The visit to Kim had been long delayed as compared to the other Third Shift Entrepreneurs with whom he was working, but Kim insisted that he needed to come visit with her on this particular Sunday night. Would he be doing more visits to each of them? He certainly hoped so. He still had many unanswered questions about who this group was and how they operated.
The address Kim had provided him was a second-floor apartment on a residential street in the Humboldt Park neighborhood. Matt stood outside on the street thinking he had been to more neighborhoods in the last few weeks than he had in all of his time living in Chicago. It was just too easy to revert to your immediate neighborhood and the same familiar spots and miss the richness and the vastness of all of the experiences, people, and places available in a city like Chicago.
He rang the call button from downstairs. The other line answered with Kim's big personality. “Helloooo!!”
Matt could hear laughing and active conversations in the background. “Hi, it's Matt from the Third Shift.”
“Oh, hey, honey; I'll buzz you in right now…2A.”
The buzzer sounded and Matt pushed through the front door and up the stairs where Kim swung the door open and gave him a hug. “Welcome! Come on in. Let me introduce you to everyone.”
It was a tidy apartment with a small livingroom that flowed into a dining area and then into the kitchen. There were six young women who looked to be in their late teens. Matt couldn't place their ages easily. Three were Black, two Hispanic, and one White. Here, in Kim's apartment, among this diverse assembly of young women he felt a strong sense of being in a cozy home and being welcomed. It felt good, even if he himself was the outsider.
Off to the side Matt noticed another woman, older than Kim, who sat proper and upright with a sweater draped across her shoulders, close-cropped gray hair, and a set of tasteful but very noticeable diamond ring bands that sat on finely manicured fingers.
Kim escorted him around the room, holding his shoulder as he reached out and shook each young woman's hand while Kim shared their names. Each offered a polite, if nervous, smile in return.
“And Matt, this is Ginny Holcomb,” Kim placed a warm maternal hand on the older woman's shoulder while Matt reached out and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you, Ginny.”
“And you as well,” the older woman returned, without much explanation from either her or Kim as to what her role there was, but then, Matt didn't know what anyone's role was for that matter.
Matt scanned the walls. There were a number of displays from Kim's time in the Army: an American flag folded into a triangle and encased, ribbons, signed photos from former Commanders, a display sitting on a side table with coins, pins, and other paraphernalia picked up from her time on active duty, and lots of pictures of Kim in uniform, with that beaming smile and sunny personality, on bases around the world. It was hard to reconcile the world of experience that the walls showed, with Kim's age. She was still just in her mid-40s.
“Okay, ladies!” Kim called the room to order, “And you, Matt!” Kim pointedly called out with a loud laugh. Kim had a unique way of cutting through what could be obvious challenges in building a relationship between a seemingly stiff finance guy like Matt and a bunch of young women. Within minutes everyone felt safe and connected. Kim's force of personality, probably something she learned in the Army, brought an inordinate amount of confidence to a room that said, Go ahead and act shy – I'll give you about 30 seconds, but then you're in my house, under my rules, and here we are all going to be a family, so don't worry, Kim's got you!
Everyone found seats, while Kim darted in and out of the kitchen, where she busily started pouring bowls of chili, sprinkling cheese and onions on top, bringing them out two at a time to hand to each of the women. After a few sprints she brought two final bowls for Ginny, who had still remained fairly silent sitting on the perimeter, and Matt.
Kim threw her apron off and returned to the circle of women, and Matt. “Come close – squeeze in everybody. You, too, Ginny, come on and squeeze in.
“Okay,” Kim started, “rather than me do the talking let's hear from one of our young ladies here.…Taneka,” Kim called with a school teacher's directness that surprised Matt but apparently not Taneka, “why don't you explain to our guests what we are doing here.”
Taneka, who appeared shy, set her bowl of chili down, and looked cautiously at her peers for support and then collected herself and began to share. “This is what we call ‘Dining In’ here at Auntie Kim's. We do it every couple of weeks on Sunday. Auntie Kim makes chili, and we get together and we talk about life and stuff, and Auntie Kim helps us with things that we need, and we try to help each other as well. Each of us,” Taneka went on, pointing to the other young women in the circle, “grew up in the system, so we can talk together about challenges and different things. It's like a family.”
