Chapter 15
Allen walked back to the living room to join his dad, clutching the phone to his chest, his therapy session with Heather confirmed. He couldn't shake it.
Heather’s bitter smile cut him like a knife that night. Their kiss shook him to his core. He never wanted to let go.
Did he lose his mind for a second? Why did he kiss her? He ran his hand down his face. He had moved past that his marriage was over, but he never thought of caring for someone as strong as he cared for Heather.
He wanted to know more. What made her smile? Christmas was at the top of her list, and even then, he had been willing to give in to see her happy.
Then her damp eyes flashed in his mind. He hurt her. Though she shrugged him off and wished him goodnight, he walked away with a pain in the back of his throat.
“Son? Everything okay?” His father turned the pages in his copy of To Kill a Mockingbird.
Allen dragged his feet back to the living area and plopped on the couch.
“I guess not.” His father closed his paperback and faced his son.
“I think I messed up,” Allen said.
“Can you fix it?”
He rested his head on the back of the sofa. “I don’t know.”
He faced his dad who rubbed his bearded chin. “I remember when your mother put that look on my face.”
Allen sighed. “Only a woman, huh?”
“It happens. The question is, do you care enough about her?”
Allen leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “I’ve been here before, Dad. I can’t lose myself again.”
“You were young and Crystal didn’t know what she wanted either.”
“But I ruined things.”
His father held up his hand to stop him. “You were not the only one at fault and the accident didn't help. Accept your mistakes and learn from them.”
It didn't change what happened. Like a sheeted ghost, his past haunted him.
Allen's father continued. “Divorce is tough. I saw what it did to my parents, and I refused to go through that, but when I met your mother all that changed. I risked my heart and I’ve never regretted it.” His father paused as his voice choked. He covered his mouth for a moment, but then faced his son once more. “Is it worth the risk, son?”
Was it? He only knew Heather for a short time, but she kindled his emotions like a fire. He thought that part of him died. When he signed the divorce papers, Allen was sure he would never give someone that much power to hurt him again. “I don’t know.”
“You’re a good man. I raised you that way. You’ll figure it out.”
Allen checked his watch. He had to get to work. “Thanks, Pop.”
His father gave him a wave, his eyes glued to the TV. “You bet.”
Allen chuckled at his dad as he walked out and back to his truck. With tunnel vision, he drove Heather’s place. The tree-shaped air freshener, hanging from his rearview mirror, dangled as he drove. She was his first appointment today.
He forced a smile. To his surprise, she didn’t cancel or request someone else. What would he say? He already apologized and she said, “no problem.” That wasn’t true, not based on her tight expression.
He pulled into her driveway and let out a shaky breath. He grabbed his equipment and walked to her front door. Ringing the doorbell, Tinsel’s barks put him at ease, but when Heather opened the door, he froze.
“Well?” She blinked. “Are you going to stand there all day?”
Allen shook his head. “Sorry, how are you?”
She opened the door for him. “Ready to get this over with.”
He walked past her. She avoided his gaze, even when he extended his hand to help her to the floor. He rolled out the mat. He was here to do his job, but it wasn’t just that anymore.
He had kissed her. She kissed him back. His lips tingled even now at the memories of her in his arms.
Allen sighed. There would never be a right time. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“Heather?”
“It shouldn’t have happened.” Her stare was blank. She couldn’t be serious, not after the way she had responded to him.
He did this. He had to reassure her. “No, I don’t want you thinking I don’t care.”
“You’re my physical therapist, Allen. You did a nice thing for me and I got caught up in the moment.” She gave a polite smile, but it didn’t appear genuine.
“I was married before, Heather.”
Heather blinked as her body went still.
He sat back against her couch. “I met Crystal in college and we fell in love quickly. She came from money, but she wanted a career of her own. Very independent. Outgoing. She got accepted into law school out of state but I proposed.” He paused for a second, but his rigid muscles eased when Heather took his hand.
Allen continued. “She accepted, and we married with a big wedding. We talked about what we wanted, but she was always hesitant on the subject of kids. I grew up an only child so I want my kids to have siblings. We got into a big argument one day and that’s when she said she didn’t want them. She wanted her career.”
