I was scared.
But the second I saw Nick, that raw, real feeling was drowned out by a tidal wave of learned habits.
Don't upset him.
Don't cause drama.
Don't be a pain in the ass.
The fear was already a distant, inappropriate memory.
And Everett reminding me of it was as unwelcome as the fear itself.
"Hey now." I waved my hands at Rett like he was a spooked horse. "Back off, Boy Scout. It's not a big deal."
Rett stepped back from his stare down with Nick. He ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up crazily.
I took a deep breath and tried to still my shaking hands. I tried to smile. Seeing Rett in disarray reminded me of my own fear. I didn't like it. "Rett. Stop being weird."
He ignored me. "I'm going to text you the picture. Right now," he rumbled to Nick.
The air was thick with a weird, unbearable tension. I didn't know how to deal with it. A sick little giggle escaped my lips and suddenly I was laughing like crazy.
It was all so absurd, the three of us making a huge deal out of nothing more than a footprint in the grass. "Guys! It's nothing! It's fine. Not a big deal at all." I turned to Nick. "Sorry to bother you, man." I swallowed. "It was good to see you again," I lied.
Nick broke his stare down with Rett and puffed up. "It was good to see you too, Reese's Pieces." My smile faltered at my old nickname, but I pasted it back into place. "And you've got nothing to worry about. I've been on the force a while. I've got a nose for trouble and this doesn't smell like trouble. Probably a tourist taking a shortcut back from the falls."
"Yeah, that's it. I'm sure of it. You're absolutely right." I nodded enthusiastically.
A noise from Rett's direction let me know he disagreed. I ignored my still racing heart and shot him a look. "Don't worry about it, Rett."
Nick faced Rett and rolled his eyes. "Man, McLame. You don't change, do you?"
I winced at the nasty high school nickname. But Rett held Nick's gaze long enough that Nick finally backed down. When he retreated to his patrol car, something in my chest unknotted and I took a full breath for the first time.
The Queen of Kegstands. A fun name for a terrible time.
My mom didn't disappear all at once. Right before she split for good, there was a period where she would be there one day and gone the next. Every day I'd come home later and later, hoping to find her waiting for me. I figured, in some strange way, that if I let her catch me coming home drunk and stumbling through the door, I'd force her to mother me somehow. We may fight, but at least she'd be there.
But my mother was a tornado. Unpredictable. And just as destructive. And every time she wasn't there when I came home late, I came home later the next night. It would have been awful to come home to her anger.
But it was even harder to come home to her absence. So I stayed in the woods with my friends, and stopped coming home at all.
I'd put those days behind me. Derek and Jesse seemed happy to do the same. But Nick wouldn't let me move on. He couldn't know the hurt he caused when he called me that. I laughed and went along with it. I called myself it as well.
I couldn't be mad.
"I'll keep an eye on the place," Nick called out his window.
The idea of Nick coming back again made me anxious. "It's nothing!" I called. "Don't worry about it, okay?"
"Stop playing it off like it's nothing," Rett rumbled in a voice that cut right through me.
"But it probably is," I wavered, unable to keep from swaying a little.
He saw, and came to my side. "Let's get you inside."
"I can do it myself." But his hand went to the small of my back anyway.
As he helped me up the stairs, I stopped for a second. The flood of adrenaline that had poured through me when I saw that unfamiliar bootprint suddenly drained away. I yawned hugely.
Rett wrapped his arm around my waist just a bit more tightly that what friendship called for.
I chalked it up to worry. We were friends. We'd known each other forever. My brother was his best friend. He'd just always been around. Now he was around again. The New Year's closet mistake needed to stay in the past with the rest of my regrettable decisions.
But every cell in my body came alive under his touch.
Whether it was alcohol or adrenaline that propelled me, I couldn't be sure. But I turned to him. With me on the porch and him on the step below, our faces were level. His lips were so tempting.
I leaned in.
He leaned away.
"Call me if you need anything." His face was half in shadow. "I like being useful. So you tell me what you need, okay?"
For a second, I considered telling him exactly what I needed.
Instead I smiled. "Sure."
With one last nod, he retreated down my walkway. Leaving me wondering why I felt so rattled. Was it the prowler that had me shaking?
Or was it him?