After a night short on sleep and long on soul-searching, Leah rolled over and hit the barrier of a long, hard male body. She was half asleep but she was pretty sure that she went to bed alone. Leah sat up and pushed her hair out of her face. Her eyes focused and, yep, Seth was lying on the bed next to her, his hand supporting his head. Mussed hair, amused eyes, thick arms, washboard stomach and a long, thick...damn, he was wearing boxer shorts.
She’d gone to bed alone and locked the door behind her. Leah looked across the room and, yep, her door was open.
“Practicing your B&E skills?” Leah croaked.
“It’s always good to have a backup career. I told you, they come in handy occasionally.” Seth drawled, placing his hand on her bare hip.
Leah looked down and realized that she was still wearing his t-shirt and she’d neglected to put panties on. Seth’s hand, running over her hip and down her butt told her he appreciated her lack of underwear.
“Hi,” he murmured, his eyes a smoky green.
“Hi back,” Leah said, sitting up. “Um...what are you doing here?”
Seth placed his hand on her knee. “I finished my business around twelve thirty—the time differences are a bitch—and I thought I’d clear the air but first I had to pick my way through your door. Then I found you conked out.”
“Okay,” Leah said, “why did you feel the need to clear the air? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Not wrong but maybe I was a little abrupt,” Seth replied. “I wasn’t expecting you in the shower and by the time we finished, I knew that Stone would be calling me back to discuss a...sensitive issue.
“I owe you an apology.” Seth’s voice was rough but she heard the sincerity in every word.
That being said, Leah was so conscious of his hand on her thigh, the muscles in his arms, his citrus-spice-Seth smell.
“I could’ve explained better. You make me crazy,” Seth ruefully admitted.
Leah knew how that felt.
“You make me do things, say things, feel things that I’m not accustomed to doing, saying, feeling. That’s probably why I’ve subconsciously avoided you all these years.” Seth continued, linking his big hand around the back of her neck. “I don’t want to hurt you, Leah. You’ve been hurt enough. I don’t want this to cause you any heartache or pain or any regret.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, Seth, but I’m not going to ask you for more than you can give,” Leah said as she gripped his arm with one hand.
Seth tensed at her touch and her eyes dropped down and she saw the movement in his shorts. His erection grew thicker, harder, and she swallowed, wishing she were brave enough to make the first move again.
“I want you,” he said, his eyes on her mouth, his hand gripping her thigh.
“I know.” And for now, it was enough. “I want you, too.”
Seth’s face turned serious. And determined. “The thing is... sex can lead to complications, emotional complications.”
“For me or for you?”
Seth didn’t answer her, not that she expected him to. “There are reasons why I think we should keep our distance.”
“Yeah, yeah... we live on different continents, my disastrous non-marriage, you might lose focus or become distracted, we might find ourselves wanting more.” Leah waved her hand between them. “But we could also be hit by a meteor strike in ten minutes. You might have a heart attack—”
Seth snorted and she had to agree. She’d never met anyone less likely to fall over from a coronary than Seth but she was trying to make a point here.
“I might go to work, meet someone and fall in love at first sight. I might get T-boned by a delivery truck—” Seth looked horrified and his reaction caused her stomach to jump. “My point is that anything could happen and I don’t want to regret not taking this time with you. We might have two days or two weeks but I’d like to spend whatever time we have together. Carpe diem, you know?”
Seth placed his hand in the center of her back, silently urging her to scoot closer. She lay down so she faced him and placed her arm across his chest. Seth pulled her into him and tucked her head under his chin. Leah relished the feeling of holding him, touching him, sharing this moment with him. She’d spoken the truth. She didn’t know how much time they had but she wanted to be with him. In every way she could.
“Jed’s going to kill me.” Seth’s voice rumbled over her hair and she heard the amusement beneath the words.
“I promise to say nice things at your funeral.”
Seth rolled her over so she straddled him and she gasped when her clit settled on his erection, his warmth burning into her despite the barrier of his boxer shorts.
Leah fell forward and their mouths aligned so Leah dropped an open-mouth kiss on his lips before pulling away. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
Seth’s eyes glittered. “If it means that I’m going to slide inside you, then yes.”
