After the past month or two Asia and I had, I barely wanted to get up. Reality had sunk in that not only was my best friend gone, but my ex was too. I couldn’t figure out where I had gone wrong as a friend or even husband, because despite my outside kids, Latoya lived a decent life.

I looked down at Asia sleeping, still thinking about that fire ass head she gave me the night before. It was so good, if she stopped there, I would have been just as satisfied, but then she put the pussy on me. After twenty-two years, I could honestly say it was even better.

I was still uncomfortable knowing she knew about my past, but she did everything possible to make life normal for us. Did I think it defined me? Hell no, but it did make me wonder if she ever felt I wasn’t man enough for her anymore.

For years, as a little boy, I questioned if I were gay. Not because I had ever been attracted to a man, but because a man somehow was attracted to me. He had to be, sticking his dick in a little boy’s mouth. I was so embarrassed, afraid to tell anyone until the abuse increased, and to be quite honest, the only reason Caesar knew was because he listened to Mama Sharon comforting me one night.

“Come here, Ezekiel. Come to me, baby,” Mama Sharon said, scooping me up off the porch. I had been sleeping there all night in the rain, balled up crying.

“It happened again, huh?” she asked, staring at me with so much compassion in her eyes, I wished she could swallow me up in it and spit me out. Then, maybe I would have felt clean again.

“Yes,” I said lowly, shaking my head as she struggled to sit me down at the kitchen table. “Stay right here. Let me grab a towel and some of Cecil’s clothes.”

My eyes bucked with she said his name. I fell on the floor, crawling into the corner. Cecil was my friend, my best friend, but I didn’t even want to know what he would say if he knew. When she came back in, she called out for me. “Ezekiel! Ezekiel, baby? Where are you?” she asked, walking around until she bent down and saw me. “Oh no, baby. Come here.”

She cradled me on the floor and said, “You don’t have to talk about it you know, but if I am going to help, we may have to tell someone at some point.”

“No, no, pleasssse, no!” I cried out, thinking about one of my mother’s dealers. They were mean, so mean. Most times, they just knocked her around or took her in her room, making all kinds of noises. Then mama would come out smiling and high. They wouldn’t even speak to me, walking past me like I was invisible until I had to do something to them for her. I never knew how valuable being invisible was until I wasn’t.

“Shhhhh, okay. I won’t, baby. Let me get you dry.”

As soon as she stood up, I felt anger. I felt weak, but anger bellowed in my gut as the cold floor woke something up in me. I was tired of being weak and angry. “I’m gone kill them!” I growled. “I’m gone kill them all.”

She looked at me with horror in her eyes, unsure how to take that reaction from me. I balled my fist up and shouted, “The next time any of those motherfuckers stick their dicks in my mouth, I’m fucking them up! I’m killing them!” By that time, mama’s health and looks took a turn for the worse. She was no longer the vibrant beauty she once was, often sought out by many men when she snagged the neighborhood pretty boy, my daddy, Ezekiel Sr.

“Now, baby. You don’t mean that,” she said, approaching me slowly.

I hopped up, my arms straight and tight on each side. I wanted to kill them now. “Move, Ms. Sharon… please,” I hissed, ready to go find that bitch nigga that stuck his pissy dick in my mouth. I felt queasy, wanting to throw up. I swallowed hard, ready to charge her if she didn’t get out of my way. Then I heard Caesar say, “Zeke, we gone kill him. Mama, move.”

There stood my best friend, my eight-year-old best friend, prepared to kill the same men that violated me. From that day on, I knew I was my brother’s keeper and he was mine. Well, he was until he wasn’t.

“Asia, I’m not gay,” I whispered, even though I knew she was sleeping.

“I know,” she spoke lowly, catching me off guard.

I held on to her for dear life, hoping she would never let me go. “All the women—”

“I know why, too,” she said, stopping me. “It took me some time, but I finally connected the dots. I should have said something,” she admitted, tightly squeezing her arm around my body.

“No, baby. The shit had already happened. I get it, you felt the need to protect me,” I countered. “Him even using that against me when I was a damn kid was a straight bitch move. I was hurting, thinking all of these years he loved me like I loved him when he really despised me. How could my brother whom I loved more than myself do me like this, Asia?”

