TIMELESS BEAUTY

“Resting bitch face.” This term has been floating around a lot the past few years, making its way into a slew of selfies, memes, and pop-culture articles. But it’s nothing new. The art of looking like a handsome bitch, dick, or asshole has been around since the beginning of time. Why? Because there’s a certain level of respect, mystery, and intrigue that comes from appearing seductive yet absolutely terrifying. For centuries, women have used RBF to lure kings from their thrones, and those kings, in turn, have used RBF to intimidate and conquer rival lands; the history of RBF is firmly rooted in honor, attraction, and self-respect.

And throughout history, self-respect has always been closely related to smiling (or the lack thereof). Aside from the obscenely long exposure times required for old photography to work properly, you don’t often see people smiling in old photos or paintings, as it was considered foolish to pose with a smile on your face. Because, well, it was probably fake. To smile for a portrait was not an accurate depiction of emotion. You were smiling just to smile, not because you were genuinely happy. You know, like when you fake a smile for your boss to conceal your complete mental breakdown.

In fact, it was Mark Twain (you know the name) who said, “A photograph is a most important document, and there is nothing more damning to go down to posterity than a silly, foolish smile caught and fixed forever.” In my opinion, no truer words have ever been spoken.

Except maybe the infamous TLC line, “Don’t go chasing waterfalls.” Which, oddly enough, is also a statement concerning self-respect. Huh, weird.

Now, the next time someone asks you why you don’t smile in photos, you have some history to school them and validation to support your decision. Tell them you’re doing it for your posterity.