What others think of you can have no effect unless you let it
After my experience in Tunisia, the prospect of a trek in the desert in Egypt was very appealing. In 1996, Paul had done a reconnaissance trip with another adventurer called Alvis. A survival expert from Yugoslavia, Alvis took groups on desert adventure tours for a living. He and Paul did a walking trek through the Arabian Desert in Egypt trying to work out whether it would be possible to take commercial guided trips through the area. Paul had absolutely loved the Arabian Desert and was dead keen for me to experience this bleak and beautiful part of the world the way he had. When Alvis decided to put together a group to do the trek the following year, Paul encouraged me to take part without him. He couldn’t have known then that it would cause the life that he’d created for the pair of us to completely unravel.
I flew into Hurghada and met up with the rest of the group. I was a bit nervous to be going off on a trek with people I didn’t know but it didn’t take long before I was comfortable being around everyone else. There were twelve of us, all from Austria, but from different backgrounds and with varying levels of ability. We spent nine days crossing Egypt between the Nile River and the Red Sea. It was 150 kilometres and it was pretty easy compared to what I’d been expecting. There were plenty of rest periods and places along the way to get water.
It was a real eye-opener for me. For the first time, I was out in the wilderness without Paul and, more importantly, I was with other people away from the pressure that Paul constantly put on me. We’d spent nearly every moment together since we’d met and over that time I didn’t really have any other friends. It was unusual of him to want me to go on a trip on my own but he really wanted me to experience what he’d seen in the Arabian Desert.
I’d had three years of being told how hopeless, how unco and how unfit I was. Compared to Paul, I was all those things, or so I believed it. Being in the desert was a total revelation to me. The people in our group all seemed pretty fit, adventurous and sporty but I was running circles around them all.
At night, when we’d stopped to rest they’d all be absolutely shattered from the heat, the sand and the exertion. Not me. I’d be off up the nearest hill to check out the view or I’d go for a run just to burn off my excess energy. Even though the nights were cold and my sleeping bag was thin so I didn’t sleep well, I just loved being in the desert and I loved the challenge of being away from civilisation. Compared to being on trips with Paul, this was a piece of cake.
For the first time in years, someone told me I was amazing and capable. On top of that, I’d actually made friends with people other than Paul. These people liked me for me and they were impressed with my abilities. I felt on top of the world. My confidence, which had been so badly eroded over the past few years, started to sneak back.
While I was in Egypt walking through the Arabian Desert, Paul was making his final preparations to carry out an altogether more dangerous mission with Alvis and another bloke, Gunther. Once we came out of the Arabian Desert, the four of them were going to cross the Libyan Desert in southern Egypt. It was going to be a 10-day, 250-kilometre unsupported trek through a closed military zone. Everything they needed for the trip they’d have to take with them, including all of their food and water. There had never been any mention of me going and I really didn’t think that I’d be fit enough or fast enough to go with them. That all changed while we were in the Arabian Desert. Alvis was so impressed with my ability that he invited me to join them on the Libyan Desert trek. I was totally unprepared to do the trek but I was so stoked that someone thought I was good enough I agreed to do it.
I knew I didn’t have the right gear for the Libyan Desert so I set about buying what I could off my mates on the Arabian Desert trip. I bought a really warm but really heavy sleeping bag off one of them. It weighed more than three kilos but it was worth lugging that extra weight to make sure I’d be warm on the cold desert nights to come.
To cross the Arabian Desert I’d only taken a pair of running shoes. I knew that these wouldn’t be enough on our next trek so I managed to borrow a pair of tramping boots off another member of the party — only they were half a size too small. I had no money and I thought they’d do.
I thought that Paul would be happy for me that Alvis thought I was up to the adventure. And he was — for a while. Until he realised that he’d have to bring food and provisions for both of us and not just for him. Once again, everything was all about Paul. But I didn’t care. Alvis and I flew from Hurghada back to Cairo on the verge of one of the biggest adventures of my life.