“I’m so sorry,” Heather said.
He sighed. “The worst part of it was when I found out about my mother's cancer. My dad called me the night Crystal made partner, and I was on my way to her celebration dinner, but I ended up going to see my mother. The next day Crystal's mother called telling me she was in a car accident.”
Heather's grip tightened inside his hand. He didn't pull away. He exhaled as the monsters of his past screamed inside his head. He could finish. He wanted Heather to know. “Crystal suffered from retrograde amnesia. She didn't remember me at all. She barely recognized her family members.”
“Allen...” Heather scooted closer to him.
Allen shut his eyes. “It was too much to handle at one time. Between her and my mother's cancer in stage four, I felt the walls were closing in on me. Then Crystal's parents suggested we divorce. They knew of our problems in the past and thought it was best. By that time, my mother died, and I was numb from losing her, I agreed. I wanted a fresh start, and I figured Crystal would be better off.”
Heather stroked his arm. “I can't imagine what that felt like.”
He faced her soft eyes. Her voice soothing him. He reached out and cupped her cheek. “So can you understand why that night freaked me out? I wasn't expecting to feel something like this.”
“Me neither.”
“For a long time, I thought it damaged me. I thought perhaps I couldn't have something special.” His eyes never left hers. “I'm doubting that now.”
Heather gave half a smile.
“I thought that night was a mistake.”
Her chin trembled. “I did too.” She covered her face with her free hand. “How did this happen?”
“I don’t know.” He clasped the hand on her face, lacing her fingers with his. “But I can't say I regret it.”
“I can't either.”
Allen then gestured to her yoga mat. “Should we start our session?”
***
Heather gave a slight shake of her head. No wonder he pulled away from her. He started her with her regular knee props. The tenseness in her stomach increased. She groaned.
Should she share with him her past? Her six-week rule? Things were moving too fast, and it wowed her.
“Heather?”
She blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”
He held out a stretch band. “We’re on to the clamshells.”
“Right.” She moved to lean on her side. Allen looped the band around her ankles, she pulled it to rest around her knees.
Each time she raised her leg, she bit the inside of her cheek. Allen never gave her too much, but he never gave her the easy way out.
“And rest.”
Church bells rang when she heard the words. “That was a tough one.”
“Not too much right?” He winked.
Her breath hitched. “No.”
He helped her sit up, but he ran his thumb over her hand. “I am sorry about that night, Heather.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I do. It’s been a while since I cared about someone, but I do.” He rubbed her chin with his thumb. “I don’t think I can stop. I… think I want to risk it.”
Heather dipped her chin to her chest, and he moved his hand away. “I’m not good at this,” she said.
“We can take it slow. That will be best for me too.” His voice sounded hopeful.
“I haven’t been in a serious relationship before.” She exhaled. “I kept to myself in high school and college, occasionally having a date for prom and school dances when I went. I… have dated no one past… six weeks.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Why six weeks?”
She shrugged. “It’s easier to let go.”
His lips parted as if he wanted to say more, but he stopped himself. Instead, he squeezed her hand and then released it. “You can tell me the rest when you’re ready. I know about bad memories.”
Heather breathed a little easier. “Thank you.”
His eye contact remained strong. It was as if Allen could see into her soul. Even his touch was lethal, sending warmth throughout her body.
“We should get back to your workout,” he said.
She cleared her throat. “We should.”
He inched closer. “And yet...” He leaned over cupping her cheek. “I’ve been waiting to do this all day.”
Heather closed her eyes, her heart racing. Her brain once again told her to pull away, but she ignored it. His hand ran down her neck again, leaving a trail of heat behind. Allen barely grazed her lips with his when Tinsel’s barking filled the room. They both turned their faces to look at her dog. She squinted her eyes at him, but her smile gave her away. “Would you mind letting him out in the backyard?”
Allen smiled, stood to his feet, and let Tinsel outside for her. Heather touched her cheeks, feeling the heat from her face.