As quickly as he could. Robert led the horses inside the empty guard house, soothed them until they were still, then turned to Jenn. His voice low and quiet, he said, ‘Are you sure that’s what it is? Mindspeaking? It’s definitely not the chanting or anything else?’
She frowned in silence for a moment, then nodded, her gaze meeting his. ‘Yes. Definitely. These are phrases and sentences, questions and answers, and each of the voices speaking sounds a little different to the rest. Like they were having a conversation. And they sound so nearby. Are you sure you can’t hear them talking?’
Robert closed his eyes and concentrated. He could hear footsteps, people dismounting from their horses, bags being collected and placed on the ground – but no voices.
Serin’s breath! Who were these people?
Opening his eyes again, he murmured, ‘Can you understand what they’re saying?’
Jenn shook her head. ‘It sounds a bit like a different language – but there are a lot of words that I can recognise. Just let me listen for a minute and I’ll see if I can find out what they’re doing here.’
‘And whether they know we’re here.’
It was Jenn’s turn to close her eyes and Robert left her alone, keeping his Senses extended to warn him if their hideout was about to be discovered. The air inside the guard house grew close and hot as the sun drew towards the horizon. The horses were quiet now, but standing here too long would only encourage them to move. If they had to make an escape, the sooner they started the better.
Of course, leaving the shelter of the Palace to cross a flat plain in daylight would give them away immediately.
His attention was caught by Jenn’s sudden gasp. She turned to him, her eyes wild. ‘They know we’re here! They can … Sense us … no … you! They can Sense you, Robert!’
‘How?’
‘I don’t know. They keep saying something about darkness desecrating the chamber and … and the Enemy. Robert … ’ She fell silent for a moment, then grabbed his arm. ‘We have to get out of here. Now! They don’t know exactly where we are, but they’re searching for us. They sound so … ugly! Like they want to kill you. Please, we have to go!’
‘We can’t until it’s dark. Just a few more minutes. I can keep track of them and if they get too close, we can make a run for it. The Palace is a big place. If they can’t Sense where we are, then we have a good chance.’
His voice was filled with a confidence he didn’t really feel, but at least Jenn calmed a little. Once again, he extended his Senses, keeping track of which rooms and which buildings were being searched. It would take some time, with any luck, enough time for them to get clear before they were discovered.
That didn’t make the waiting any more bearable.
Nor did the questions. Where had these people come from – and how could they mindspeak? How could Jenn hear them – and if Jenn tried mindspeaking, would they hear her?
Until Jenn had come to the Enclave, they’d all believed mindspeaking was a lost art. But then she’d spoken to Robert and he in turn had learned how to speak back to her. Since then, she’d spoken to Finnlay, who could reply if the distance wasn’t too great – but nobody else could. Nobody.
He kept a close eye on the sunset, visible through the open doorway. Just a few minutes more and they could get away – though part of him still wished to stay and talk to these people. It seemed silly to just run.
But they had spoken of the Enemy, of darkness and a will to kill him. Would they really wait long enough for him to ask a few questions? And would their answers be anything he wanted to hear – or would this idea be like all the others, destined to end with failure?
No. The demon had had its feed this day. He would give it no more.
‘They’re called the Generet,’ Jenn whispered, standing close. ‘They’ve … travelled a long way … they’ve reached the library … no, wait … they’ve gone down to the prophecy room … I … I don’t think they knew where it was. They’re all gathered in there, looking around. They think that you … This would be a good time to … ’
‘Get moving.’ Robert grunted. Of course, why shouldn’t a people who had never met him blame him for it? Why not? ‘Yes, I agree. I can’t Sense any of them around at the moment. Let’s go.’
*
The moon had long since gone by the time they reached the escarpment and the cold of night bit deep into Jenn’s bones. Robert seemed to have no trouble finding the path to the top of the ridge, but he did so in silence.
Some animal howled across the plain; another responded in kind. Every now and then, Jenn would see a glow of red eyes in the night, hear the pattering of feet across hard dirt. She kept close to Robert, but he either didn’t see them, or didn’t care. But, animals or not, she preferred these noises to the close whispering of the Generet; a sound which had slipped under her skin too quickly, had breathed dry and dusty desert right into her soul.
For hours they rode side by side, skirting a ridge before dropping back into the valley. Only then did Robert finally come to a halt. Still without a word, he jumped down from his horse, kicked a few stray sticks together and, with a flick of his hand, forced them into flames.
If she hadn’t known any better, she would have thought it a gesture of fury.
