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...but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.
-James 3:8 (NLT)
She was not expecting any visitors to her office. It was supposed to be a day of reconciling receipts with her budgets, thus she had spreadsheets filling up both of her computer monitors and a stack of papers spread out on her desk. Her head was swimming in numbers when her assistant's voice came through the intercom announcing, “There's someone named Mary here to see you.”
Leah sighed. She hated being interrupted when she was in the middle of a highly-involved cognitive exercise. Like balancing budgets. The name Mary didn't resonate with her. It could be any number of staff or vendors. Isn't there a Mary on the night shift cleaning crew? Leah was accustomed to hearing employee gripes and grievances. At least once a week, an employee dropped into her office to register a complaint about some slight or perceived injustice. Many times it was about another employee and not about the management at The Pearl, and in those situations, Leah got to play mediator.
She was taken aback to see Mary from Casey's Group appear in her doorway, Mary the ordained minister who did couples counseling and had spoken with Leah about alternative ways to interpret scriptures regarding sex. She had her long, gray-streaked brown hair braided down her back and wore a simple denim sundress with Birkenstocks. Although she normally had a sunny smile affixed to her face, today she looked weary and concerned.
Leah stood to greet her, already forgetting her annoyance at being interrupted. “Mary, it's so nice to see you. Is everything okay?” Leah was good at reading people, and it was obvious that Mary was upset about something.
“I really need to talk to you,” Mary said quietly, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from Leah's desk.
“Of course,” Leah said, sitting down and sliding her chair back under her desk. “What's up?”
Mary crossed her legs at the ankles, folded her hands in her lap, and leaned in toward Leah's desk. Leah stared at the other woman's hands, the veins protruding through thin, waxy skin, dotted with age spots, but topped with delicate fingers and bare but well-manicured nails. “I don't know where to start exactly,” she admitted. “But I really thought you should know what I've heard so you can discuss it with Cap and make sure you're still on the same page.”
“What are you talking about?” Leah asked. Even before her mind could process Mary's statement, her heart began pounding against her chest.
“I spoke with Casey this morning. She told me that she heard from a reliable source who spoke with Cap at the party the other night...” Her face was etched with worry lines and her cheeks were sallow. She looked as though it would physically hurt her to speak another word.
Leah was agitated, her nerves buzzing with dread. “Heard what?” she demanded, no longer able to rein in her patience.
Mary hesitated again, but only for a moment. A deep breath later, and she let the information escape like air bursting out of a popped balloon. “Apparently Cap was talking about you and your relationship, and he said that his interest in you was purely professional. That he was grooming you for the lifestyle and for managing the club. And he claimed he didn't have any romantic feelings toward you.”
Leah scanned Mary's eyes for signs of honesty and found them in her trembling gray irises and large inky-black pupils. She reached out her arms across the desk to clasp Leah's hands in her own. Leah's throat swelled shut. She had no words and no tears. Her entire body was gripped with shock. Finally, words made her way from her brain to her mouth, somehow squeezing through the erratic nerve impulses and furiously pumping blood. “Whom did he say that to?”
“Casey wouldn't say, just that the source was trustworthy. She called me this morning because she was so upset and she didn't know what to do. She wanted my guidance. I said that you needed to be told and she didn't think she could do it. She was crying and beside herself. She cares for you a great deal.” Mary patted Leah's clammy hand and then squeezed it. “I'm not sure what this means for the club. I don't know if she can work with Cap after this, but I know she's poured a huge amount of money and energy into it that she'll lose if she pulls out now.”
“I need to talk to her,” Leah said, rising from her desk.
“Okay,” Mary whispered, choking back the empathetic tears that were forming. “Do you want me to come with you?”
Leah's whole body was shaking as she gathered up her phone and her purse. “No, thank you, though. This is something I need to deal with myself.”
On her way out the door, she remembered the one-sided conversation she'd overheard between Cap and Rhonda on the deck at Casey's party. Then the look of pity painted across Rhonda's face as she left the party on Cap's arm flooded back to her.