“Thank you, Taneka.” Kim reassumed control of the group. “So that's right and tonight is a little unusual because we have two guests, my friends Ginny and Matt.” Kim smiled and motioned to the two outsiders. “But we are just going to pretend they aren't here and do as we always do it. And you're right, Taneka, we are a family, and this is how we support each other and show up for each other.”
Kim proceeded to facilitate a check-in in which each woman shared what was going on with her. There was a structure to the conversation that in some ways reminded Matt of the Third Shift Entrepreneurs check-in, only here each woman answered the questions: “How's my body, how's my mind, how's my heart, and what do I need from my family?”
Some shared incredible challenges. The stories were, for Matt, heart wrenching at times, inspiring at times, and mundane at times, too, everything from figuring out where to sleep on a given night or week, to acceptances to colleges, to boyfriends, to new clothes, to new jobs started and the need for transit passes. The women were at once just ordinary young women thinking about all the things that you would expect, but amidst sometimes extraordinary circumstances.
Matt felt inspired by each of these women and inspired by this community, which was not something he'd had in his life. Kim's natural gift for convening and leading this family was evident. The power of a weekly ritual like a dinner, with chili that was also unbelievably good (Kim's godmother's recipe, she was quick to give credit), was evident. Kim validated each of the stories she heard and the challenges the young women faced with her own stories of homelessness, growing up in foster care, and ultimately perseverance. One of the women had just that week chosen to enlist in the U.S. Navy – a decision that she gave much credit to Kim for being an inspiration toward. That, and other small triumphs, were causes for celebration this evening.
Kim, after the young women had shared, insisted on pulling Ginny and Matt into the conversation as well. Kim was resolute, as she explained to everyone that we are a human family and none of us is exempt from the feelings, dreams, and challenges that come from living our lives. Kim also said it plainly and with a loving laugh to both Ginny and Matt, “You don't get a pass! My house, my rules!” Ginny and Matt both shared vulnerable things in turn. For Ginny, it was the death of her husband and also the fact that he was an alcoholic and sometimes abusive to her. It was something that she had never shared, never felt she could share among her friends, but hearing the incredible vulnerability of these young women she felt compelled to share with them. She talked about how his funeral was widely attended given he was a prominent and very successful businessman, but privately she had a mixed set of emotions related to him, their marriage, and the damage inflicted on her and her children. She had tears rolling down her cheeks as she shared these things. Kim, seated on one side, put her arm around her and pulled her close while Taneka, seated on the other side, offered her tissues.
Matt was also moved to tears – not something he had experienced in a long time. He didn't consider himself insensitive: it's just that his life had in many respects become sterile and lost some of this humanity that comes with not being out in the world. He took in this apartment, these women, and was so grateful to be in the company of inspiring people living different lives from his own – something not otherwise available in his finance job and otherwise insular life. This was part of it for him: the Army had given him this bigger life full of purpose and characters who were different from him, but everything since had felt like an increasing narrowing in of a smaller life, arguably more successful and idealized by superficial standards. But it was missing something, some connection to adventure and discovery and deeper connection with people. Sitting with these women and reflecting on the last several weeks with his new friends he had made from the Third Shift Entrepreneurs, he saw a clearer image of the life he wanted, and the life that he was now pursuing.
With Matt the last to share, and not really sure how to follow the women, including Ginny, that he had heard, he started by thanking everyone for allowing him to be there. Kim encouraged him, “Listen – don't be nervous. We don't expect you to have a life like anybody else's except your own. That's all that matters. Tell us about your life, Matt.”