“Did your condoms accompany you on your lock picking adventure?” Leah whispered, nipping his ear lobe and then soothing the small sting with her tongue.
“I’m a boy scout, I always come prepared.”
Leah laughed and then went back to the serious business of exploring underside of his jaw with her lips and tongue.
Seth stood at her grandmother’s rolltop desk, all his attention on the papers lying on the top. Leah pushed her shoulder into the doorframe of the study, happy to watch him. She was making memories, she thought. When Seth left, and he would leave, she would remember him here, the morning sunlight bouncing off his hair, his long neck, his masculine profile. She’d remember his shoulders were broad and his legs long, and she’d remember the ways the muscles in his arm moved under his tanned skin as he picked up and discarded a piece of paper, when he tapped something into his laptop computer.
She’d remember the way he looked and his masculine scent but most of all she’d remember the way he made her feel. Living with Seth, loving Seth made her feel like a woman, in every sense of the word. She felt powerful but protected, sexy and strong.
Around Seth she felt like the best version of herself. Yes, he could be autocratic and annoying but she sensed behind the walls he’d carefully erected was a man who would be, if he allowed himself to, a fantastic lover. Oh, not in the make-her-scream way—he showed her, often, how good he was at sex—she was talking about being one half of a whole. He would be an amazing partner, strong when he needed to be but happy to allow her to do her own thing.
He was a man, in every sense of the word. Responsible, smart, fully adult. And, unlike Heath, Seth didn’t need, or want her money. He didn’t require her to cook, to do his laundry, or pay his bills.
All he wanted from her from her company. And, naturally, sex. Lots and lots of sock-blowing-off sex.
Leah didn’t have a problem with either concept.
“Are you just going to stand there and stare at me?” Seth asked softly. “Or are you going to share that mug of coffee?”
Leah didn’t bother to ask how he knew she was there or that she was carrying coffee. Seth’s kids would have a hell of a time pulling the wool over his eyes. Seth’s kids...Was it crazy to wish his kids could be hers, too?
She could see them getting old together. She could see them walking on the beach, a toddler between them, swinging from their hands. She could see them living in this house, raising their kids here, living and loving and arguing.
Her imagination was on steroids. Thinking those thoughts, dreaming those dreams was the romantic equivalent of handing Seth a razor and asking him to slice away at her heart. Seth was not a man a girl should dream about, he wasn’t husband or father material. He lived another life a long way away; he had a career that was demanding and exciting and that left no room for a relationship. It certainly had no room for her.
His life and hers could not merge; it was an impossibility. So dreaming dreams and creating scenarios was just silly. A waste of time and energy.
When Leah reached Seth, she placed the mug into his hand. Standing next to him, she laid her palm on his back and tipped her head so her temple rested on his shoulder. Yeah, she should be pulling back, creating some distance between them and she would, later. Right now, she just wanted to be close to him.
Making memories. That was all she was doing.
Seth sipped his coffee and Leah looked down at the crude, one dimensional sketch of an older man, which was lying face up on the desk.
“Who is this?” She picked up the paper and frowned at the image.
Seth plucked the sketch from her fingers and slid it into a paper folder. “That’s someone I’ve been looking for a long time. Unfortunately, the sketch is pretty generic, he could be anyone.”
Leah placed her butt on the edge of the desk and stretched out her legs. “Why have you been looking for him?”
“He’s a bad guy and I don’t say that lightly.”
“Talk to me, Seth.”
Seth hooked the office chair with his ankle and rolled it towards him. He sat down in the chair and rested his elbow on Leah’s thigh. He tapped the folder with his index finger before speaking again. “He really is a son of a bitch. He’s the one who is recruiting young people into cults, who made contact with Fayed Khan. He’s a master of luring them in; he knows exactly what buttons to push. Whatever the teenager wants the most, he promises that they will get it in A, B, or C cult.” Seth saw the shock of her face because he nodded and continued. “Yeah, he has no loyalty to one cult or organization. If the cult wants girls and they can pay, he gets them girls. If a kid wants to join a holy war, he’ll find him a place to fight. Provided he can pay for The Recruiter’s services.”
“But...teenagers?’
