Will and Nic were watching The Block when the front door opened and there was Lena standing in the doorway looking twelve and fifty all at once.
‘Listen,’ she said, ‘I meant it when I said I want to ignore it.’
‘Ignore what?’ Aunty Nic said, not looking away from the TV. ‘My hoarding, Will’s pill thieving or your porn career?’
A second of shocked silence and then, ‘What did Will do?’
‘Thieved my painkillers, the bugger.’
‘What, to sell? You back on that bullshit?’ Lena chucked her backpack in the corner next to the TV, propped herself on the edge of the sofa he was sitting on. She was all jutting elbows and knees and he wanted to punch his younger self in the face for being so angry at the height of her. Imagine ever wishing she was smaller!
‘Settle down, you. I had a bit of a toothache, needed some relief. Meanwhile, you didn’t even notice Aunty Nic used the H word.’
‘I noticed. It’s just that I think your return to criminality is the headline here.’
‘My criminality? So porn is legal in New South Wales, is it? I wouldn’t know.’
‘May or may not be,’ Aunty Nic said, still watching the telly. ‘But what’s not is hacking the balls off a college boy.’
‘Who’s done that?’ Will asked, finding it hard not to smile, suddenly.
‘No one yet,’ Aunty Nic said, finally cutting a glance at Lena. ‘But soon as Leen gives me a name, I’ll be on my way.’
‘Sweet,’ Lena said, face softening at last. ‘As long as you don’t bring those filthy things back here. Last thing this place needs is more clutter.’
‘’Course not! They’ll be going right down his throat.’ Aunty Nic made three sharp movements: slice, slice, stuff.
‘Sickos,’ Will said, and Lena scooted across so her side crashed into his. He lifted an arm, let it fall on her bony shoulder.
‘How’s your toothache now?’ Lena asked, resting her weight against him a little more.
‘Gone. Thanks to Aunty Nic’s generosity.’
‘You should’ve told me you were in so much pain.’
‘Look who’s talking,’ Aunty Nic said.
‘Look who’s talking,’ Lena and Will said back.
Later, after Will had helped Aunty Nic to bed and was waiting for her to swallow her pills, Lena came into the room, hovered near the door. ‘Listen, Nic, I need to tell you . . I’m sorry. It was stupid of me to just get rid of everything. I really did want to help, but …’ The tears started flowing before she’d finished speaking. It was the worst thing of all, seeing his sister cry. It had been what broke him at Dad’s funeral, Lena sobbing into Mum’s shoulder. He’d cried until he couldn’t see then.
‘Forget that for the minute,’ Aunty Nic said, placing the water glass on the bedside table, patting the bed. ‘Tell me, for real, how are you?’
Lena on the furthest edge of the bed, as stiff and straight as a ballerina. Will ached to reach out and pull her close, stroke her sweaty hair. It wasn’t his place, though. This was between her and Aunty Nic. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to leave them to it.
‘I feel,’ Lena said, voice so soft he had to hold his breath to hear, ‘like everything is ruined.’
‘Nothing is ruined.’ Aunty Nic’s voice was stronger than he’d heard it since he’d arrived.
‘I am.’
‘I know it feels like that, but it’s not true. Some rich little turd has done a shitty, shitty thing and it’s knocked the wind from you. Of course it has. It’d do the same to anyone. But you’ll get your breath back. It’ll be okay.’
‘If Mum finds out, she won’t cope. She won’t.’
‘You don’t give her near enough credit if you think that. It’s your decision to tell her or not, but you two know better than anyone that your mother’s a strong woman who loves you both to the moon and back. There’s nothing either of you could do that’d change that.’
It was the kind of thing an aunty was meant to say, Will knew, but he also knew it was true. Mum was gutted when he was sent to jail, but she never once made him feel like it was the end of anything, least of all their relationship. She called every single day. Wrote almost as often.
‘Mum aside, there’s a whole world of … How can I be a teacher? As soon as the school searches my name, it’s over.’ Looking at Will now. ‘And if I did manage to get a job, and one of the kids in my class googles me! Can you imagine? God! Not to mention when I have kids myself. Not that I’ll ever get to that point. Blokes google before they go out with someone, right? Good luck ever having a date with someone who hasn’t already seen all my bits! It just goes on and on. I’ll always be her now. The girl in the video. The dumb whore who—’
‘Stop it!’ Aunty Nic’s voice like a whip, cracking through the rising panic. ‘He’s ruined, the kind of person who could do something like that. Only him.’ Nic pulled herself upright, closed her eyes for a second. She was in pain and they should leave her alone, but before Will could intervene she went on. ‘Listen to me: when we’re out together, having lunch, I can’t believe everyone in the place isn’t staring, pointing, asking for pictures. I want to call out, tell all these clueless people what they’re missing. Boast that I’m your aunty, actually related to this extraordinary creature. I can hardly stand it that they’re all sitting there oblivious, like they’re eating alongside just anyone, when there you are: Lena! You’re magnificent! And to think that this, this, this boy has treated you like you’re some ordinary—no, worse than that! An ordinary girl shouldn’t be treated like this either. No one should. He’s treated you like you’re not real. Like you’re a thing. But, my god, the thought that someone like him could ruin you even if he tried his very, very hardest is ridiculous. Can a mosquito ruin a dragon? Never! It’s an irritant. That’s all, Lena. That’s all.’
Lena’s face streamed with tears, but she made no sound. Will felt his heart would never stop breaking. He wanted nothing so much as to climb onto the bed and snuggle under Aunty Nic’s arm like when he was little. Feel the solid, pure certainty of her love. But even if he wasn’t a grown adult man he couldn’t do it. She was breathing heavily after her outburst. What he needed to do was calm things down, let her rest.
‘Aunty Nic’s right, Leen. It’s going to be okay.’ Relieved his voice came out normal.
‘You know that’s not true, Will. You know there’s no way to truly get rid of this thing.’
And she was right, of course. It was the fucking internet. They’d been taught since they were six years old that you don’t put anything online you’re not willing to have out there forever. ‘Maybe not. But you’ll find a way to live with it.’
‘Listen to your brother,’ Aunty Nic said, soft now. ‘He knows what he’s talking about.’
‘That’d be a first.’ But not meaning it, he knew. She was listening, looking to him.
He didn’t know what Dad would do, or Mum, but he knew what he needed to. He punched her arm.
‘Let’s take this to the pub, give Aunty Nic some rest.’
Tiny tired smile. ‘Okay.’
‘You’re paying, but. I bought dinner.’
‘With Nic’s money, I bet.’
‘I’m unemployed.’
‘Same, though.’
‘Bloody bludgers. Take my Mastercard and bugger off, will you? I’m exhausted.’
They kissed her goodnight, crept out like she was a lightly sleeping baby. In the hallway, Lena took a great heaving breath and Will thought she would start sobbing again, but she righted herself quickly. Gave him a nod. And on they went.