THE PIRATE QUEEN

Traveling, drinking, fighting, and prostitution—just another day in the life of the infamous Chinese pirate Captain Cheng I. (Let’s not get into the differences of Cantonese and other Chinese dialects; I’m dramatically simplifying these names down for you.)

You see, Cheng commanded one of the largest documented pirate fleets in history, ransacking much of the South China Sea he called home. But even Cheng wanted more from life, so in 1801 he married a prostitute who went by the name Cheng I Sao. Basically, “wife of Cheng.” She was not only fucking gorgeous, but she was also equally as good at handling a sword as she was at handling a dick. Oh, and she was EXTREMELY business savvy. Together, the husband-and-wife team pillaged and plundered for six years, expanding their joint empire until 1807, the year Captain Cheng died.

Was this the end of their pirate dynasty? Nope, it was only the beginning. Cheng I Sao assumed the leadership role and picked up right where her husband had left off. Only now, she was going by the name Ching Shih because she was no longer somebody’s wife.

Ching Shih continued to build her empire with brute force and sharp wit. She also played dudes like the dumbasses they are when around an attractive woman. (You know, like smart bartenders and servers do.) And within a few years, Ching Shih became the most powerful pirate in history—controlling more than 1,500 ships and a crew of eighty thousand men.

She was like Beyoncé, but with street cred and more boats. In fact, she was so smart and so powerful that the Chinese government eventually gave up trying to defeat her. In 1810, the government offered her complete amnesty if she would simply retire. So she did. As part of the deal, she was allowed to keep all her money, all her fame, and all her power. (Remember what I said earlier about her savvy business sense?)

After retiring, Madame Ching opened a gambling house and just chilled until 1844, dying at the age of sixty-nine as a grandmother and certified badass.

Anyway, remember this story the next time a guy tells you, “It’s a man’s world.”