So that when he came at last to this one [death], he could offer the goddess a smooth and steady partnering... humbling parallels involving the training of mules offered themselves to his mind.
—Lois McMaster Bujold, The Curse of Chalion
Everyone who gets involved with the Powers has a story. While I am sure my own experience is not universal, it is the one for which I have the most data. Fortunately I still have the notes describing our early experiments.
After the soul retrieval described in chapter 15, I began focused work with Heide, seen by some as a witchy aspect of the goddess Freyja and by others as a separate Power. Since she usually presents as a mature woman and in my own meditations identified herself with the primal seeress of the Völuspá, I thought that we had enough in common for me to carry her not only comfortably, but credibly.
Although the soul retrieval had broken down my initial resistance, I had a lot of anxiety about opening up to possession. I thought I might feel safe enough to let go if, drawing on the analysis of soul parts described in chapter 3, I put each part of myself under the protection of a deity. This is certainly not the only way to open up, but for someone who is being held back by anxiety it can be helpful. I worked this list into the induction at the end of this chapter, aiming for a connection with Heide.
Taped and tried out complete induction sequence, allowing about a minute for each stage. Physical relaxation fairly easy; releasing hamr interesting = feeling of lightness, possibly what I actually released was my shielding; mind-blanking fairly easy; release of önd produced strong sense of tingling in the crown chakra and a kind of disorientation which may relate to Raudhildr's comment on sensations associated with spinning around; at this point things became somewhat confused, difficulty with precise visualization/identification. There was an intermittent sensation that the locus of consciousness had shifted to slightly above and to one side of the back of the head. Something happened, but I'm not sure precisely what or who. Impression is that the aspect I got was more Gullveig than Heide, almost a Lilith personality, sensual and amused rather than grim and hag-like. Next steps, internal journeying to learn more, devise better procedure to close up again—reverse of induction.
My friend Raudhildr and I practiced in this way for several weeks, did a dry run, and then a ritual to bring Heide through for the kindred.
I'm glad I had practiced and meditated beforehand. It was still a less complete change than I would have liked, much less total possession, but at the very least I was able to escape my inhibitions and let the power of the goddess flow through. In seidh trance, I lose awareness of my body to the point where limbs sometimes go to sleep, and retain control of my face and lips only. I float in darkness until someone asks a question, when the visions form. This, time, however, I felt more energetic than usual, leaned forward, gestured, moved around in the chair. I/we felt quite capable of getting up and dancing. The responses tended to pick up on some metaphor in the question, or find one from Norse myth, and use it to give an answer.
The content was delivered in a style which my characters use in my books sometimes, but which I would not feel comfortable using in my own person. We took questions from about eight people; when I became aware that all the talking was getting to the throat I/She finally gave in and got out, which was relatively easy and painless, except that I immediately began coughing furiously. It wasn't like being talked out of trance, where the need is to regain control of the body. It was more like being asked to leave a party where I was having a good time. Whether or not this was possession, it was certainly a step forward for me. I felt, basically, as if I were fully conscious and in control—but the Self in control was not the usual me.
During the year that followed, a small group from the kindred met every month or so to work on inducing and managing trance. Many of the sessions involved calling Odin into Niklas. The following is a good example.
Odin seemed to have too much energy to sit quietly, nor was he completely in synch with Niklas's body. When seated, he tried to fold his legs cross-legged, which was not really practical in the chair. There were frequent spasmodic leg movements, and in fact the effect was very much like watching someone riding a lively and restive horse. Some of the jerking may have been Niklas trying to regain some control. We attempted to stabilize by gripping his knees, stroking leg or hands, sending reassurance through the body, and also helping Odin to keep his balance. He wandered about a lot, sometimes steadily, sometimes not. We supported him or scurried ahead moving chairs or cushions out of the way.
Several times, Odin rose on his toes so that he literally seemed to grow taller—was this an attempt to expand the human body to contain a being of larger size? (Reminds me of the moment when Demeter reveals herself in the Homeric Hymn, expanding so that her head brushes the lintel and causing everyone to go pea-green with fear! Apparently the gods are around 7′ tall). Niklas is actually a tall man, but his body was not quite big enough for the god. Odin's expression is quite different from Niklas's, somehow sterner, sharper, hard to describe because my eyes unfocus when I look directly into His, and in the darkness of the eye patch I see stars. His posture is very erect, His body language is commanding, His grip extremely powerful. The impression is definitely of being in the presence of a vivid and powerful personality. There is an atmosphere of danger, but it is exhilarating.
After a year of practice both our mediums and our community had gained experience. We noted that the time and complexity of preparation needed for a medium (even me) to get into trance grew shorter as support and energy from the team increased.