Leah was relieved that Casey was in her office, but she was on the phone so Leah had to wait fifteen minutes to have an audience with her. She sat outside the office staring at the knockdown finish on the walls. It was a bright terracotta color and all the artwork featured sunsets over the bay or sunrises over the beach, reflecting the same shade as the walls. Leah got so lost in one painting that she nearly jumped out of her skin when Casey came to the door to welcome her.
She started to sit down in the blue chair across from Casey's desk but suddenly forgot why she was there. She stood in the middle of the office, paralyzed. She couldn't remember driving there and had already forgotten the fifteen minute wait in the hallway outside the office. All she recalled was one picture that captured her attention, a row of houses with black roof lines stacked against the amber clouds that drifted over a dusky violet bay. Her eyes and mouth were dry. In just the course of a half hour, it seemed like all the moisture had evaporated from her body.
Casey's makeup was smudged around her eyes as if she had been crying. She surveyed Leah's state, then stood up and immediately pulled the younger woman into her arms, pressing her tightly against her bosom and stroking her fingers soothingly down her back. Leah burst into tears in Casey's embrace, the liquid welling up from some reservoir deep within. She was shaking uncontrollably, no words able to break through the shattered glass that was formerly her mind.
“Oh, sweetheart, I have no idea what that bastard is thinking. I tried to call and give him a piece of my mind and ask him what he has to say for himself, but there was no answer on his cell or at his shop,” Casey offered in her calming alto voice.
“He's out in the boat,” Leah managed to sob. “He's got two charters today. Some big group of executives that came down from New York. He won't be home till late tonight.”
“Okay, okay. Well, what can we do, sweetheart? I want to help.” She ushered Leah into the blue chair she'd originally attempted to take and handed her some tissues. Leah began to blot her splotchy face, urging her brain to create speech. Casey rolled her desk chair around so that the pair sat knee-to-knee. “I've cleared all my appointments for the rest of the day, so whatever you need me to do. Just say the word.”
“He told me he loved me,” was all that came out of Leah's mouth.
Casey's face scrunched up with rage. “That fucking son of a bitch,” she seethed, a whole octave lower than her normal voice. Leah was shocked to hear foul language being ejected past her usually eloquent tongue.
“So it was Rhonda, right?” Leah guessed. “She is the one he told.”
Casey nodded. “I know she seems abrasive at times, but she has a good heart, and she and Cap go way back. They used to date a long time ago. He and his ex-wife got her involved in the lifestyle, actually. And she and I have been friends forever. I trust her. If it had been anyone else, I'd probably question it.”
Leah felt lost. She remembered that her apartment was all packed into boxes. At the end of the month when her lease expired, she was supposed to move in with Cap. She was going to put all of her things in storage. He promised her that once the club took off, Casey would help them find a house to buy with a big yard for Keeper and Glory.
“I just don't understand how this can be,” Leah said. “I've laid in his arms. I've looked into his eyes. He promised me he'd be faithful to our agreement and he'd put swinging on hold till I was ready... He made me trust him.” Those words “promised,” “faithful,” and “trust” felt hollow and empty now, as if their very meanings had collapsed under the weight of her broken heart. All she could think of was how she'd been betrayed by the other men she had given a piece of her heart to, Will and Todd. Did she just fall victim again to Cap?
Casey patted her hand in a motherly fashion. “I thought he had changed,” she sighed with disappointment. “When I first met him, he was such a schmoozer, a real player. I saw him go through a half-dozen women in a year or two. I think he got bored with them. I also knew what happened with his ex-wife. But then I got to know him better, and I learned about his dad's sudden death, and I saw what kind of father he was to his girls, even met them a few times, and I knew there was a good man in there after all. One seeking redemption. The way he was so taken with you...at least I thought he was...I never thought he'd step back from the lifestyle for any woman, but he did with you.” She paused for a moment, her face full of reflection, like she was reviewing all the memories she had stored in her brain involving Cap.
“Thinking about it now, I do remember him calling me up shortly after he met you at that first event last fall. We had already been looking for a property for the club. I had my eyes on the warehouse but I was waiting to hear back from the listing agent. He and I shared this dream of opening a club for a long time, and I figured with both of us knowing so many people and being used to dealing with the public, we'd have no problems with the marketing and publicity.
