NACHO DADDY

Maybe your current girlfriend gave you the kick in the ass you needed to pursue a new job, maybe she provided you with the tough love you needed to stop being such a piece of shit, or maybe she’s just really good at building up your manhood and making you believe your dick is bigger than it is—ultimately leading to a better sex life. My point: A lot of good things in life wouldn’t happen without men receiving the proper motivation (or inspiration) from their girlfriends, wives, and other women in their lives. And here’s fucking proof.

The year was 1943, and a young maître d’ named Ignacio Anaya had no idea he was about to change history when a group of hungry, demanding Texan military wives from Fort Duncan entered his restaurant in Piedras Negras, Mexico. What exactly happened? Well, on that particular day at the Victory Club, the chef was nowhere to be found. So Ignacio, immediately recognizing how fucking dangerous a group of hungry women could be, knew that only he could prevent impending disaster. Not being one to shy away from a challenge, he stepped up to the plate.

He went into the back kitchen, found some tortilla chips, grabbed some cheese, sliced some jalapeños, stacked everything together, threw it in an oven, and—just like that—he became the father of nachos. Yep, it was that easy. Why the name “nachos”? Equally as easy: “Nacho” was Ignacio’s nickname. (But after all this, I like to think women began calling him “Nacho Daddy.” Something like, “Yeah . . . yeah . . . put your cheese right there, Nacho Daddy.”)

I, for one, could not be more grateful for what these women inspired Ignacio to accomplish on that day, because I’ve never seen a nacho plate I didn’t want to impregnate. Anyway, word of his creation eventually snuck across the border to Texas, where it quickly became a baseball-stadium staple (you see, immigration is a good thing). Now, who knows? Had it not been for those hungry women, mankind may have never invented nachos. We’d all be eating celery like a bunch of fucking idiots.

So, ladies, the next time you’re hungry and giving your boyfriend attitude, let him know you’re just trying to motivate him to actually do something with his fucking life—like Ignacio did when he fathered nachos.