I need a few minutes to work myself through each stage of release (this may get speedier with practice). Awareness of approaching deity precedes union. Allow time to say hi before jumping into bed. This is facilitated if others maintain chant or repeated god-name. Internally and externally perceptible symptoms of possession include quickened breathing, not panting, but slightly accelerated, deeper breaths; Tourette's-like nodding and shaking of the head, which may be followed by hand movements; sense of pressure first at back of head, extending over crown; dilated eyes. A period of shared consciousness in which an internal dialogue is going on may be succeeded by a state in which self and Other are unified into a conscious joint identity which is perceived as being different from my normal personality.
In January 1993 I was invited to attend a bembé at the American Magic Umbanda House:
P went off instantly when Exu was called, and maintained possession through the entire event as gatekeeper. Most of the orixas [orishas] the group works with have a “child” who acts as senior medium, maintaining trance for a longer period, but all of them are horsed by several people simultaneously. Most of the regulars horse more than one deity, some of them seemed to do most. Those who do more than four in one session are called “trance sluts.” The ability to do this safely is considered a result of experience.
I was prepared for Iansa or Iemanja; however, this is not what happened—perhaps the gods' way of convincing me it was not wish fulfillment. B got Ogum, and then, as expected from his previous experience, Oxossi. When Oxossi came by and spun me around, I did too. What was happening was confirmed and intensified by the reaction of the other people giving me implements of the god etc. I think this sense of being supported and protected allows the trance to deepen.
My perception of the personality involved was that of a very old Indian woman. For a time I/we squatted on the floor, moved around that way, blessing the floor/earth and people's feet with the feathers. Eventually We got up, did some Indian style dancing, took an ear of corn and went around blessing people with it. At the end of the Oxossi songs, they doused me with water to bring me out.
When we got to Oxum, I was minding my own business, enjoying the energy, when I felt the solar plexus rush, and we were off again. This state was characterized by wild laughter and a compulsion to dance, using some belly dance movements. Oxum immediately got rid of my hair clip. The main hazard here is getting fed honey, which gets all over one's face and in the hair. This one did not surprise me so much, as I have worked with Freyja, who is a very good match for Oxum ...
B did a brief Gedé, then Obatala was invoked, and he went off fast and deep, and was seated with a horsehair whisk and a cloth over his head. I was standing, holding onto his chair, and presently started the head jerkings I have come to associate with onset of the Norse deities. Eventually, though my posture was erect and I wasn't falling over, this became pronounced enough so that someone noticed and gave me a chair, a veil, and a cup to hold. Eventually I got up and moved around, blessing people.
Afterward I was tired and very hungry. Ate a plateful at the bembé, and a lot more that evening. A little spacey still, with a tendency to head twitches whenever I think about it too much. The bembé is a very supportive environment. Once I convinced myself that it was okay with the house for me to do this, that in fact they wanted me to, it was much easier than when I work alone.
In the months that followed, almost every time I attended a bembé I would go into trance for a new Power. I felt as if I was on display in a spiritual supermarket where the Powers were shopping. With all this practice, getting in and out of trance became steadily smoother. Instead of going through the lengthy release-and-protection induction, I simply released personal awareness with my breath, relaxed, and let myself be filled by the image of the Power or the song. Putting on a veil or being given a tool belonging to the Power “seated” the change. Being in a warded environment with people who knew how to handle possessory trance supplied the necessary security. The cues were provided by the ritual.
I was still, however, unable to go into trance for Odin. When I took my dog for his last walk of the evening I would meditate on this problem. My notes from one of these evenings illustrate the difficulty:
After folk magic class we watched the last scene of Rheingold as an example of a storm summoning spell. While watching Wotan, I noticed the usual head twitchings of trance coming on and Odin started talking in my head. The conversation continued, with comments on the action in the opera and discussion of my book, while I was getting everyone out of the house and walking the dog. By this time it was clear the god really wanted to come in. Walking, it actually felt as if I were a horse being ridden by someone with good, steadying hands, as when I used to imagine being both horse and rider as a child.
A few months later, Freya Aswynn came to visit and we made the masks described in chapter 14. Throughout that year, members of my kindred explored different ways of working with the Norse gods, and I regularly attended the AMUH bembés. The following year, Freya came to visit once more. We set up a small devotional ritual for Odin, talking about the work we had been doing and singing His songs.
At one point I got up and began to dance around, beating the drum as I sang. I felt the energy rising, and suddenly a Voice in my head that said, “Finally, I've got her to move!” At that moment, Odin came in fully with a great shout of laughter, and I was gone.
Since then, my relationship with Odin has extended and deepened. Although He requires exclusivity from some of His devotees, He has encouraged me to work with a variety of other Powers. During the months that followed I found myself picking up all the female Powers with whom He is linked—Freyja, Skadhi, Gunnlodh, and eventually Frigg Herself, however He also encouraged my contact with other pantheons, perhaps to make it easier for Him to communicate with them.
