“Amanda terrified at the noise of the Ass upon which Pallet entered her chamber” by Corbould. (© The Trustees of the British Museum.)
Mean while the French syren, baulked in her design upon her English cully,1 who was so easily disheartened, and hung his ears in manifest despondence, rather than run the risque of making a voyage that should be altogether unprofitable, resolved to practise her charms upon the Dutch merchant; and had already made such innovation upon his heart, that he cultivated her with peculiar complacency, gazed upon her with a most libidinous stare, and unbended his aspect into a grin that was truly Israelitish. The painter saw, and was offended at this correspondence, which he considered as an insult upon his misfortune, as well as an evident preference of his rival; and, conscious of his own timidity, swallowed an extraordinary glass, that his invention might be stimulated, and his resolution raised to the contrivance and execution of some scheme of revenge. The wine, however, failed in the expected effect, and without inspiring him with the plan, served only to quicken his desire of vengeance; so that he communicated his purpose to his friend Peregrine, and begged the assistance of his imagination; but our young gentleman was too intent upon his own affair, to mind the concerns of any other person, and he declining to be engaged in the project, Pallet had recourse to the genius of Pickle’s valet de chambre, who readily embarked in the undertaking, and invented a plan, which was executed accordingly.
The evening being pretty far advanced, and the company separated into their respective apartments, Pickle repaired, in all the impatience of youth and desire, to the chamber of his charmer, and finding the door unbolted, entered in a transport of joy. By the light of the moon, which shone through the window, he was conducted to her bed, which he approached in the utmost agitation, and perceiving her to all appearance asleep, essayed to wake her with a gentle kiss; but this method proved ineffectual, because she was determined to save herself the confusion of being an accomplice in his guilt. He repeated the application, murmured a most passionate salutation in her ear, and took such other gentle methods of signifying his presence, as persuaded him that she was resolved to sleep, in spite of all his endeavours: flushed with this agreeable supposition, he locked the door, in order to prevent interruption, and stealing himself under the cloaths, set fortune at defiance, while he held the fair creature circled in his arms.
Nevertheless, near as he seemed to be to the happy accomplishment of his desire, his hope was again frustrated by a fearful noise, which in a moment waked his Amanda in a fright, and for the present engaged all his attention: his valet de chambre, whom Pallet had consulted as a confederate, in his revenge against the lady of pleasure and her Jewish gallant, had hired of certain Bohemians,2 who chanced to lodge at the inn, a jack-ass adorned with bells, which, when every body was retired to rest, and the Hebrew supposed to be bedded with his mistress, they led up-stairs into a long thoroughfare, from which the chambers were detached on each side; and the painter, perceiving the lady’s door a-jar, according to his expectation, mounted this animal, with intention to ride into the room, and disturb the lovers in the midst of their mutual endearments; but the ass, true to his kind, finding himself bestrid by an unknown rider, instead of advancing, in obedience to his conductor, retreated backwards to the other end of the passage, in spite of all the efforts of the painter, who spurred, and kicked, and pummelled to no purpose. It was the noise of this contention between Pallet and the ass, which invaded the ears of Peregrine and his mistress, neither of whom could form the least rational conjecture about the cause of such strange disturbance, which increased as the animals approached their apartment; till, at length, the Bourrique’s retrograde motion was obstructed by their door,3 which it burst open, in a twinkling, with one kick, and entered with such complication of sound, as terrified the lady almost into a fit, and threw her lover into an agony of perplexity and confusion. The painter, finding himself thus violently intruded into the bed-chamber of he knew not whom, and dreading the resentment of the possessor, who might discharge a pistol at him, as a robber who had broke into his apartment, was overwhelmed with consternation, and redoubled his exertion, to accomplish a speedy retreat, sweating all the time with fear, and putting up petitions to heaven for his safety; but his obstinate companion, regardless of his situation, instead of submitting to his conduct, began to turn round like a millstone, the united sound of his feet and bells producing a most surprising concert. The unfortunate rider, whirled about in this manner, would have quitted his seat, and left the beast to his own amusement, but the rotation was so rapid, that the terror of a severe fall hindered him from attempting to dismount, and in the desperation of his heart, he seized one of its ears, which he pinched so unmercifully, that the creature set up his throat, and brayed aloud. This hideous exclamation was no sooner heard by the fair Fleming, already chilled with panic, and prepared with superstition, than, believing herself visited by the devil, who was permitted to punish her for her infidelity to the marriage-bed, she uttered a fearful scream, and began to repeat her paternoster with a loud voice. Her lover, finding himself under the necessity of retiring, started up, and stung with the most violent pangs of rage and disappointment, ran directly to the spot from whence this diabolical noise seemed to proceed, and encountering the ass, discharged such a volley of blows at him and his rider, that the creature carried him off at a round trot, and they roared in unison all the way. Having thus cleared the room of such disagreeable company, he went back to his mistress, and assuring her, that this was only some foolish prank of Pallet, took his leave, with a promise of returning after the quiet of the inn should be re-established.
