The (un)Willing Helper

Manipulators do not say no when asked to do something. In fact, they respond in the affirmative almost immediately but this is the problem: they proceed to carry out the action amidst some non- verbal signs such as heavy sighs, an annoyed facial expression or rolling eyes that says the exact opposite. When you do notice and point out that it seem they really do not want to do the task requested, they will turn around to vehemently deny it and then make you the problem as you are being ‘unreasonable’.

Feigning Confusion

Covert emotional manipulators pretend to be confused about important issues brought before them. They play dumb to indicate that do not know what the other person is talking about. So you become confused and may start to doubt your own accuracy of perception. In some cases, manipulators bring in cohorts to support their story.

False Guilt

Emotional manipulators are skilled at playing the guilt card. They know that people have very different consciences than they do so they use what they know to be their victim’s greater conscientiousness to keep them anxious, doubtful and submissive. They know how to make you feel guilty for your actions or inactions, for speaking up or not speaking up. “How could you think that of me??!” they will often ask. "You could never do...", "If you loved me..." etc. To a manipulator, anything is open to guilt or can be used as guilt. All a manipulator has to do is suggest to the conscientious person that they don't care enough, are too selfish, etc., and that person immediately starts to feel bad and will do whatever it takes to lessen the feelings of guilt.

What you can do is to minimize your exposure to such guilty statements. Ignore manipulative words and do not respond to them.

Shaming

Covert-aggressive manipulators use shaming to make others feel unworthy or inadequate. They use subtle sarcasm, rhetorical comments, a fierce look, an unpleasant tone of voice amongst others to increase fear in their victim, make them unsure of themselves and defer to them. This shame is associated with false condemnation made by the aggressor for the purpose of maintaining a position of dominance.