“What we lacked was the know-how for running a business like this, something that's more like an entertainment venue. Yeah, he's a keen businessman, sure. But he knows fishing. And I know real estate. Neither of us has a clue about something like this.
“When he met you, he called me up and said he found our manager. When he said it was you, I was delighted. I connected with you immediately, Leah. I knew you had a good character and a strong work ethic. I knew you were going places and that you were trustworthy. He kept telling me he wanted to wait to tell you about the club, wait till you knew more about the lifestyle, till you understood it. And I agreed.
“But never, ever in my wildest dreams did I think that Cap would seduce you to bring you on board. Hell no, I would have never, ever given my consent to that crazy, ridiculous bullshit, Leah. I genuinely thought he was falling for you and you for him. And I was thrilled beyond belief that it was all working out like that!
“I know he told me so many times that he was a confirmed bachelor and had no intention of settling down with another woman – not ever, no way, no how – but I knew you were special. I wasn't surprised that he'd changed his tune! But now...after what Rhonda told me, I had to reconsider all that, examine his motives and his true character...”
“Back up a minute,” Leah interrupted her. “What did you know about Cap's ex-wife? I know about his father already. But what about his ex?”
“Oh, he hasn't told you about Sharon?” she asked, her eyes wide.
“Not much, really, just that he felt like she got pregnant to trap him into marrying her,” Leah replied.
“Well, that much may be true,” Casey agreed. “But the story was that when his daughters were small and Sharon used to stay home with them, Cap not only had his business up here during the summer, but during the winter he used to go down to Florida and work for a buddy of his to help out with his charter business. And during that time, he had a whole other wife and family.”
“What?!” Leah felt anger bubbling up under the surface of her skin like hot magma about to explode from a volcano.
“That's what Sharon told me long ago. They used to swing together and she and I were friends. She figured it out by some medical bills that got sent to their house here in Ocean City by mistake. He had a winter family and a summer family apparently. When she found out, she left him.”
“I think I'm going to be sick,” Leah groaned. She stumbled into the restroom in the hallway and spewed the entire contents of her stomach into the toilet.
Casey was waiting in the hallway when Leah emerged. She had scrubbed her face so vigorously she thought she might have removed some of her freckles. Upon closer inspection, they remained intact, but her skin was now raw and splotchy.
“What are we going to do?” Casey asked her. She put the emphasis on the word “we.”
“I'm not sure,” Leah admitted, “but I think I am going to go home to bed. At least I know he'll be gone all evening so I can get my dog from his house and my things and I won't have to see him.”
“If I pull out of our venture, I'm going to lose all my money,” Casey said. She didn't say it as an argument, a persuasion, or even an excuse. It was just a remark, verbalizing the realization that was dominating all her thoughts. Then she returned to the subject at hand. “Let me go with you to pick up your dog and get you settled back in your apartment. Or you can come stay with me. I really don't know if you should be alone, Leah. I'm worried about you.”
“Casey, I really appreciate everything you've done for me, but I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. Just answer one thing though, okay?” Leah asked bravely, smoothing out her skirt and straightening her blouse. She was going into crisis management mode now. Except when I do this, it's always someone else's crisis, she thought.
“Anything you need, sweetheart. You know that.”
“You really believe Rhonda? I mean, you really trust her word over Cap's?” Leah asked, feeling like her next move completely hinged on Casey's answer.
“I've known them both a really long time,” Casey said. “I just can't imagine why Rhonda would lie about it. Why would she come to me with it? What would she get out of it? If she wanted me to dissolve my partnership with Cap, I'd understand, but she's as excited about this club as I am. She wants a job there, actually.”
“She does?” Leah questioned. Something about that didn't sit well with her.
“Yes, I think that's why she's been trying so hard to be nice to you,” Casey smiled. “Ordinarily Rhonda is pretty leery of anyone new in the group, male or female. It takes her awhile to warm up to people. But once she realized you were involved with the club and you might even be her boss someday, she totally changed her tune. She's spoken very highly of you, actually.”
“I see,” was all Leah could reply.
