Alicia had been reaching the end of her tether.
I was becoming increasingly involved in the Donaldson’s affairs as Max delegated more and more to me. Four times it had been necessary for me to extract them from contracts they had taken out with Domestic Agencies because a nanny was unsuitable. I only learned later why she was becoming increasingly desperate to find a settled Nanny who would remain in the position for some time, years even.
It was Max who persuaded Alicia to accept someone who hadn’t been formally trained, who didn’t have the right certificates and wear the correct uniform. He persuaded her to make compromises and take on an untrained nanny, someone who came with a personal recommendation even if they had no formal qualifications. He encouraged them to accept someone who needed the position as much as she needed a nanny for the children.
People said in those two years since Susannah’s birth that Alicia had stayed with her unloved and unloving husband for the sake of appearances. Elections had come and gone and she had been the dutiful wife; she had supported Arnold at the company’s Christmas dinner dances, smiled prettily while she presented prizes at sports days and made tactful speeches at retirement parties.
But I suspected that the main reason she had stayed was that she had nowhere to go.
It was obvious to anyone who cared for her that she was desperate, with good reason. Everything she had wanted to be she could not be. She couldn’t dance because of the accident; she couldn’t be involved in the theatre, apart from local amateur dramatics, because of her ‘position’ as Arnold’s wife. She felt the last decade had been one of unremitting loss and failure. Such high hopes she had had when she was 18 had all crumbled. Then she could have done anything, gone anywhere she wanted to. Act, sing – whatever she turned her mind to she had done well. Then came the accident, the war, Arnold and the children.
She had escaped her parents. She had broken free of that drudgery, but she hadn’t expected things to get so much worse.
She had no money of her own and had no way of supporting herself. She couldn’t return to her parents, they had opposed her marriage in the first place. A reason had to be found to allow her to escape, a reason good enough to ensure Arnold would have to continue to pay for all her needs as she would have no other means of support. It had taken time for her to come up with a foolproof reason with which Arnold could not argue.
She had never been well since the accident and the war munitions work, and then after Susannah’s birth she had been very ill. She visited various specialists. Her depression was not taken seriously as such a condition was common in young mothers; but the fact that she was always in pain, that was more difficult to tie down. Recently she had been feeling increasingly poorly. She was always coughing. The family Doctor, concerned that it was something serious, had arranged for more tests.
They decided it could be TB.
She decided it was.
It was arranged for her to spend some time in a sanatorium in Switzerland while her condition was evaluated. She could get all the rest she needed to regain some strength and recover from the past years. She would also get excellent care and treatment of the TB, if indeed that was what ailed her.
But she had no intention of ever returning.
It was with an air of finality that Alicia broke the after dinner silence the day before Susannah’s second birthday party.
“I don’t think I’ll be coming back, after Switzerland.”
“No? And why would that be?”
“I think I would be happier not.”
She had planned the conversation in her mind. She was going to tell him as little as possible of what she had planned.
“You think you would be happier not.” He quoted back to her. “And just how are you going to live – or needn’t I ask?”
Determined not to rise to the bait she continued with her script. “You are going to support me. You will pay me a regular allowance and I will stay out of your way.”
“And just why would I do that?”
“Because if you don’t agree I will tell everyone I know that Carl Witherby is your son.”
He had no answer to that. Impropriety such as that would end his political career just as it was beginning to buck up again.
“Pay me a generous allowance indefinitely. I’ll stay quiet and out of your way for as long as you like.”
She carried on, knowing she held the advantage.
“The new nanny will have to work out, she can do other work around the house as well as look after the children. Max says she’s very willing. Cook will help out and if necessary you can always hire someone else. Charles is nearly old enough to go away to school and his sister can go in a couple of years. You can get on with your life. They shouldn’t get in your way.”
Arnold wasn’t going to argue with an arrangement that would suit him equally well.
“I’ll talk to Max.”
“I have already. He has drawn up some papers and requires you only to fill in the sum and sign.”
He nodded at her in acceptance of the fait accompli. He would be free to pursue his interests and a young wife in a sanatorium would be good for the sympathy vote.
On the afternoon of her birthday Susannah was joined in the nursery by her mother and father, her brother, Max Fischer’s daughter Veronica, the five children of other members of the cricket team, and, of course, Carl with Kathleen and Henry. Alicia watched the children playing their games, organised by Kathleen who dictated to everyone as though she were already the lady of the house.
But it didn’t worry Alicia – she had found her way out.
So it was that, two days after the party, I delivered Monika to the Donaldsons. It was the first Monday in September 1948.
It was also the day Alicia left home.