Here the Misanthrope left off speaking, desirous to know the sentiments of our hero, who embraced the proffered alliance, in a transport of joy and surprize; and the treaty was no sooner concluded than Mr. Crabtree began to perform articles, by imparting to him a thousand delicious secrets, from the possession of which he promised himself innumerable scenes of mirth and enjoyment. By means of this associate, whom he considered as the ring of Gyges,1 he foresaw that he should be enabled to penetrate not only into the chambers but even to the inmost thoughts of the female sex; and, in order to ward off suspicion, they agreed to revile each other in public, and meet at a certain private rendezvous, to communicate their mutual discoveries, and concert their future operations. So precious did Peregrine esteem this treasure, that he would not even make his friend Godfrey acquainted with his good fortune, tho’ the first use he made of it, was in behalf of that young gentleman, whom he undeceived in two very interesting particulars.
The soldier’s addresses were, at that time, shared betwixt two ladies, who received them in a very different manner. By one of them he was caress’d with marks of particular regard, and by small favours flattered with the expectation of supreme success; while the other treated him with such severity and shyness, that he could never find an opportunity or resolution to make an unrestricted declaration of his flame. As every woman has a confidant, to whom she pours forth her heart on these occasions, Mr. Crabtree happened to be present when each of them disburthened herself of her sentiments with regard to her lover; and learned from their own confessions, that the frank lady cajoled him for the sake of the money which he suffered himself to lose at cards, though she had not the least intention to extend her complaisance beyond the limits of exterior civilities; while the prude was actually enamoured of his person, and through a remnant of modesty avoided him for no other reason, but because she knew herself incapable of resisting his sollicitations.
Mr. Gauntlet profited by this discovery, which was communicated to him through the canal of his friend, relinquished the mercenary coquet, and found means to vanquish the reserve of the other. Peregrine himself was, in like manner, set to rights, in certain opinions he had conceived of his own influence with particular ladies; and as no person ever offended him with inpunity, he projected a scheme of vengeance against a remarkable inamorato, who to his assiduities preferred those of a brawny fellow, that, from the place of a private trooper in the horse-guards, had been preferred to the rank of a lieutenant, by the interest of a dowager lately deceased. With this favourite did the lady make an assignation, in the hearing of Cadwallader, who gave our hero to understand, that he was to be received by her woman, in the dark, at a parlour-door that opened into a small garden, the wall of which he could easily overleap, after the servants should be retired to rest.
Peregrine, fraught with this intelligence, resolved to anticipate his rival; and accordingly, by the ministration of his companion, engaged a couple of stout chairmen, who being posted on the spot, seized the lover in his endeavours to surmount the wall, and conveyed him to a place of confinement, on pretence of supposing his design was to rob the house. He was no sooner secured in this manner, than Pickle, being determined to prosecute the adventure, transported himself into the garden, and personating the lieutenant, went to the door, made the signal which had been agreed upon, was admitted by the attendant, conducted to her lady’s apartment, that was darkened for her reception; and having enjoyed his revenge, with every circumstance of satisfaction, made his retreat before day, without being discovered, after having been gratified with a valuable ring, as a testimony of her ladyship’s affection.
Mean while the disappointed captive finding himself involved in a troublesome affair, that must end either in his own disgrace, or in that of his mistress, whom he could not with honour expose, employed all his art in tampering with his detainers, who pretended to have detected him as they passed that way by accident, and who would not listen to the terms he proposed for his release until it was almost day; and then, by the permission of their employers, they set him at liberty, in consideration of five guineas, which he divided between them. From the time of his discharge he waited with the utmost impatience for the hour of breakfast, and when it approached hied him to the house of his Dulcinea, with a view of excusing himself for the breach of punctuality he was obliged to commit.
He was confounded at the air of satisfaction and complacency that manifested itself in the lady’s appearance; but believing it was no other than affectation, to conceal her inward disquiet and chagrin, he assumed a most dejected look, and with many expressions of mortification recounted the cursed accident which had disabled him from reaping the delicious fruits of his expectation. The nymph, who was not all subject to the vulgar symptoms of confusion, hearing this circumstantial detail, fixed her eyes upon the soldier’s countenance, and regarding him attentively for some minutes; “If this declaration (said she) be an effort of your delicacy, you may spare such ridiculous reserve for the future. When things are come to a certain pass, such ceremony is superfluous and disagreeable. But perhaps you remember your good fortune with regret, and actually wish you had met with that adventure you have been at such pains to feign, rather than have enjoyed so cheap a conquest. Indeed you was so impatient to be gone before morning, that you seemed rather tired of your stay, than sollicitous about my reputation.”
The trooper, amazed and alarmed at this unexpected address, swore with many vulgar execrations, that he could prove he was in custody from twelve till six o’clock in the morning; and that he began to perceive he had been finely flung by some rascal, who had visited her in his place. He even hinted a suspicion, that the whole affair had been transacted by her connivance; and became extremely rough and unmannerly in his expostulations: so that the lady, who had more of the tygress than of the lamb in her disposition, being exasperated at the freedom of his behaviour, ordered him down stairs, and (to use the common phrase) forbad him her house. He accordingly retired, not without many invectives and threats, which he bawled aloud in his march; while his incensed patroness, by this time sensible that she had been the dupe of some stratagem, remained in a state of unspeakable anxiety and mortification. Being blessed, however, with a great share of penetration, she forthwith set it at work; and, after some recollection, concluded that the substitute could be no other than Peregrine, who had either learned the circumstance of the assignation from her maid, or extracted them from the vanity and indiscretion of the gallant himself.
Now that she had an opportunity of being acquainted with all our young gentleman’s qualifications, she did not repine at the qui pro quo which had been played upon her, and resolved to transfer her good graces to Peregrine, without reserve. With this view she favoured him with the most palpable advances and allusions, which he would not understand, but on the contrary, conveyed the ring to her in a letter, written in a counterfeited character, with a feigned name, importing, that as he had reason to believe the token was intended for another, he could not in conscience reserve it for his own use: and to crown her vexation, by his contrivance, every circumstance of the story was divulged, except the name of the person who had represented the lover.
While our adventurer thus enjoyed his disposition, he was summoned to the castle by an express from his friend Hatchway, representing that the commodore lay at the point of death; and in less than an hour after the receipt of this melancholy piece of news, he set out post for his uncle’s habitation, having previously taken leave of his associate Crabtree, who promised to meet him in two months at London, and settled a correspondence with Gauntlet, who proposed to remain at Bath during the remaining part of the season.