“Amanda terrified at the noise of the Ass upon which Pallet entered her chamber” by Corbould. (© The Trustees of the British Museum.)
In the mean time the noise of the Bourrique, the cries of the painter, and the lady’s scream, had alarmed the whole house; and the ass, in the precipitation of his retreat, seeing people with lights before him, took shelter in the apartment for which he was at first designed, just as the Levite, arroused at the uproar, had quitted his Dulcinea, and was attempting to recover his own chamber, unperceived; but, seeing himself opposed by such an animal, mounted by a tall, meagre, lanthorn-jawed figure, half naked, with a white night-cap upon his head, which added to the natural paleness of his complexion, the Jew was sorely troubled in mind, and believing it to be an apparition of Balaam and his ass,4 fled backward with a nimble pace, and crept under the bed, where he lay concealed. Mr. Jolter, and the priest, who were the foremost of those who had been arroused by the noise, were not unmoved when they saw such a spectacle rushing into this chamber, from whence the lady of pleasure began to shriek. The governor made a full halt, and the Capuchin discovered no inclination to proceed. They were (however) by the pressure of the crowd that followed them, thrust forward to the door, through which the vision entered; and there Jolter, with great ceremony, complimented his reverence with the pas,5 beseeching him to walk in. The mendicant was too courteous and humble to accept this preheminence, and a very earnest dispute ensued; during which the ass, in the course of his circuit, shewed himself and rider, and in a trice decided the contest; for, struck with this second glimpse, both, at one instant, sprung backward with such force, as overturned their next men, who communicated the impulse to those that stood behind them, and these again to others; so that the whole passage was strewed with a long file of people, that lay in a line, like the sequel and dependance of a pack of cards. In the midst of this havock, our hero returned from his own room, with an air of astonishment, asking the cause of this uproar, and receiving such hints of intelligence as Jolter’s consternation would permit him to give, snatched the candle out of his hand, and advanced into the haunted chamber without hesitation, being followed by all present, who broke forth into a long and loud peal of laughter, when they perceived the ludicrous source of their disquiet. The painter himself made an effort to join their mirth, but he had been so harrowed by fear, and smarted so much with the pain of the discipline he had received from Pickle, that he could not, with all his endeavour, vanquish the ruefulness of his countenance; and his attempt served only to increase the aukwardness of his situation, which was not at all mended by the behaviour of the coquette, who, furious with her disappointment, slipped on a petticoat and bed-gown, and springing upon him, like another Hecuba,6 with her nails, deprived all one side of his nose of the skin, and would not have left him an eye to see thro’, if some of the company had not rescued him from her unmerciful talons. Provoked at this outrage, as well as by her behaviour to him in the Diligence, he publickly explained his intention in entering her chamber in this equipage; and, missing the Hebrew among the spectators, assured them, that he must have absconded somewhere in the apartment: in consequence of this intimation, the room was immediately searched, and the mortified Levite pulled by the heels from his lurking place; so that Pallet had the good fortune, at last, to transfer the laugh from himself to his rival, and the French inamorata, who accordingly underwent the ridicule of the whole audience.