And with that Matt shared how he had felt stuck, lacking purpose, and had dreams of being an entrepreneur, but had been stuck with that as well. He shared he was excited about The Climbers and was making some moves to shake up his life in other ways as well, disrupting some routines and doing some of this soul searching as well. The women listened politely, though their faces suggested they found this uninteresting or unrelatable. He paused, and then shared that he had felt too insecure to start a family until he felt like he was the person he wanted to be. He shared about his fear of ending up like his unhappy father. He shared about the highs and lows that came with his time of serving in the Army. He shared about how all of this accumulated inside of him and gave him anxiety, and as he approached midlife, he could see a crisis brewing. He shared that the deep gratitude that he had for Sabina is holding him through this process. And then he shared that he was finally ready to have a baby, something that his wife had been wanting for a long time. And with that the women exploded with cheers and broke into an impromptu chant of “Baby! Baby! Baby!”
The conversation and dinner went on for two hours, and Kim ultimately concluded with a prayer over the women to protect them and to ensure their gifts were able to flourish in the world. When Kim stood up, she hugged each one, and then came to hug Ginny and Matt as well.
Ginny took Kim's hand. “What you have done here is really, really extraordinary,” she told Kim. “I see it. It didn't just impact the young women here, but you impacted me. I'm all in. Let's meet next week to talk about where we go from here.”
Kim couldn't contain herself. “Oh, Ginny – oh, my goodness – I'm sorry to be all excited like this but I just prayed a prayer that we would do this faithfully and the right people would show up. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!”
Ginny cracked a smile, her first of the night, and slipped out the front door.
Still high, Kim turned to Matt. “You see – Ginny I've known for about a year. I was volunteering at a gala that supports an organization for people in foster care. She was one of the sponsors of the event and I made a point to meet her and share a little bit about my heart for helping women in foster care. We've emailed here and there over the last year and I know that she has some serious money,” Kim grabbed Matt's hand, “do you know what I'm sayin'? Serious money…but I didn't want to make the wrong ask. Renault and the crew told me be smart, don't just ask her for financial support, show her what you're doing and the magic in it all. So, I've been building for tonight for some time, but it was a success.
“In the past, and even with Ginny, I was all over the map about what I wanted to do. I mean, I know I love these girls and that's not the issue, but the question was how do you take that love and turn it into a plan that makes sense? I thought because I want to start a not-for-profit that people will just help you because it's charitable. Not true, they told me. The rules still apply for how you launch a business, even if it's a not-for-profit. And then I wasn't focused, so the Third Shift crew has been pushing focus. Today I've settled on housing – create a house where we host weekly dinners and where some women live for free, others pay, so it's a differentiated pricing model. But basically, take what we did here.” Kim panned her arm across the living room. “And take it up a notch. Six bedrooms and also serve as a home for the whole community, like being an adult and dropping in on your parents' house. There needs to be a place to show up and regroup. We all need that in life. I've got a building that would be perfect – an old bed-and-breakfast – and I shared with Ginny that this would be the perfect place. Dinners every night, or some bigger dinners once a week for all the girls coming out of foster care. I've been saying this for a while but wanted Ginny to come see it because sometimes I think I know what it is in my head and heart but have a hard time explaining it.”
Kim paused, took a breath, and clasped her hands in prayer. “But, oh, my goodness, I think she saw it tonight and gets it.”
“So, listen,” Kim continued, “before you go…I'm giving you some homework. Have a brave conversation with someone who could help you. It doesn't need to be perfect, but it needs to be specific and it definitely needs to show your passion coming through. I can't have Ginny sitting in my living room if I don't reach out to Ginny. When she sees me like this, then she knows it's real and can make this happen along with me and give me some of that financial support that I need. When you have your vision, and it's looking clear, you need to bring other specific people alongside you. I'm not talking about posting on LinkedIn – you have to do that, too. That's important for how you publicly commit yourself to the task at hand. But you also need to have a specific and personal conversation with someone who can help move the needle for you. You'll be surprised at how helpful people will want to be when they believe your heart is pure and your plan is clear.”
The young women continued to chatter and laugh in the background, and this time Matt initiated the hug, thanking Kim for being able to witness the evening. He thanked the young women for inspiring him with their stories and he slipped out, stomach full of chili, head full of ideas, and heart full of gratitude.