“I know you are a good judge of people,” Casey said. “Why don't you talk to Cap and ask him what he said to her? Just outright confront him! I bet you will be able to tell a lot from his reaction.”
“Maybe I will,” Leah replied. “Not tonight though. For tonight I just want to get my dog and curl up in my own bed.”
“Okay, darling,” Casey said, giving her a light kiss on the cheek. “Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do.”
Thankfully, Cap was still out on the boat when Leah went by his place to retrieve Glory. She tried not to look around the house or engage in interaction with Marlina or Keeper. She unceremoniously loaded up Glory and box of her things, then headed up Coastal Highway toward her apartment, the one she had been visiting once or twice a week, mostly to pack things to put in storage. She was relieved that all her furniture was still in place, so after taking Glory for a walk, she settled down on the sofa and flipped on her television. I guess it's a good thing I keep forgetting to cancel the cable, she thought, putting her feet up on the rattan ottoman.
Her stomach still reeled from the nausea she'd experienced in Casey's office. She kept playing her earlier conversations with Mary and Casey over and over again in her mind. It all culminated in one thought: how could I be so stupid to fall for him when he's completely fake? How did I not see the signs? Using me, making me believe that he loved me was one thing, but apparently his deception runs much deeper. He had a whole other family when he was married before? And, of course, he never told me. I wonder if his daughters even know.
She considered calling Aimee and crying on her shoulder for a while, but she was too sick and too embarrassed. A part of her wanted to load up her Jeep with Glory and all of the earthly possessions she could squeeze in and head off for parts unknown. I've had enough of the beach, she decided. Maybe I'll just start a new life in the mountains...some place out west maybe. I'll leave this Leah Miller behind and reinvent myself someplace else. Leah Miller 2.0. Or is it 3.0? she wondered.
During the evening, there were times she wished she were an alcoholic or a drug user, so she could get wasted or high, whatever it took to numb every nerve in her body that was crying out in anguish. There were dark, morbid, disturbing thoughts swirling around in her head that night, the kind of thoughts that reminded her how close a normal, seemingly well-adjusted person such as herself could be to falling off the edge of sanity. She wondered at times how it was she hadn't fallen off yet, but then she realized the reason was that she was too paralyzed to move, literally or figuratively.
Every time she received a text or phone call from him, the pain doubled up inside her. The first text came at 8 PM: where are you?
Then at 8:30 PM, a phone call. No voicemail.
At 8:45, another text: are you ok?
9:05: phone call and voice mail. She couldn't bring herself to listen.
9:30: I guess you decided to sleep at your place tonight.
9:55: Can we talk?
And then her phone was silent.
The next day, Leah aimed for business as usual. She decided not to tell Aimee, not to return Cap's phone calls, and only to return Casey's text with a brief I'm fine, thanks. She breezed into The Pearl, offering morning greetings to the front desk staff and a few other employees she saw in the hall. She exchanged pleasantries with her assistant and then waved to Barry as she proceeded to her office. “Well, you're in a good mood today!” Barry observed, poking his head through her open doorway.
“Just happy to be at work!” Leah exclaimed, turning on her computer. “I have those end-of-month reports for you and I'm all set to interview for the vacant head of housekeeping position.”
“You're the best!” Barry winked and headed off to the staff lounge to refill his coffee mug.
Imagine where I'd be if I'd already tendered my resignation like Cap wanted me to, Leah thought smugly. I'd be up shit creek, that's what. She wondered what was going to become of The Factory, if Casey would pull out of the partnership, if Cap would be left to flounder.
This is where I belong, she resolved, looking around her office. She logged into her computer and began poring over the day's agenda. It's like I had a momentary lapse in judgment. Well, momentary as in about six months, but whatever. At least I'm finally coming to. She shook her head as if she could free herself of the last particles of insanity that had infected her.
At lunch time, she ran home to walk Glory and bumped into a woman she recognized from Casey's Group who was also walking her dog. Leah didn't realize that they lived in the same complex, probably because she'd hardly been there since she started dating Cap.
“Oh, hey, Leah,” the woman said and Leah was grateful that the name Judy came to her at the last minute.
“How are you, Judy? Nice day out, huh?” Leah tried to feign cheerfulness.
