Devastated after Chiyoko blocked him from messaging her, Ryu went on the 2-chan Single Men’s ‘Broken Hearted’ message forum under the avatar Orz Man, starting the thread: ‘Loser Geek Needs Help.’ Almost immediately, his story went viral, catching the imaginations of the board’s inhabitants, and eventually attracting millions of hits.
Translation by Eric Kushan, who notes that American shortcuts and slang have been used to approximate the Japanese net slang used on the boards.
NAME: ORZ MAN POST DATE: 2012/04/05 01:32:39.32
Need some advice from u Netizens please!!! I need to reconnect with a girl who is blocking me from contacting her.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Why’d she dump u Orz?
NAME: ORZ MAN
She thinks I betrayed a confidence, but it wasn’t me. _|7O
NAME: ANONYMOUS275
Been there dude but need more info.
NAME: ORZ MAN
Okay… this may take a while. I’ve been talking to this girl online, who I’ll call the ice princess. She’s way above my level, so u can imagine how amazed I was that someone like her would spend time with a loser like me. We were getting on well, talking every day and sharing stuff, u know? Then… something happened. A… let’s call it a story was leaked that made her family look bad and she thought it was me and now she has blocked me from messaging her.
I don’t want you guys to think I’m a loser. But it hurts. When she stopped taking my messages, it was like my stomach was made of glass and then it shattered.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
‘Like my stomach was made of glass.’ That’s beautiful, Orz.
NAME: ANONYMOUS28
I’m cryin here.
NAME: ORZ MAN
Thanks. I’m in a bad way. It hurts like a physical pain. I can’t eat or sleep. I keep reading our messages over and over again. I spent hours today analysing every single word we’ve ever shared.
NAME: ANONYMOUS23
Ouch!!!! U gotta learn that women are only there to cause u pain, Orz dude. Fuck them.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Ignore 23.
Been where u r Orz. Is there any hope you can reconnect?
NAME: ANONYMOUS23
What does she look like? Is she hot????
NAME: ANONYMOUS99
<SIGH> U r such a noob 23.
NAME: ORZ MAN
I’ve only seen her once. And not in person. She looks a little like Hazuki Hitori.
NAME: ANONYMOUS678
Hazuki Hitori from the Sunny Juniors? Ba-doom! Orz, yr taste is good, dude. I’m in love with her too.
NAME: ANONYMOUS709
Hazuki???? Arrrrrr-ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Keep your lust in check, Netizens.
Orz, u need to go and talk to her in person. Tell her how u feel.
NAME: ORZ MAN
It’s not as easy as that. This is embarrassing. U guys… I still live with my parents and I’m kinda housebound.
NAME: ANONYMOUS 987
It’s cool. I also live at home.
NAME: ORZ MAN
Not what I meant. I haven’t left the house in um… a while. I haven’t even left my room.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
How long is a while, Orz?
NAME: ORZ MAN
U guys r going to judge me!!!!
Over a year. _|7O
NAME: ANONYMOUS87
Meatspace can be a fucker. Here’s a tip, Orz. If u don’t want to go to the bathroom then keep old plastic water bottles under yr desk for emergencies. What I do when I’m on a gaming binge.
NAME: ANONYMOUS786
LOL!!!
Good advice, 87!
NAME: ANONYMOUS23
Netizens. Orz here is a hikikomori.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Orz socialises on the net, which means he is capable of human contact. He’s just a recluse not a proper hikikomori.
[The thread is briefly disrupted by an argument about the true nature of a hikikomori]
NAME: ORZ MAN
I’m here. Listen… sorry for wasting yr time. Writing that makes me realise… What would she see in me anyway? Why would she even look at such a loser?
Look at me… No job, no cash, no hope.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Is yr princess dead? No. Then there is always hope. Netizens, this man needs our help. Time to suit up.
NAME: ANONYMOUS85
Get the weapons loaded.
NAME: ANONYMOUS337
Train that princess in your sights.
NAME: ANONYMOUS23
Locked and loaded, SIR!
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
First, we gotta help Orz get out of his room.
NAME: ANONYMOUS47
Orz. Some good advice:
1. Clean yrself up so that u look as presentable as possible. No bed hair or pimples.
2. Go to Uniqlo and get some good clothes nothing flashy.
4. Offer to buy her dinner.
5. At dinner, tell her how you feel.
That way, even if she cuts you off, you will have no regrets.
NAME: ANONYMOUS23
Orz might not know where she lives if they’ve only been talking online. He said he has no money so how can he buy new clothes?
NAME: ORZ MAN
Thanks for the advice. I don’t have her address but I know she lives near the Yoyogi station.
NAME: ANONYMOUS414
There is a good pasta place near there.
NAME: ANONYMOUS23
Pasta for a first date? Go Yakitori, French or ethnic then u have a talking point.
[The thread diverts into a discussion about the best place to take a first date]
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
It’s not a first date. Orz and his princess are cyber soul mates.
Netizens, yr missing the point. First Orz has to clean up and get out of his room.
NAME: ORZ MAN
You really think I should try and see her in person?
[A chorus of ‘yes’, ‘do it dude’, ‘what have you got to lose’ etc., follows]
NAME: ORZ MAN
Okay. You have almost convinced me! Now the practicalities…
I think I can get some money but not much. The princess lives in a different prefecture so I need somewhere to stay while I search for her house. Can’t afford a hotel. Any suggestions? Any of u stayed over in a net cafe? Is it an option?