“They’re young and impressionable and, best of all, they want to buy whatever he is selling, which is, essentially, a place to belong.” Seth rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “We’ve found quite a few of the kids he lured into crappy situations.”
“Did you get them out of the situation?” Leah asked.
“Some, we did. Some were eighteen by the time we found them and they didn’t want to leave and we couldn’t force them to. One or two were in a very bad way.”
“Dead?”
“No, but we’ve had those, too.”
Seth’s fingers slid up and under Leah’s skirt and drew patterns on her skin. There was nothing sexual in his touch; he was just looking for a connection.
Leah reached out and touched his hair, allowed her fingers to skim down his strong neck. “Sorry, Seth.”
Seth shrugged. “It’s part of the job.’
Leah didn’t take his cool tone personally; she knew he was embarrassed he’d allowed her to see his emotions.
Leah picked up the folder and pulled out the sketch and took another look. Putting the folder on the desk, she held the paper and frowned at the image. It wasn’t a great representation but the similarities were there. It could be the man she had lunch with, the person who said he was Seth’s father.
“Seth this sketch... he could be your father.”
“He doesn’t look like the photo you sent me, Leah.”
“I know but...Show me the photo; it’s on your phone, isn’t it?”
Seth lifted his phone, found the app, and the picture of his so-called father popped up on his screen. He held the screen up.
Leah put the sketch next to the picture and she shrugged. “It’s not anywhere near an exact match but there are similarities.”
“Same eyes, same shape of the face...” Leah added.
Seth studied the sketch and picture and nodded once.
“I’m sending the photo to Jett,” Seth said, tapping his phone. A minute later he lifted the phone to his ear, his eyes on Leah’s face. “Jett? Are you still with Fayed?”
After waiting for Jett’s response, Seth spoke again. “I’ve just sent you a photo of a guy. Ask Fayed if he recognizes him.”
Seth held her eyes while he waited for Jett’s response and Leah saw the answer on his face before he spoke the words.
Shit. Crap. Damn. Seth’s father, the man she’d had lunch with, was the same man who’d lured Fayed away, the same guy Seth was chasing.
“Seth...”
Leah watched the blood in his face drain away. She wanted to hold him, wanted to chase his pain away, but she knew if she touched him, he would shatter in a million pieces.
Just like the ceramic coffee mug he threw at the wall.
Seth felt like his stomach wanted to rocket out of his throat. Could his father, the person who’d contributed half of Seth’s DNA, be a raging, crazy, intelligent psychopath who’d lured hundreds of kids into situations that were dangerous and destructive?
At the very least, he had to think it was a strong possibility. In a minute or two, when he was able to think this through, he’d shove the emotion aside and figure out what to do next, work out what Ben’s motives were, but right now he needed to work through his anger and his disappointment and, yes, the pain bubbling away in his chest.
“Is this man your father, Seth?”
“There’s a good chance that he is.”
“When last did you see him?” Leah asked, her voice soft but devoid of pity.
If he’d heard pity he would find another cup to toss. Seth looked at the coffee-covered wall, thought about apologizing but then realized Leah didn’t give a crap about her dirty wall, the broken cup, or the stained carpet. Her expression told him she was worried about him. Just him.
He couldn’t remember when last a woman had looked at him with compassion in her eyes, looking like she wanted to soothe his wounds, suck out his pain. He’d never allowed any woman to see beyond his tough, oh-so-capable shell and the knowledge Leah was looking at the mess beyond the shell made panic join the nausea in the back of his throat.
“Talk to me, Seth. You need to.”
He’d always chosen to act rather than to talk, to take his frustrations out on a punching bag or at the gym. By pushing his body to the limit, he’d tired himself out so he didn’t have to think, to talk, to work through his issues. A lifetime running from his father created a shit load of issues...a lack of trust, self-sufficiency, and emotional unavailability. But he liked his issues, he was comfortable with them and he knew his issues shaped his life. He pursued justice, he wanted to rebalance the scales of right and wrong, he wanted to restore the lost or the stolen—art, secrets, people—to the proper owners.
