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Despite Fin’s grumbling, the job with Ahura went great. We were able to distract and knock out the guards and driver and reroute a shipment of food and supplies, driving the stout, armored convoy truck to a neutral location outside of town. From there, we helped a few other people from the movement unpack the goods and load them into a vehicle that wouldn’t be so conspicuous. Then we were done. I didn’t ask what they planned on doing with the truck we’d stolen. I assumed it would be stripped of identifiers and scrapped out be used for other missions. Ahura and me caught a ride back to town with a traveling band of merchants from Golding, who were more than happy to pretend they’d never seen us.
Now, I sat in a booth at a mostly-clean table with Ahura, sipping a whiskey sour as we watched the crowd around us—mostly poor humans and working-class curs too tired from their day’s work to go around starting shit in a bar. It was...nice. Who knew I’d be able to feel so relaxed after a day of minor crime? Maybe Fin’s luck magic wasn’t so bad after all—it did seem to be working pretty smoothly today.
Ahura scooted closer to me in the booth, her own straight whiskey gripped in her slender fingers. “Don’t you love watching them?” she said, her smoky voice pitched low as she nodded toward the small corner area where a space had been cleared for “dancing.” Mostly it was just drunks swaying against each other to the terrible bluegrass rock that had become popular after the rift.
I snorted and took a sip of my drink. “Not really.”
She nudged me with her shoulder and smiled. “Oh, come on, kitty cat. Don’t be like that. I know you have feelings in there, somewhere.” Her expression turned wistful as she sat back and watched the other patrons. “It’s nice. Those rare moments when you enter a place and you realize no one is fighting, or judging, or looking for an excuse to start shit. Look at them. Sure, pretty soon someone will start something. But for right now, for just a few seconds, it looks like what the world should be.”
I turned to stare at her in shock. “That was...almost idealistic. Are you feeling okay? For a minute there you sounded almost like...Theo.” I infused the politician’s name with horror.
She smiled and sipped her drink, her eerie red eyes flashing. “His ideas aren’t so bad. Unlikely as hell, but not bad. I want peace as much as any smooshy human. Mostly just so I can fucking relax once in a while, you know?”
I did know. Even though I wasn’t a full fiend like Ahura, I still had to be constantly aware of my surroundings, always listening and watching, just in case. In case someone decided to assault me for being different. In case I did something that someone might misinterpret as threatening. In case a stronger monster than me decided I looked like a snack. There were threats on all sides. But at least I could legally be here. Ahura risked being captured or shot on sight if they knew what she really was. Full fiends were not welcome in human cities, except for very rare, very expensive exceptions.
I lifted my arm in invitation and Ahura’s smile grew sultry as she slid closer, leaning against my side as I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry Fin was being such an asshole yesterday,” I said on a sigh. “It’s shitty when even your own kind has prejudices.”
She ran a hand down my thigh, petting me like a...cat. “Please,” she said on a chuckle. “I’m not some weak human female. I’m used to being hated.”
I raised an eyebrow when her hand started to wander upward and inward. “You’re not even fucking fazed are you?” Had I hit my head sometime recently and not noticed? Here I was, trying to apply all Emerson’s lessons about emotions to someone who honestly didn’t seem to give a fuck.
She shrugged, tilting her head to give me a sly look, her pile of long braids sliding over her shoulder with the faint clacking of wooden beads. “Will it make you feel sorry for me if I get upset? Would you want to make me feel better?” She nipped at my neck. “I had fun in the cave. Maybe next time we could try a bed so that pretty ass of yours doesn’t get all scraped up.”
I huffed a laugh, letting her distraction work. I saw it for what it was though. Fin and all the rest of the world might insist that fiends didn’t feel things the way humans did. But I knew better. I knew a coping mechanism when I saw one. Fuck knew I was pretty skilled at using them myself. Right now, Ahura was hiding her frustration and insecurities under a careless, slutty shell.
But we all did what we had to do. I liked her, but I didn’t know her well enough yet to call her on her shit. Besides, sometimes we all just needed a pass to be as dysfunctional as we had to be to get by.
“Maybe,” I said in answer to her flirting. “But you might wake up dead if we went to my place. I’m pretty sure there’s an angry leprechaun and a pacing ogre waiting for me at home. They weren’t exactly thrilled about this job.”
She laughed and tilted her head in invitation. And...fuck it. I was a grown ass adult and way too wise to the world to pass up the offer. I ducked my head and kissed her, pausing to suck on her full lower lip, reveling in the softness in my arms. Ahura was a bad ass—and a fiend—so she could definitely kick my ass from here to hell and back again. But she was still a woman—soft and plump, and so different from my guys. A bit of magic sparked between us, something of her fiend nature reacting to my touch.
I pulled back with a groan. “That was probably a terrible idea.”
She just laughed and picked up her drink. “Absolutely. Let’s do it again as often as possibly kitty cat.” She set her drink down, but kept her fingers wrapped around the glass, tapping her forefinger against the smooth surface...fidgeting.
I was pretty sure Ahura in a contemplative mood was a dangerous thing. But before I could derail her from whatever terrible thing she was thinking, she spoke, her red eyes still fixed on her drink. “I don’t really do...permanent,” she said, her voice so soft I could barely hear her over the bar crowd and the terrible music. “I move around. I don’t stay in one place for too long, so people won’t think to start asking questions. So they can’t find me if someone suspects I’m...illegal.”
I grabbed her wrist to get her to stop fiddling with her drink and look at me. Ahura was never hesitant about saying whatever the hell she wanted to say—whether anyone wanted to hear it or not. This was just weird. She met my eyes and gave me a wry smile. “I can’t change that. I’ll always be a roamer. But...maybe I can be nicer to your leprechaun.” She chuckled. “I think the ogre is fine with a woman around. I don’t know what kind of arrangement you guys have, but I’m pretty openminded.”
I stared at her in shock, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips. It was so stupid. But it was cute. Ahura—the snarky, distant, efficient killer—was trying to say she wanted to be part of my life. In whatever way that would work.
I let go of her wrist, reaching for my own drink. Hell, I had a hard enough time navigating the whole relationship thing with my two guys, let alone adding a third person into the mix. All my old fears and insecurities rushed in to nip at my heels. Things had been going too well for me. There was no way Fin and Em were going to stick around. And the thought of another person liking me? Laughable. What was in it for Ahura? She was so beautiful and strong. Why would she want a defective half-man, half-woman, half-monster like me?
I closed my eyes. I might be stubborn. And a bit slow. But my time with Fin and Emerson was changing me. It had never been more evident than right at that moment—when I pushed all those worries aside and called them bullshit.
I shrugged at Ahura. “I don’t really know why you’d want to put up with me. Or those other idiots. But...I wouldn’t mind. I’d...like to see where this goes.” That was one of the hardest things I’d ever said.
Ahura seemed to get it. She didn’t press for more. Didn’t continue with the innuendos and the snark. She just went back to people watching. “Don’t get all emotional on me, kitty cat,” she purred, standing to go get us another round. “It’ll all work out however it’s meant to.”
Then she sauntered away, leaving me feeling completely confused and...happy? Yeah. I was happy about this. It was just that I still hadn’t gotten past the instinct that warned me that happiness didn’t last. It whispered that if something good happened to me...then something fucked up was sure to follow.