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MAE
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“IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE with other friends and family, too,” I explain, an air of surrealness surrounding me at the turn of our conversation. But Liam’s not getting it. His mouth is set in a firm line, and there’s a fire in his eyes like he’s preparing for battle.
This coming from a stranger who wants me, who’s harbored a crush for a decade. A fact I still can’t fathom.
When he’d blurted out his feelings in the lobby, I immediately froze in shock. Men don’t declare their emotions out loud like that, especially not to me.
Yeah, maybe his admission to keeping up with me on social media should freak me out. But honestly, I didn’t even remember we were friends online. And don’t we all know way too much information about practical strangers because we don’t cull our friends lists very well?
I could name five people’s kids off the top of my head, and I’ve never even met the little demons. When you think about it, isn’t that even creepier than a man confessing to a secret crush?
So, against my usually reserved nature, I agreed to walk with him to the library. I wasn’t lying when I said my defenses are down. Tonight’s just been one hit after the other, and it feels good just to speak my mind without all the guards up.
“Look, it's easy to say someone should stand up for themselves or leave if they're not being treated right.” I struggle to voice my feelings in a way that will make sense to him. “Like if someone's only with you because you don't challenge them, and you're afraid that if you did, they'd drop you, then that's not friendship.”
Liam nods, waiting for me to go on. “But no one wants to be alone. Do you know how hard it is to be yourself while hoping you’re good enough for people to want to hang around? Everyone has flaws, and everyone pretends. It's just what level you're willing to accept, and if my friends accept me because I don't make waves then so be it. I don't like conflict anyway.”
It may be pathetic. It may be cowardly. But it saves me from the heartache of being dismissed and abandoned.
“But you're muting yourself in the process. Speaking your mind shouldn't equal conflict.”
“Says the man who suddenly loves everything about me without having spent an entire day in my presence,” I scoff. I doubt he’d feel the same way after an extended period of time. Angie, Kayla, and Naomi are proof. We were friends for three years before they unilaterally shunned me.
“So, let’s change that. We have this entire weekend to get to know each other better. To prove I want you no matter what.”
“Aren’t there other people you want to catch up with?”
“No. I came here for you.” And the hazel fire becomes an inferno as Liam grabs my hand and kisses the palm, refusing to relinquish eye contact. His lips leave a burning imprint, a brand of possession. “You’re the only reason I returned.”
He seems sincere, and I desperately want to believe him. But it’s difficult to forget years of evidence pointing towards how relationships with me have an expiration date.
You’re still friends with Laura after all this time.
She also spends most of her years abroad, not around you.
“I don’t want to disappoint you,” I admit, untangling my hand from his. “Wouldn’t you rather enjoy the fantasy than have reality crush your dream?”
“No... I can’t live on thoughts of you alone. Not anymore.” Liam stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets and studies the shelf of books towering over us. “We’ve got tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday to sort everything out. Trust me for the next three days, and if I haven’t convinced you by the end of the awards brunch on Sunday that you’re the one for me, I’ll concede to your wishes.”
A reasonable compromise.
And really... at thirty-two do I still want to cling to this insecurity anyway? My therapist said to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, maybe this is just what I need. Wasn’t I wishing for someone to notice me earlier?
Well, wish granted.
“It wouldn’t be just us, either, if that concerns you. My sister attends Trinity, and she’ll be happy to meet you.” He offers the option like a lifeline, urging me to take hold. Having a buffer between us might take the pressure off me—a third person to help guide the conversation if I flounder.
“Alright. I’m willing to try your way.” Laura will be thrilled, and I won’t feel like I’m ruining her homecoming by tagging along everywhere. My phone vibrates as if she knew the moment I leaped out of my comfort zone because her name appears across the screen asking where I am.
“Perfect. Let me get your number. You weren’t planning on going to the obstacle course or campus tours tomorrow, were you?”
I laugh. “Uh, definitely not. I’m free to do whatever.” We exchange numbers while my phone goes off again. “I’ve gotta go, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. I’m looking forward to it.” He smiles and walks me back to the Basil Center before we separate.
Yeah, Laura’s going to be thrilled.