NAME: ANONYMOUS89
Not ideal, but I have done it once on the outskirts of Shinjuku. Cheap and u can get vending food there.
[The netizens bombard Orz with advice, arguing about where he should stay and how best to attract the princess’s attention]
NAME: ORZ MAN
I got to sleep. Been up for 20 hours. Thanks guys. U really helped me. Don’t feel so alone any more.
NAME: ANONYMOUS789
U can do it, Orz.
NAME: ANONYMOUS122
Do it for the geeks.
NAME: ANONYMOUS20
Good luck!!!! We are all there with you, Orz. C’mon dude, u can doooooooooooooooo it.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Keep us posted!!!!!
[Two days later, Ryu, aka Orz Man, reappears on the thread, during which time, much speculation has gone on]
NAME: ORZ MAN POST DATE: 2012/04/07 01:37:19.30
Don’t know if any of you here on the thread I started the other day are listening. Been reading through what all of u have been saying. So blown away by the amount of support I have on this site!
Just wanted to let u guys know I took your advice. I left the house.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Orz! Where are u now?
NAME: ORZ MAN
I’m staying in a net cafe cubicle.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
What is it like being out in the big bad world? We need details. Start from the beginning.
NAME: ORZ MAN
Ah. Like I said, I followed all your advice. First, I cleaned myself up. Brushed my teeth, which were yellow from too much smoking. Next, the hair. Didn’t have cash for a haircut, so did it myself. Don’t think I did too bad a job!
Now the hard part. U guys are seriously gonna judge me for this. My parents were at work when I left and I took the savings my mother keeps in the kitchen. Not much but enough to keep me going for a couple of weeks if I’m careful. I left a note, but I still feel bad about it. I said I’d decided to leave to find a job so that I would no longer be a burden on the family.
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
U did the right thing, Orz. U can pay them back when u are on yr feet.
NAME: ANONYMOUS28
Yeah, Orz. U did the only thing u could do in that situation. Keep going and tell us the full deets.
NAME: ORZ MAN
Thanks guys. More details… okay.
My shoes were still in the cupboard next to the front door where I’d left them a year ago. They were covered in dust.
Leaving the house was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Trying to think of how to explain it… when I stepped outside, I felt like I was a matchstick in an ocean. Everything looked too bright, too big. The curtain twitchers were out in force. I know they have been gossiping about me for months, something that has caused my mother a lot of distress.
It was early afternoon when I left, but even my district seemed to be unbearably busy. Kept feeling the tug of my room. It was like I was being pulled back, but I fought against it and made myself jog to the station. I bought a ticket to Shinjuku before I could change my mind. It felt like everyone I saw was pointing and laughing at me.
Won’t go into the constant panic attacks I had to fend off when I arrived at Shinjuku. Not knowing what to do, I went into a Yoshinoya outlet although I didn’t feel like eating. I made myself ask the counter guy if he knew of somewhere cheap I could stay. He was cool, gave me directions to this net cafe.
Going to be honest here… kinda freaking out…
NAME: ANONYMOUS179
Don’t freak out dude. We’re here 4 u. So what’s next? How will you find her house?
NAME: ORZ MAN
I’ve done some research. Her family… let’s just say they are not unknown, and I have managed to source the address.
NAME: ANONYMOUS179
U mean she’s famous???
[The next few hours are spent dispensing more words of wisdom and speculating on who the princess’s family could be]
NAME: ORZ MAN
I’m thinking that if I get up the nerve to see her, the best thing to do would be to wait for her parents to leave the house.
NAME: ANONYMOUS865
Orz’s broken glass stomach is tinkling. He lights a cigarette and stands beneath a streetlight watching the princess’s house. He crushes the cigarette under his boot, walks up to the front door, and knocks.
She opens it. He can’t breathe. She is even more beautiful than he remembers.
‘It’s me, Orz,’ he says, taking off his shades.
‘Take me away from all of this,’ she pleads, dropping to her knees in front of him. ‘Do me, do me now!’
NAME: ANONYMOUS761
Nice work 865, made me LOL!!!
NAME: ORZ MAN
Been thinking… I might know how to get her attention…
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Don’t leave us in suspense.
NAME: ANONYMOUS2
Yeah, Orz. We’re on yr team, dude!!!!
NAME: ORZ MAN
I’ll tell u tomorrow if it works. If it doesn’t I will be curled in a ball, slitting my wrists and sobbing.
NAME: ANONYMOUS286
Victory is yr only option Orz! You can do iiiiit!!!!
[After Ryu left the message board, the following exchange occurred]
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Netizens… I think I know who the princess is.
NAME: ANONYMOUS874
Who?
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Orz said that the princess’s family is well known. He also said that she lives near the Yoyogi station.
Hiro lives in Yoyogi.
NAME: ANONYMOUS23
Hiro????????? Miracle child Hiro? Android boy?
NAME: ANONYMOUS111
Yeah. Hiro is staying with his aunt and uncle. They’ve got a daughter. Checked through the footage of the memorial service. Spotted a girl who looks like Hazuki in the crowd standing near the family, and another one who is not as hot.
NAME: ANONYMOUS23
Our humble Orz is in love with Android Boy’s cousin??? GO ORZ!