DISASTER! I went to the barber today and now I have the most ridiculous haircut EVER.
‘Give me the hairstyle of a noble Roman hero,’ I demanded as I sat down.
The idiot then clipped the top of my head totally bald, and brushed the hair from the back of my head forward.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked.
‘Giving you the hairstyle of a noble Roman hero,’ he said. ‘Julius Caesar, to be precise. He sweeps his hair forward to cover his baldness. He also wears a crown of laurel leaves to distract people. You should probably get one of those on your way home.’
‘I can’t walk around with leaves on my head,’ I said. ‘Everyone will tease me.’
‘No one teases Caesar.’
‘Of course no one teases Caesar. He’s Caesar. He could wear a curly wig and a dress and no one would tease him.’
‘Well, it’s too late now, Dorkius,’ said the barber. ‘You’ll have to be clearer next time.’
Like there’s going to be a next time. I’d rather grow my hair long like a stinky barbarian than go back to that loser.