Leah’s wide eyes and empathetic expression encouraged him to slice open that mess and bleed on the floor. He didn’t know if he could but, for the first time ever, he wanted to. He needed to. The thought was equally liberating and terrifying.
“I only have memories of my father yelling.” Seth looked up at the ceiling as he spoke. “And it was always about me, normally because my mom tried to discipline me. In the commune, woman didn’t tell men what to do, even if they were only four years old.”
Leah stiffened but she didn’t speak.
“My mom stumbled into the group when she was eighteen and she married my father three months later. It wasn’t long before she realized she’d made a huge mistake. I don’t know many of the details of the cult, what they did or who they worshipped, I just know that my father threatened to kill my mother if she left and that she believed them.”
“But she did leave.” Leah rested her elbows on her thighs and placed her chin in the palm of her hands.
“We left once. He found us and brought us back. We left again and we spent the next fourteen years running. She genuinely believed that if she left and he found her, she would be killed and I would be taken back and brainwashed.” Seth rubbed his hand over his face. “We lived in so many towns, I had so many identities, I went to so many schools.”
“But he didn’t find you.”
“He did, eventually. When I joined the army, I used my real name because I was sick of hiding out. If my father wanted me, I thought he could come and take me on.”
Seth picked up a pen and tapped it against a folder. “In the army, I got letters from him. He demanded that I come back to them, that I was needed, that they needed me. He promised me wealth and girls and more sex than I could ever dream of, with a different girl every night if that was what I wanted. And that any sexual needs or fantasies I had could be accommodated...”
Leah wrinkled her nose. “Yuck.”
“Yeah, apparently nothing was taboo.”
“God.”
“Trust me, that bunch had nothing to do with God,” Seth said, bitterly.
Seth looked up and into her compassionate face, and he felt the fist, encircling his heart, relax its python-like grip.
“So you haven’t seen him since you were four?”
Seth looked down, wondering whether to lie. He’d never told anyone that after he left the military he’d tracked his father down—he’d still been living at the compound—and had a come-to-Jesus talk with him. Entering the compound and breaking into his house had been child’s play and the conversation he’d had with his father had been short and sweet. Actually, a conversation suggested there had been a dialogue of sorts. Since his hand had been around his father’s throat, Seth had done all of the talking.
The message had been simple—Seth wanted nothing to do with him. Ever.
“I met him once. During that...encounter... he realized I wasn’t interested in anything he had to offer, or to say.”
“And you haven’t heard from him since?”
“I heard about his death a few weeks after that.”
Leah placed her foot on his thigh and he gripped her ankle, his fingers encircling her slim joint.
“The Recruiter popped up around ten years ago, about six months after I heard about my father’s car accident.” Seth dropped his hand and he jerked his body up as a thought occurred to him. Oh, fuck.
It made sense, twisted and psychotic, but still sense. “He became The Recruiter because of me.”
Leah looked horrified. “What? No, it’s not your fault that he’s a psychopath!”
When she defended him it felt like his heart was wrapped in a warm blanket. “My rejection of him, of his lifestyle, was the trigger. He started recruiting kids because he couldn’t recruit me and every kid he pulled into a cult—it didn’t matter which one—was a substitute for me.”
Leah rolled her index finger, gesturing for him to keep talking.
“But what was the point if I didn’t know what he was doing? The thrill would be sweeter if I knew what was happening and couldn’t prevent it. The thrill would even be greater if I started hunting him, that way he could get my attention.”
“Your father is seriously screwed up.” Leah commented.
“Yeah, but this fits. This makes sense to me.” Seth pushed his chair back, stood up, and crossed his arms.
Leah hopped off the desk and busied herself with clearing up the mess on the surface. She picked up the sketch and opened the folder to slide it back into place. Instead of flipping the folder closed, she stared down at the sketch.
“What are you thinking, Leah?”
Leah tapped the nail of her thumb against her teeth before sending him a grim smile. “That he’s definitely got your attention now.”
Seth stood up and tuned her around, his hands on her bare thighs, pushing up and under her flouncy skirt. “I’m sick of talking about him and my crappy past. Let’s do something else.”
