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I opened my underwear drawer and stuffed a handful of boxers and sports bras into my duffel bag. Emerson watched me from the doorway with mournful brown eyes. “Sam, I know you’re hurting, but are you sure this is really what you want to do?”
Fin snorted. He was sitting on the end of the bed, glaring at me. “Of course it’s what he wants to do. I don’t think he knows how to do anything but run away, do you, Sabertooth?”
I ignored him them both.
“You’ve both got keys, and the wards are set to let you in. Rent’s paid for three months. You might as well use the place, get out of the slums.” I zipped the duffel bag closed and slung the strap over my shoulder, turning to leave.
Emerson blocked the door. “Sweetheart, it’s okay to feel.” He stepped forward to reach for me and I growled, ducking under his arm and darting around him to get out the damned door.
“We’re not doing this,” I tossed over my shoulder. “It’s been fun. Enjoy your new house.”
My chest ached as I forced myself to take long strides toward the apartment door.
“Fuck you, Sam,” Fin called after me.
I stopped, but didn’t turn around. I couldn’t bear to see the hurt on his face. Yeah. Fuck me. I really was a monster. But then, I’d never pretended to be anything else. “Take care of each other. I’ll see you around.”
I flinched aside and the TV remote went smashing into the door by my face. A throw pillow bounced off my back, followed in rapid succession by everything that had been sitting on the end table in the living room. I did look back then, finding Fin red-faced and panting, his bright green eyes full of murderous rage. “Don’t you fucking do this!” he spat. “You fucking coward!”
I bared my teeth at him. “That’s me.”
Emerson bent to put a hand on Fin’s shoulder. “Fin, don’t.” His eyes met mine and I was gutted. There were actual fucking tears shimmering in the soft, red-brown orbs. “You’re both just hurting. Sam, let’s talk about this, okay?”
I shrugged. “There’s nothing to talk about, Em. I’ve got a job to do. Someone has to make sure the fuckers who killed Ahura pay for what they did.” There was also the way Theo’s being a fiend in a very public position made some instinct inside me suddenly desperate to make sure what happened to Ahura didn’t happen to him. But I couldn’t say that out loud. They wouldn’t understand. Or they would...and then I’d have to face that too, along with the blackness that was churning in my gut like shards of glass.
I turned back toward the door. “You both know it’s not about you,” I said, getting angry when my voice decided to crack and wobble. I squared my shoulders and reached for the door handle. “I’m just a broken mongrel. I’m sorry you got involved with an asshole. Stay here. Leave the guild. Get normal jobs. And stay the fuck out of trouble.”
Then I twisted the knob and yanked the door open, slipping out and slamming it behind me before I could give in to the stupid urge to turn around and beg them to forgive me. “Stupid,” I muttered as I clattered down the metal stairs to the garage. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Sure, it was comfortable here, with them. But it couldn’t last. And I had more important things to do. Like get revenge. Like help Theo to fucking destroy this damned city and everything it stood for.
I didn’t have time for useless things like feelings.
I tossed my duffel bag through the open window of the Jeep, then crossed the garage to gather up the cases and a second duffel that held the weapons I used the most often. I refused to glance upward toward the stairs. It wasn’t like I’d never see the morons again. I’d have to come back to get stuff again at some point. But maybe it’d be better for everyone involved if they did just get fed up with my shit and leave.
They’d be safer without me, now that I had a title and was about to paint a target on my back. They’d sure as fuck be happier without my emotionally constipated presence in their lives. My hands shook as I slipped behind the wheel and pulled out of the garage. I took in a long, deep breath. I was a hunter. Not a fucking weak, squishy human. I got out and yanked the garage door closed, then slipped back behind the wheel, not looking back as I sped away.
I was a fucking mess. I needed a purpose. And now I had one. Avenge Ahura and protect the fiend ruler of Westhold. Nothing else mattered.