After I had been working with the AMUH for a year, my primary deity in the house was identified as Nana Buruku, the “grandmother of the gods.” Like Heide and Hecate, with whom I have also worked, Nana Buruku is old and wise, an easy ride. These are my notes on an early experience with Her:
I have been horsing Nana regularly since July. The first time I was sitting on the couch, not expecting anything, and suddenly went out like falling down a long blue well. Eventually someone threw a veil over me and I sat there trying to figure out what was going on.
Since then, she has come regularly, and the house now expects it. I begin to go almost as soon as the chant starts—walk a few steps forward and then stand swaying until someone gets me into a chair. The aspect that seems to come through me is a rather jolly old lady, very grandmotherly. She seems quite delighted to be honored—says nobody ever pays attention to old ladies. She sometimes hops and jiggles a little to the drumbeat. She likes to have a plate of cookies handy to share. Sometimes stays through the songs for Aganju and Xango, who she really likes and calls “a good boy.”
At the retreat this weekend, the house tried out the consultation ceremony, in which the orixas are invoked and seated and consult instead of partying. I felt tired and a little wonky beforehand, as usual, wondering if it was going to work, but went out almost immediately and was seated. Once this had happened, however, I/She felt quite alert, and interested in what was going on. She got several visitors, which I remember only vaguely, and had a long time to sit and think. What came through in these ruminations was concern and outrage at the idea of old women in old folks' homes, and then a deepening meditation on primal earth, with insights about fossils, and a desire to tell folktales. When we got to the fossil level Mama thought she'd better pull me out before things became too pre-human. Afterward I felt very energetic.
As I did more work with the Powers, I found that although I usually had only the most vague memories of the Power's interaction with other people, I could often remember conversations that the Power and I had been having in my head at the same time. One exception was that although I might not retain what a Power said to one of His other devotees, to share in the rush of love the Power felt for His child colored my later perceptions of that person, no matter how annoying he or she might sometimes be.
As it became clear that Nana was going to be one of my “regulars,” I began scouring the Internet and the libraries for information. An affinity based on similarity became even clearer:
As I read more about Nana, especially the Ayizan aspect—if they are the same—I begin to understand better why she is coming to me. [In Haiti, Nana does not possess, and some consider Ayizan Her manifestation in the physical world.] The priestess aspect is in fact what I am doing with my life, and the Mother of Memory relates to the resurrection of old myths and storytelling. The other Orixas also perform these functions, but Nana is the one who does it as an older woman, a role which I am trying to prepare for. I would like to be the Völva when I grow up.
By the spring of 1995, the mother of the house had begun to suggest that it was time for a head washing. The problem was that one ought to be initiated to one's head deity first, and it was clear that my primary Power was Odin. My connection to Him had developed so gradually that a formal dedication had never seemed necessary. The best solution I could think of was to call Odin in for a talk with Mama and let them fight it out.
I am told that He came through in His finest and most charming form. One friend reported that my aura flared with a surge of blue-white light when He arrived. She also said it was really disturbing to see my body with a personality that wasn't me. In the discussion that followed, Odin told Mama that He didn't need a ceremony, but that for me to feel right I should get a valknut tattoo. After that, I could go on with other initiations. I got the tattoo the following April, accompanied by runic chanting by Kveldulf Gundarsson and Freya Aswynn, and in October had my head washing for Nana.
Since then, I have developed a relationship with several other Powers in the African pantheon, as well as with several deities from other traditions. With a little time to research and prepare, I am able to enter a medium-level trance for almost any deity that someone needs to talk to. While doing research for an article about Kuan Yin, I discovered that She is one of the more aggressive and active Powers around. When I opened the door, She grabbed me, and I have been working with Her ever since—especially to do healing.
My process has also become much more streamlined. Although I only go for a deep trance in a community situation where I can depend on experienced support, to direct some energy from a Power for a specific purpose, I sometimes use a modified induction as follows:
Do I achieve “full possession”? The depth of trance can vary, even within a ritual. Certainly it is more rewarding for me when I can remember what things look like from the perspective of Odin or Kuan Yin. A more relevant question is whether what I am doing is useful. The deepest states are called forth by the greatest need—not mine, but the need of the Power to communicate, and the need of the community to hear.
Reread the section on soul parts in chapter 2. Drawing on the mythology and culture of the Power you are working with, identify guardians and (if possible) culturally appropriate names for
Review the work you did in part one and chapter 6 to create an induction that will meet your needs.
While you are doing this, develop awareness of each part through practices such as the following:
If you are using this induction to lead someone besidses yourself, change all instances of “my” and “I” to “your” and “you.”
On the tape, allow up to five minutes to experience the connection with the Power. Ask that you be allowed to remember whatever information is conveyed to you. If you are doing this with a guide, that person can ask questions and note the answers.
When you are done, reverse the process to return to ordinary consciousness.
Drink some water or taste some salt if you are still a little spacey. Then write down what you remember.