Leah smiled slowly and he felt his heart bump off his chest. Yeah, she was the best distraction, his favorite way to get out of the swamp in his head. Seth yanked her towards him and slanted his lips over her, his mouth capturing whatever smart aleck comment she’d been about to say. Losing himself in the heat and wonder of her, his tongue slid into her mouth and he lost the ability to think. Blood drained from his head and it was all he could do to stay on his feet as she kissed every bad memory away. His broad hands snaked up to her chest and then his hands were on her breasts, kneading her nipples and listening to her soft moans urging him on.
Leah whimpered in his mouth, hooked her hands around his neck, and boosted herself up, her legs anchored around his waist and the juncture of her thighs riding his erection. Seth held her easily and, still kissing her, walked her out of the study and into her sitting room where there was soft, large couch, which was perfect for what he wanted to do.
Seth sat Leah on the edge of the couch and pushed her skirt up to her hips, his breath hitching at her long, smooth legs. He knelt on the carpet in front of her and he feasted on her mouth, her neck while his shaking fingers undid the buttons to her shirt, pulling it down her arms while he pleasured her breasts. Impatient with the barriers, he pulled her shirt and bra off and then suckled one tip of a rosy breast and then the other. Leah reached out to return the pleasure but Seth easily captured her wrists and held them behind her back while he built her pleasure.
Seth would remember this moment for the rest of his life. In the half-light of the lounge, the rays of the setting sun poured through the high windows and cast golden shadows over her skin, subtly highlighting her curves. Her hair was tousled and her lips were curved in invitation. For a minute, okay, maybe thirty seconds, he just wanted to look at her, absorb her.
Her panties, thank the Lord, were gossamer thin and one quick twist snapped the thin threads that held the tiny triangle in place.
Ignoring her squeal of protest, he flung the g-string over his shoulder and placed his mouth on her hot, wet mound. Loving her taste, Seth slid a finger inside her and felt her contract. Ignoring her demands to hurry up, he walked the fingers of his other hand up her torso to find her breast, rubbing her nipples for maximum pleasure.
He wanted her to let go, to trust him with this most intimate experience. She was so close, so near to flooding, yet he could feel her hesitancy in the fine tremors that ran through her limbs, the way her buttocks tensed in caution and not in anticipation.
Sighing, he kissed his way up her body and looked into her flushed face.“What’s the matter?”
Leah bit her lip and he smoothed it with his thumb.
“Talk to me. Don’t you like me doing that?”
Leah met his eyes. “It’s wonderful but do you?”
Did he like it? What a stupid question! Seth let out a soft laugh. “I love it. Why?”
Leah waved a hand. “I thought men didn’t...but then, I was with a man who never kissed me there.”
Seth’s hand snuggled into her folds and she arched her hips as his finger reentered her. “Leah?”
“Mmm?”
Seth briefly sucked on a pert nipple before dragging his mouth across her belly. “We’ll continue this conversation later. For now, shut up and let me get back to what I was enjoying.”
Leah arched her back and he vaguely heard her whimper but he was lost in her, her taste, small, lost in the intimacy of what he was doing. This wasn’t the first time he’d gone down on a woman but it was the first time with Leah and he never wanted it to end. This was more than oral sex, more than a way to get their rocks off, this felt intimate, important. Giving Leah pleasure, allowing her to fall apart in his arms, on his mouth, was all that was important.
Leah shouted, bucked, and gripped his head to her. He slid two fingers up into her and her inner walls clenched around him. He licked her once and then she went utterly still and he licked her again, smiling against her when she lost her shit. He pumped his fingers, she gushed her pleasure before flinging herself back against the couch, her forearm over her eyes and her body shuddering from her orgasm.
Pleasure he’d given her. Seth felt about a hundred feet tall. He straightened, pulled a condom from his back pocket—he’d taken to carrying one around because Leah just had to look at him and he’d get hard—and, not bothering to undress, dropped his shorts and sheathed himself. He placed his arms on either side of her and slid into her heat and silkiness.
Yeah, this was where he wanted to be. His refuge, his pot at the end of the rainbow, his favorite place in the world.
Leah opened her eyes and smiled at him. “I don’t know if I can go again.”
Seth leaned forward, kissed her and spoke his words against her lips. “Yeah, you can.”
She could. And she did.