They all think I’ve got it nailed down, that it’s so effortless and I just glide from place to place like I’m on castors – from home to school to job and all the extra-curricular stuff we are expected to do to bulk out a CV with nothing else on it – but they don’t know the truth. They can’t imagine what I’ve been going through. The pressure has been building up for so long now but soon everything will come crashing down and I know it’s going to take me with it.
Until then I have to keep on pretending. I get to choose which role I’m going to play, but it always depends on the audience. Play the part, love, play the part, and hope that none of them ever really works you out. You’ve secrets none of them would believe.
You’re disgusting.
You’ve known that for a while, but you don’t care so much any more. Not now you know the truth about them.
Only He gets me. He can see right through me like I’m made of glass.
I can’t tell him, though. He would know straight away that I’m not going to take this, because it feels like I have nothing left to lose.
God, I feel so empty. There is nothing left now.
I’m just a walking shadow.