Carefully she dismounted, tying her horse to the nearest scraggly tree. ‘Hungry?’
‘No. Get your blankets out and get some rest. We only have time for a few hours’ sleep before dawn. I’ll keep watch.’
‘Robert?’
‘What?’
Jenn turned, her blanket across her arms, held there, she knew, just as much as a shield as for warmth. ‘Just because we couldn’t read the prophecy, doesn’t mean the ending the Key gave you has to be right.’
‘No? Then why else would it be considered dangerous enough for the Guilde to destroy?’
‘But the people at Felkri might have the right prophecy. If Patric can … ’
Robert simply shook his head. ‘Just leave it alone and get some sleep. We have two days to reach the coast if we’re to get the next ship back.’ He tied his horse up, pulled his sword from the saddle and sat with his back to a tree. When she didn’t move immediately, he folded his arms and rested his head back. ‘Please, Jenn, just do as I ask. Don’t worry. By morning, I’ll be my usual arrogant, pigheaded, glib self. You’ll never know the difference.’
With that, he closed his eyes, shutting her out. She stifled a sigh and unfurled her bedroll beside the fire. She lay down but watched him nonetheless. He hadn’t exaggerated. By morning, nobody would ever be able to tell he’d just suffered an enormous disappointment, made all the more sharp because he’d allowed himself to hope – for however brief a moment – that he would actually find an answer, a solution to whatever it was that was eating away inside him.
He wouldn’t talk about it. He never had. Instead, he would force the disappointment, the anger and frustration deep down inside, fuelling the very thing he was afraid of. He would call himself a fool for having believed that he might be able to change his destiny. He would hate himself for failing. Again. That’s what he would do. That’s what he had always done, because he couldn’t let anyone else take the burden from him, wouldn’t inflict the knowledge on anyone else. Wouldn’t let another understand his curse.
Even though he needed to so badly.
Jenn rolled over and huddled under her blankets against the cold.
At the rate Robert was going, if the Angel of Darkness didn’t kill him, the demon certainly would.
*
The future, like the past, beckoned Robert with every step he took towards the coast. Long, hot, dusty days and cold, icy nights, empty but for Jenn’s presence. A last few precious days when, for reasons of her own, she chose not to remember that she hated him. Instead, she kept him company, sometimes in silence, at other times, in talk. About Andrew or his mother or some other safe topic. He knew what she was doing – just as he’d done for her on the journey out.
But even as she talked she was holding something back, hiding herself just as he did – he could see it so clearly it was painful. She had shut her pain and fear away; nothing he could say to her would ever change that. The closer she got to returning to Flan’har, the more the memory of her actions would affect her.
One day he would have to address it, or she was unlikely to use her powers ever again, no matter what the reason. Such an attitude could quite possibly kill her.
Other matters, however, wouldn’t wait. In just a few days, he would be back in Flan’har, a growing army preparing to follow him into a battle he would have given almost anything to avoid.
And still, Jenn told him nothing about Nash – or at least, nothing he could use. It was as though the man had never played any part in her life. Robert couldn’t bring himself to ask again, and couldn’t contemplate any image of Nash that didn’t encompass Jenn. Couldn’t begin to think of Nash without having to suppress some bitter rage at what he had done to Eachern …
… or without being jealous of the time he had spent with Jenn.
Soon he would meet the man, on the battlefield, with Selar’s army behind him. A coward’s act that, ravaging a whole country because he couldn’t find the Key on his own. But how would Nash feel, believing Jenn was dead?
For once, the demon gave a little hiccough and subsided under the pressure of satisfaction. Yes, there was something to smile about. Nash would be devastated – though that might make him a more dangerous foe.
Oh, what the hell – what could possibly be more dangerous than the Angel of Darkness, in whatever mood?
Robert had smelled the sea a full day before they reached the coast. It floated on the air like an enticement. Noru Imbel hadn’t changed a whit in the few days they’d been gone. The smells, noise, crowds and heat enfolded him in a blanket of familiarity. It would have been so nice to lose himself in it, to convince Jenn – with some miracle of words – to forgive him, for them both to just run away from everything. Leave all responsibility, destiny and all that other rubbish far behind them. Live as normal people, together, in peace, without some damned prophecy pushing them here and there – and forever away from each other.
Twice, as they rode through the town, the words came to his lips, but they remained unspoken. If there was one thing he had learned over the years, it was that he couldn’t leave Lusara. Not really – and especially not now. How much he could really help the country remained to be seen, but there was no way he could desert Lusara and just hand it to Nash. Jenn would never care for him again if he did – and nor should she. The whole idea was laughable.
