been the sweetest thing.

Four o’clock. Becky would be home by now. She dialled the number from the phone by Dad’s bed.

‘Becka? It’s me!’

‘You been skiving again?’

‘Not really. I felt bad this morning – but I’m OK now. Do you want to come over?’

‘I’ve got too much to do. We’ve got coursework essays for English and History. Honestly, Mia, you’re going to have to catch up masses of stuff.’

‘Don’t you start. You sound like Dad.’

‘Sorry. I missed you. No one to hang out with at break except Ali and she spends all her time chatting up Liam and co.’

‘And Will?’

‘Well, yes. If you really want to know.’

Mia felt tears welling up again.

‘Are you still there? Mia?’

‘Yes.’

‘What’s wrong with you then?’

‘I dunno. I was really tired.’

‘You’re always saying that these days. Perhaps you’ve got glandular fever or something. Have you seen the doctor?’

‘No.’

‘Is your dad home yet?’

‘No.’

‘Do you want to come over? You could have supper with us. My mum won’t mind.’

‘OK.’

‘Good. See you in a minute then.’

‘What about your homework? You said you had to do it.’

‘Stuff that. I’ll do it later. Maybe.’

Mia chose a pair of black trousers from Kate’s wardrobe. She combed her hair and then went through Kate’s old make-up bag left lying on her dressing-table. Next to the mascara and lipstick was a small packet of condoms. Mia shoved it back in the bag. Sensible Kate. Kate never talked about boyfriends or sex, or anything like that. Imagine telling Kate she was pregnant! Or Laura. Or Dad. Or anyone.

*

Mia got her old bike out of the shed. Perhaps if she did lots of vigorous exercise? There was mildew on the saddle she had to wipe off with her sleeve and it left pale stains on her black T-shirt. It was uphill all the way to Becky’s house. Just before she got to the white house on the bend she had to get off and push. The nosy old woman who lived there was in her garden, dead-heading roses and keeping an eye on the lane at the same time. She’d be pleased to have some more gossip about Mia to spread around the village. Mia kept her head down as she passed.

The door was open at Becky’s. Mia left her bike propped against the garage and went in. Becky’s mum was in the kitchen. She came to the doorway. ‘Hi, Mia! OK?’

‘Where’s Becky?’

‘Upstairs I think. You all right? Becks said you weren’t in school.’

‘I’m OK now.’

‘Good. Lasagne for supper?’

Mia nodded.

‘Expect you and your dad are missing Kate’s cooking. Have you heard from her yet?’

‘Just a postcard. From the south of France.’

Becky’s mum sighed. ‘Lucky her. While the rest of us –’

‘I’ll go on up then.’ Mia escaped from the hallway. It was too hard, having Becky’s mum all concerned and motherly about her. A bit of her longed to stay and linger in the warm kitchen, and be fussed over and taken care of. She felt her eyes brim. It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t she have a mother like that? But there was no point thinking like that, was there? She thumped upstairs to find Becky.

Mia and Becky sat on the bed together, backs against the wall. Becky had done up her room like a shrine: candles everywhere, and mirrors on every wall, draped with silk scarves and bits of material Becky had picked up cheaply. Glittery stuff – pink and purple and gold – to make saris and stuff like that. Becky wanted to do Textile and Fashion next year, and then Costume Design.

‘What’ve you been doing today then?’ Becky asked.

‘Nothing. Really boring. Tell me what I missed.’

‘Well, the usual. Ali’s been hanging around Liam and Will again.’

‘What did Will do?’

Becky looked at Mia. ‘He’s too nice to everyone, Mia. He shouldn’t encourage her. You know what she’s like. You should tell her to keep her hands off him.’

‘That’s stupid. I don’t own him or anything.’

Becky shrugged. ‘No, but –’

‘What?’

‘Nothing. It’s your business.’

‘What? Say it. What you think.’

‘Well, you’re so laid back about it, it looks like you don’t care. Get a grip, Mia. You just mooch about saying you’re tired and kind of drifting.’ She stopped abruptly, seeing tears rolling down Mia’s face. ‘Mia? I’m sorry.’ Becky put her arm round Mia. ‘Sorry, sorry.’

‘It’s not you, Becka.’

‘Is it Will and you?’

‘No – yes – sort of.’

‘What then?’

‘I think I’m pregnant.’

‘Oh no! You can’t be – you’re not. You mean you and Will – you’ve been sleeping together? And you didn’t tell me? Mia!’

She sounded impressed, as well as shocked.

‘Becky, it’s serious. My period’s really late.’

‘How late?’

‘Three weeks – more.’

‘What? Mia! But it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. You can be late for lots of reasons – stress and stuff.’ Becky was silent for a moment. ‘Don’t worry. I know what. We’ll do you a test. Just to set your mind at rest. You know, one of those kits.’ Becky began to smile. She looked quite excited. ‘I’ll help you. We’ll get one from the chemist’s and – I’ll be there when you do it – and then we’ll work out what to do next.’ She paused. ‘Blimey, Mia. Why didn’t you tell me that you and Will were doing it? What’s it like? And where? Not at your house?’

Mia started to giggle. She couldn’t help it. ‘It just sort of happened. In that field, near the beach, and it was lovely, Becks. Really amazing. I know it was stupid, you know, not using anything that first time. I just had this feeling it would be all right.’

‘You didn’t? How could you be so stupid, Mia!’

‘Don’t be cross, Becky. It’s too awful. No one knows. You mustn’t tell anyone. Please.’

‘Well –’

‘Please. I couldn’t bear it.’

‘But you need help, Mia. You know, proper help. This could be really serious. Like doctors and stuff.’

‘Not yet. Promise me you won’t say.’

‘Well. For now. OK. But you’ll have to tell your dad sometime, won’t you? My mum would help.’

‘No. No one. I shouldn’t have told you, but I couldn’t not.’ Mia started to cry. ‘I’m so frightened.’

Becky hugged her tight. ‘It’ll be all right. You see. You’re probably not pregnant at all.’

But she wasn’t convincing.