Brandishing Anger

This is when the manipulator feigns intense anger to shock others into submission. Also called ‘Traumatic one-trial learning,’ the purpose of this brazen anger act is to avoid revealing the truth, avoid confrontation or to hide intent. The manipulator puts on this act to get what he wants. He frightens you with anger so as to make you sacrifice your desires and wants. Even if you are strong enough to resist his anger, he may switch to much lighter or joyful mood unexpectedly; this makes you so relieved you want to agree to the next request that is made.

Anger is his way of covertly training you to avoid confrontation and be subservient. You wouldn’t want to confront, contradict and upset him while he displays this feigned or exaggerated anger.

Saying Yes and Meaning No

A manipulative person gives assent to get you to back down during a disagreement with no intention of changing their point of view. In a normal relationship, a person will change his stance when they begin to see the other’s point. The opposite is the case in a manipulative relationship; they will agree with you but have no intention of yielding.

The Subtle Dirty Fighter

Manipulators cannot deal with things directly. They find it hard to express their emotions directly so they will put others in a position of telling you what they wouldn’t say themselves. As passive aggressors, they will talk behind your back and even if they were to tell you things directly, they will do so in subtle ways, taking from both sides of their mouth.

For instance, they will tell you sweetly that they will support you if you do go back to school. Then on the exam night while you are sitting studying at the table and their buddies show up for a poker game, the kids are upset, the TV is on full blast and the dog needs walking and they are sitting down doing nothing. The response you are likely to hear if you call “well, honey, you can’t really expect life to stop just because you have an exam, can you?"

Manipulators may talk behind your back, push others to confront you and then come in to support you while placing the blame on other people. Also, they make personal statements and pretend it someone else’s, for example, “everyone thinks you...”,"They said you...”. Deal with this last tactic by asking directly for the manipulator’s own opinion.