He sold the horses without any trouble, paying for a passage on the same ship north. The captain recognised them, winking at Robert when Jenn smiled a greeting.
They even got the same cabin. Predictably, Jenn remained on deck to watch the dock drift away. Robert stowed their gear and joined her by the rail as sailors and dockmen hoisted ropes, freeing the ship to go on its way. Wind caught the sails in snatches and the ship lurched out of the harbour, leaving Budlandi and everything else behind in its wake.
‘I’d like to come back here one day,’ Jenn murmured, her chin on her hands as she leaned over the rail. Even now she exuded an air of isolation, despite her easy conversation. ‘I always wanted to travel and see places like that. I wish we could have stayed longer. I’m going to miss the warmth, that’s for sure.’
‘Well, Lusara is on the brink of spring,’ Robert replied evenly. ‘You won’t have to wait long before the sun browns your face again.’
‘Am I brown?’
Robert chuckled. ‘It suits you, brings out the colour of your eyes.’ When she frowned a little, he quickly looked away, studied the diminishing harbour. There were moments when it was too easy to forget. The past, the future, all washed away. She’d always had that effect on him; probably always would. He was just going to have to try harder to hide it.
‘Robert?’
‘Mmn?’
‘How do you feel?’
For a moment, he froze, his hands silently gripping the rail as though the ship might toss him overboard. Slowly, he turned to find her eyes full of something – but nothing he could name. Had she guessed what he was thinking? Had he really become so transparent?
He forced words to come out. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m sorry – it’s just that … well, you’ve been so quiet since we left the Palace.’
‘I’ve had a lot to think about.’
‘The Generet?’
Deliberately, Robert shrugged. ‘Let’s hope Patric finds something useful without getting his throat cut. I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t let him go.’
‘I doubt you could have stopped him. He’s a scholar at heart and this is the biggest mystery of his life. Do you really think the Generet came from Alusia?’
He turned back to the sea. ‘You seem to have some considerable faith in my ability to understand all this. But even if I could, would that make any difference?’
‘What do you mean?’
Robert kept his voice low. ‘It doesn’t matter if we comprehend the prophecy. We do know what Nash is. We came here to arm ourselves against him, to be as prepared as he. We may have failed in that attempt, but even so, I must still face him. He is the threat we believe him to be, and whether we like it or not, he does know what he’s doing.’
‘Are you telling me you’ve changed your mind about the Key? That you’ve decided to accept the prophecy?’
‘Never. I’ve always fought against it because I knew it was wrong. Now I cannot give in, even if I wanted to.’
‘Why?’
‘Because,’ Robert paused, paring the truth, ‘it conflicts with a vow I made.’
She frowned, obviously wanting to ask the question, but something held her back. In the end, she put her hand on his arm. ‘So, how do you feel?’
‘How do you think I feel?’
‘It’s just that … I was worried about
His head snapped up and he took a step back, unable to stop his reaction. Stiffly now, he said, ‘Of course. You were worried about the demon. Well, don’t be. I’m sure you can see it’s well contained.’ Damned idiot! Again. Once more, he’d allowed himself to be fooled by the prospect of a little hope – no matter how fragile. She really didn’t care about him at all – all she was worried about was whether he’d lose control and use the Word of Destruction again. Blanching the bitterness from his voice, he added, ‘Jenn, believe me, I feel absolutely fine.’
‘By the gods, I wish you would stop doing that!’ she hissed, her eyes flaring with sudden anger. ‘How am I supposed to … if you keep … Oh!’
Before he could say another word, she turned and stormed across the deck to disappear below.
It seemed the past and the future were one and the same after all.
*
Jenn slammed the cabin door behind her, but there was hardly enough space to move, let alone to pace up and down. With a gasp, she lashed out at the wall and kicked hard.
Why, why, why? Again the same stupid, useless questions! Her whole life was filled with them, empty caverns echoing frustration and ignorance. No matter how hard she tried, nothing ever changed. The wallowing darkness gathered around her, draining her will to ask. What was the point? She’d never know, never be able to see what she was doing wrong until it was too late.
Calm. She had to stay calm.
But … dammit! Why? Why couldn’t he just talk to her for a change? Let down those walls just a little. Was he really so conceited that he believed that nobody, under any circumstances, could possibly help him?
Her fists clenched, digging her nails into her palms. She had to stay calm. She’d done it so far, controlled that … seething mess inside her, and she would continue doing it, but she had to stay calm!
