The pictures were so sharp and clear in my head. All of the different ways that could have all gone wrong.
I turned my face against Rett's chest, pressing my cheek to his heart. The slow, steady thump calmed me as I stared out at the chaos that surrounded us, not really seeing any of it. "I almost let her go," I said dully.
"Shh," Rett soothed, brushing his hand through my hair.
"No, I did," I repeated. I had no idea why I needed to make him hear me say this, why it was so important that he knew how close I came to failing that little girl. "She looks so much like her dad, you know?"
"She does," he agreed.
"I listened to my gut, though," I exhaled. "And my gut, it led me to do the right thing. Without second guessing myself... too much." I sniffed and looked up at him. "I'm pretty sure I was only able to do that because you taught me how."
He blinked, his face still calmly composed, but I was pretty sure that was pride that gleamed in his green eyes.
But I wasn't done. There was still something tugging, nagging at me, twisting around in my gut like a fiery serpent. I pulled back, looking up at him. "And a part of me," I went on. "One I don't really like to think too much about, was thinking about what it must be like for her. Loving someone who failed her so badly. Kids, they're so resilient, you know?" I sniffled. "And they'll always keep wanting to go back to the person that hurt them, at least when that person is their parent."
He was looking down at me, listening. His whole body was still and watchful, and I knew he was really understanding what I was saying.
I just didn't know if I understood it myself.
"Grace, she was probably happy to see her daddy like that. What an amazing surprise to have him suddenly show up after who knows how long?" My voice caught and Rett brushed my hair back away from my tears. "She's probably felt like her whole life has been on hold this whole time. Like... maybe she doesn't want to start anything new, she wants to keep everything just as it was when her dad left so that when he comes back nothing will have changed, and her mom will just fit right back into her life again. So it's impossible for her to finish anything and..."
"Dad," Rett said gently.
"Huh?"
"It was her dad that showed up today, Brynn. Not her mom."
"I didn't..." I stared up at him. "Did I say mom?"
He nodded.
"Fuck," I breathed, stepping back from him. "I think... I think I just figured a whole bunch of shit out." I stared at him. "How'd you do that?"
He shook his head minutely. "I didn't do anything."
"Yeah well," I let out a rueful chuckle. "I sure as hell wouldn't have figured it out if it weren't for you."
Rett made a low noise and pulled me away from the crowd. "That makes two of us."
"What?" I asked. "Why are you always so cryptic?"
He coughed and then chuckled. "I don't mean to be. Fine. You want me to say it, I'll say it." He grabbed my hands, circling his fingers around my wrists, binding them together and then kissing each of my knuckles in turn. "You said I helped you figure things out. Well I could say the same to you. Should say the same." He paused, pressing his lips to my fingers as my heart did somersaults in my chest. "You freed me, Brynn Reese. I've wanted to tell you that for the longest time, to thank you freeing me from this prison I'd built all by myself." He coughed again, looking away off in the middle distance for a moment, and I held my tongue. This was silence I didn't want to fill. "I love you," he choked.
"I love you too," I breathed.
"No." He shook his head. "I mean, yes, of course, I'm glad, but I wasn't telling you that I love you to make you say it back. I was saying it because you've made everything I ever hated about myself into something to celebrate." He kissed my hands again. "I would've never known how to do any of this without you. And I sure as shit want to keep doing it with you for as long as you'll let me." He coughed again. "Maybe forever."
I stiffened and then looked at him in shock. "Everett McCabe," I said sternly. "Did you just propose to me?"
His lips turned up into a wry grin. "Yeah, maybe a little." His eyes darkened a little as he brushed his lips across mine. "Don't worry baby, I'll make sure you get your sparkly ring and your romantic balloon ride over the falls." I snorted at that. "Or whatever it is you want. You just tell me. But I figured I should let you know what you're in for." He reached into his pocket and my heart quickened when he pulled out the piece of rope I knew he'd been saving for today's adventure. I stared as he wrapped it around and around my wrist until he finally tied it off into a crude bow. "There."
"Is this...?"
"It's not a ring," he pointed out. "But it's a promise anyway." He grinned. "You know we don't exactly do things normally, you and I."
I went up on my tiptoes to find his lips. He kissed me back with everything I gave him and then some, until finally I pulled away breathless to look him in the eye. "Fuck normal," I whispered to him.
His eyes darkened and he kissed me again.
THE END