“Pain,” she whispered. “Pain. No matter how much you went through, you were still standing. He hid behind your pain, hoping he could be better than you preventing you from having me.”

It was true. I didn’t know early on, but as we got older, it was clear I was the one everyone favored the most. I was smoother, smarter, faster and hungrier, but blind. All I wanted was to beat the odds, taking my best friend along for the ride. It wasn’t until Asia came along that he started to draw the invisible line that began to separate us.

“Am I worth it?” I asked her, feeling all these fucked up feelings inside. She was free from Caesar. She didn’t have to be with me or my kids. I knew this, sometimes not coming home until late with hopes of pushing her away.

“Don’t you ever ask me no shit like that,” she said through gritted teeth, sitting all the way up. I felt that, but watching her breast lightly bouncing distracted me just a little. Asia was one bad bitch. Gosh, I loved her. “Why would you even ask me that after more than twenty-years of me denying myself, Zeke?”

“Baby, calm down,” I said, sitting up and pulling her over my lap. “I’m not gay, but I can’t help feeling like you’re settling. I’m fucked up,” I declared once again, needing her to reaffirm me.

“No, you’re not. You’re a man, a strong black man, Zeke,” she said and sighed, her anger subsiding just a little. “But if we are going to do this, we’ve got to deal with this head-on. Counseling maybe, or hell, just telling your story. But no more of this ‘I’m not gay talk’. It wasn’t your fault, okay?”

I shook my head no really quick. “Ain’t noone to tell except you, Asia. I’m good. You’re my safe place, okay? Just you. That’s all I need.” Looking over at the clock, I saw the kids were due to get out of school soon, except for Malik. He stayed late for basketball practice. We had a schedule, alternating days of who would pick them up.

Most days it was her, as I was still campaigning. The election was within a week and I was still up in the polls. There were a few contenders, but once Caesar was out the race, Mayor Gordon assured me the others were just ballot fillers.

“Nope,” she said, smiling as she slid off of me and stood up. Asia’s pretty, bald pussy had me wanting to pump thirteen more kids in her ass. Her flawless, caramel skin, even on her stomach, glowed. She was making young girls bow down to her body, not looking a day over twenty-five. “Let’s shower and get the kids together today. And Zeke?”

“Yes, Asia,” I said and smiled. That woman thought she ran me, but guess what? She did.

“I want us to adopt them, even Malik,” she said with a straight face. “We can’t change the lies that were told, but we can fix the problems they caused. Well, some of them. So tonight, let’s talk about it with Malik and CeeCee. I think they would like that.”

Damn, I loved that woman. She was so selfless, wanting to add more baggage to her life, even though her years of raising kids were over. I adored CeeCee, being the first man to see and hold her, so having her approval meant the world to me. Most days, I still couldn’t believe she was mine, but my heart swelled so big when that blood test confirmed it. I knew Asia wasn’t lying, but seeing it made it more real to me. And Malik, although I do feel Latoya loved him in her own way, needed a mother. Who better than the woman I’ve wanted since I was a kid?

“You sure?” I asked, not wanting her to feel pressured to fix my life. That was my job. I knew that having her around eased the sting of the bullshit, but if she walked, they were all my children.

“I really wasn’t asking, but yes, I’m sure,” she said, with a smirk on her face.”

“What else are you not asking about?” I asked, enjoying the little banter and energy she was throwing my way.

“You,” she said, poking me in my chest playfully. “You’re mine. I’ve been waiting most of my life to say that.”

“You got it, but know I’m still going to murder that pussy later on,” I said, slowly dragging my tongue over my teeth. I could still taste her in my mouth, humming as I licked my lips.

“Whatever, boy,” she said, waving me off as she turned on her heels as I followed. When she got to the bathroom door, she stopped and turned to face me. “I’m not Cecil, Zeke. I really am your best friend. I always was and will be.”

As we showered, I fucked her good and hard. If she wasn’t pregnant, I damn sure was trying. Little did I know that while I was having the time of my life, danger was once again lurking outside.