Robert would keep her in ignorance. He wouldn’t talk about what he was thinking or feeling and he would certainly never tell her the ending of the prophecy. Hadn’t he already admitted that she was involved? So didn’t she have a right to understand? How could she do anything, how was she supposed to help if she didn’t know what the hell was going on?
By the gods, why had one little thing he’d said set her off like this? How could she possibly be so angry at … at …
She came to a halt, wheezing in air, hot tears stinging her eyes. Fury snapped at her, goading her, taunting her.
She would lose control. One day she would, and when that happened …
The power had used her, torn through her body as though she were nothing. He’d arched his back, frozen in time as the blast hit him. In that second, she’d stolen his life, extinguished it for ever …
And Andrew had watched her do it, watched as she’d stood there and let her body be abused by a force she’d never guessed existed …
‘Jenn?’
Her head came up, but she couldn’t face him. She forced herself to respond, to get him away. Now, before she could be used like that again. Before she could kill again. ‘Leave me alone, Robert.’
The door closed, but Jenn’s eyes were shut against him, against his presence and everything that it wasn’t. He’d once loved her and now, now he no longer even trusted her.
Serin’s blood, why was she here? Why was she, of all people, involved in this?
‘Jenn, let me help.’ His voice was soft but insistent, moving closer. Full of nothing but … but … certainty. Damned insufferable certainty! Nothing else. Nothing more.
‘I don’t need your help. Go away!’ Sobs racked her body, but she wouldn’t give in. Not until he left. He had to go or she’d …
‘Jenn, please. I can help you. Just talk to me.’
His hand touched her shoulder – and she could hold it back no longer. She spun around, her whole body seething with rage. She struck out at him, her hands flailing punches he made no move to defend against. She pushed him back against the door, her breath rasping, tears blinding her, but it wasn’t enough. Too much and not enough. She wanted to lash out … to let that … power …
‘Let it go, Jenn. Go on, I can contain it.’
‘No, you … you … I hate you!’ she wailed, edging closer to a precipice she’d walked for too long. ‘Should never have come to Clonnet! You … interfered and made me … I … ’
‘Let it go.’
And once again it ripped through her, blinding, breathtaking, awesome, until at the last she remembered who she struck out against. Only then did she draw back, killing the fire with a desperate thought. Empty, she collapsed to her knees, sobbing dry tears.
A movement. Hands beneath her, lifting her, placing her on the bed.
She hadn’t killed him.
This time, when the wound opened up, it didn’t bleed any more.
She hadn’t killed him. She’d trusted him and he hadn’t failed her. Even the ship continued to rock and sway, soothing and soft.
A cup was pressed to her hands, her head held so she could drink. She swallowed with difficulty, but he was patient, letting her sip. Gentle. More calming than a whole world of sea. No matter what she said to him, no matter what she did, he still looked after her.
And by the sheer grace of Mineah alone, she had managed not to kill him.
He brought something to rest her head on then settled on the edge of the bed. Softly, he began, ‘You’ll never know how sorry I am that I didn’t kill Eachern. But it’s not only that you killed him, is it? It’s the way it happened. The moment, the shock, the surprise – and the power. An entirely lethal combination. It rips through you as though you were made of straw, caring nothing of what you really want, what you think – even whether you want to use the power or not. It simply takes over, robbing you of will, making you, in that second, a puppet, a slave to something you cannot control. And it’s very personal, killing like that. Your power is a part of your soul. That’s why we have combat training and the Malachi have the Dariet D’Azzir. That’s why I carry a sword.’
He fell silent and she opened her eyes to find him staring at his hands. As though he sensed her gaze upon him, he continued, ‘I’m sorry, Jenny. I’ve been a fool all along, and all I’ve done is hurt you. I never meant to. I only ever wanted to protect you – but it seems even that is beyond me. I should have told you more. Aiden was right, but I wouldn’t listen. He understood what you needed much better than I did. But I was so caught up with … ’
‘Father Aiden … ’ Jenn paused, swallowing to clear her throat. ‘He told me I should talk to you about it because you knew exactly what it’s like to be … used like that. I thought he meant when you used the Word – but it’s not just that, is it?’
‘No.’ Robert shook his head. ‘Not any more. And that damned priest sees far more than he should. Still, it’s my own fault. I asked him to talk to you. It never occurred to me to ask what he’d said.’
‘He’s a good friend.’
‘More than I deserve.’ Robert reached out and took the cup from her. He rose and refilled it from the barrel in the corner. When he returned, he didn’t sit, simply held the cup out. ‘I’ll leave you now and let you get some rest.’