“I'm good,” she replied, but couldn't muster a smile. Instead, a look of concern washed over her. “You sure you're okay? I heard what happened with Cap.”
Geez. Word travels fast, huh? She bit her lip and then managed a smile. “Oh, yeah, I'm fine,” she replied dismissively.
“Cap's a snake,” Judy offered. “I dated him a few years ago and it was all about him. Doesn't surprise me in the least that he was using you. He thinks women are put on this earth to satisfy his every whim. You're better off without him, sweetie, trust me.”
Leah was reeling from a mixture of anger, shock and frustration. Where were all these naysayers when I first started seeing him? she wondered. Why didn't anyone warn me? She didn't know whether to thank Judy or smack her across the face.
“I know you probably feel like crap,” Judy guessed after Leah failed to respond. “I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone.” She began to steer her pug in another direction.
“No, really, I'm fine,” Leah insisted. She smiled again and jerked Glory's leash back toward her building.
But when she settled back into her desk chair later that afternoon, a solitary tear rolled down her cheek as the realization that it was over began to sink in. She held her breath for a moment, waiting for the sensations to pass, for the pain to fade again and allow her to get on with her day. But one question echoed repeatedly through her mind: was anything we shared real? Was even one single moment genuine?
Two days later, during her mother's weekly phone call, Leah confirmed that she'd be attending Andrew and Mikayla's wedding alone, no plus one. Her mother complained that she was looking forward to meeting the new boyfriend, about which Leah simply explained, “We broke up. Don't worry. You wouldn't have liked him anyway.” Mrs. Miller had the good sense not to demand elaboration.
That day, Leah also shared the news with Aimee. “Oh, Leah, I'm so very sorry,” her best friend said. “Do I need to come down there? I could help you unpack all your things. Natalie could entertain us while we put everything away. She's got a few new tricks since you saw her last.”
For some reason, it was when Leah heard the concern in her friend's voice that she could contain her sorrow no longer. She sobbed into the phone, “I don't know if I can stay here. I hate being in OC without him.”
She realized another dream had died, the dream of a child she and Cap might have someday far in the future. She'd get flashes sometimes when she thought about Aimee and Natalie. She'd let those little glimpses come and go without too much attention or concern. They floated around in her mind, untethered to any specific expectations, but nonetheless nascent. She could finally admit that Cap was right he claimed that someday when she met the right man, she'd want to have his baby. I think in my heart of hearts, I thought he was the one, even though I was too scared to believe it.
That admittance illuminated the depths of the loss she had suffered. She had downplayed it, sidestepped it, and danced all around it for a few days now, but the simple fact was, another man she loved betrayed her. And what does that say about me? she wondered. Is hurting me so inevitable? Do men enjoy it? Do I seem like easy pickings?
“Leah?” Aimee's voice came through the phone line. “Are you still there?”
She realized this had been the longest stretch of time she'd gone without communicating with him in months. And after the other night, he hadn't tried to contact her. I guess he knows he's guilty and isn't even going to try to redeem himself, she thought. I guess that's better than hearing the lies come out of his mouth with my own ears. “Yes, I'm here,” she finally assured her friend. “I just don't know what to say anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore.”
“I know exactly who you are,” Aimee answered. “You're Leah Elizabeth Miller, valedictorian of your high school class, 4.0 summa cum laude graduate of Cornell, and the youngest assistant general manager of a hotel I've ever heard of. You're the smartest, kindest, most generous person I know. And you're also the most capable. I've never seen you tackle a situation over which you did not arise victoriously. You are one of the strongest and most stubborn people I have ever met, and I know damn well you aren't going to let some redneck fisherman take any of that away from you!”
By the time Aimee finished her speech, Leah's face was drenched with tears. “Thank you,” she managed, trying hard to swallow down the rest of the sadness and get herself together. “I really needed to hear that.”
“I know you did and I meant every word. Please let Natalie and I come see you this weekend?” she asked.
“Okay,” Leah brightened. “You got it.”
That night when Cap finally tried to call again, Leah simply picked up the phone and said, “You're not who I thought you were. Please don't contact me again.”
Without saying a word, he ended the call.