‘No, Robert.’ Jenn ignored the water. ‘Stay and talk to me.’
He looked, for a moment, terribly vulnerable. ‘I think I’ve done enough damage for one day. I’ll come back later.’
‘No. Stay.’ She reached out and caught his hand, saw him grimace – then looked down. The flesh was red and raw – on both his hands. He tried to draw away, but she pursued him, sitting up. ‘Did I do that?’
He snatched his hands away, hiding them behind his back. ‘Please, Jenn, it’s nothing.’
She studied him for a moment. Her face felt solid and crusty, as though parts of it hadn’t woken from a deep sleep, but she wasn’t going to back down this time. Not when she’d been the cause of this.
Taking in a fortifying breath, she slid off the bed and faced him squarely. ‘Robert Douglas, if you don’t sit down and let me look at those hands, I’ll hit you with something considerably worse than that feeble blast you saw just now.’
‘Feeble?’ An involuntary laugh escaped him, to be suppressed beneath that awesome control once more.
‘Sit!’
‘Well, since you put it that way.’ He sat on the side of the bed as Jenn turned to the water barrel. First, she splashed some on her face, drying it quickly on a towel. Then she poured some into a bowl and brought it back to him. She pulled up the stool and sat, taking his right hand onto her lap. She held it over the bowl and rinsed water over it. Immediately he hissed.
‘How does that feel?’
‘Still asking questions you already know the answer to.’
‘Oh.’ She kept her head down. The burns weren’t bad – at least, not as bad as when she’d split his ayarn. They would be sore for a couple of days, but nothing more. She took his other hand.
‘Ow!’
‘Oh, don’t be a baby!’ It was hard not to laugh. Not at Robert, but the whole cursed situation between them. He hurt her – she hurt him. Back and forth like some bizarre fencing match. Perhaps it was time they stopped and drew a line. Not the line she wanted so dearly, but maybe one they could both live with.
‘By the gods, Robert, I don’t know.’ Jenn got up to get some fresh water. ‘I swear there’s one person in this world who hates you more than Nash does.’
‘More than you do, even?’
‘Yes, even more than me.’
‘You!’
She caught his frown of puzzlement before she sat again and bent her head to her work. ‘You are a fool, Robert. You’ve spent your whole life trying to help people one way or the other, but you don’t stop there, do you? You take their suffering onto yourself. You absorb it. Haven’t you learned anything from the demon? Don’t you realise that you just keep feeding it, making it stronger?’
‘I nearly get killed trying to help you and in return I get a lecture. I suppose I deserve it. Very well, next time I’ll just let you sink the ship. I don’t care, I can swim.’
‘You twist yourself up inside trying to protect everyone, to ease their fear, their discomfort, their pain, to make them laugh. Yet you never pay the same attention to how you feel.’
‘Well,’ Robert replied lightly, ‘you can’t have it both ways. Either I act according to other people’s needs, or I do what I want – and they’re unlikely to have the same effect. I can’t find a place somewhere in the middle. Such a heaven doesn’t exist.’
‘But do you know what you want? Have you even paused long enough to ask?’ She glanced up to find him watching her, a faint, whimsical smile around his eyes.
‘Well, yes, occasionally. I want to live in a peaceful world. I want my country free from tyranny, my people to live in prosperity and justice.’ He paused. ‘And, for dessert, I’d like the Angel of Darkness to drop dead.’
Jenn smiled. ‘Again, you’re thinking of it in terms of other people. What do you want, for yourself?’
‘Right now?’ He lifted his head again to look at her, an eyebrow raised comically.
‘If you like,’ Jenn laughed.
There was a long pause before he answered, ‘You won’t like it.’
‘Robert, you’re in no condition to throw me out of the cabin.’
‘Oh,’ he murmured, as though crestfallen. For a long moment, he said nothing. Then, when she was about to insist, he drew in a deep breath and added, ‘In that case, I’ll have to settle for this.’
Without another word, he leaned forward and kissed her.
Jenn sprang to her feet and the bowl dropped to the floor. Heedless, she turned away, both hands to her mouth. Suddenly it was difficult to breathe and she had to concentrate hard to get air inside her, slow the pounding in her chest.
Robert stood, his voice full of apology and regret. ‘By the gods, Jenn, I’m sorry! I never meant … I mean I … Oh, hell, I’ve done it again. I really think I should leave this time.’
The door was open before she could utter a word. ‘Robert, wait.’
‘No, Jenn, you don’t need to say anything. I’m just very, very sorry. I’ll stay out of your way until we dock.’
And then he was gone.