Right now you may be thinking, okay, what the f*ck is a Lusty Vegan? A hemp-clad protester who desperately needs to get laid? A glossylipped semi-lebrity covered in lettuce? A kale fanatic littering your social media feeds with food porn?
Sure, some of us may fall into those stereotypes, but let’s take it further. Lusty Vegans are vegans who are looking for love. We are just as passionate about what is on our plates as we are about what is in our hearts and who is sliding in between our sheets. Lusty Vegans put the passion in compassion, and we’re finding that our unique lifestyles often affect our love lives. Why? Because food, like love and sex, is important. It’s nourishing, it’s uplifting, it’s emotional, and—like the relationship status of doom—it’s complicated.
Why you need to read this book
If you’re rolling your eyes and thinking “how can dating a vegan be that complex? It’s just food,” well then chew on this: Mealtime is important. Eating satisfies our most primal need, but remember that we also have emotional ties to what we eat. We still love what our mothers cooked for us, we know just what to eat to cure a broken heart, and we all have our individual guilty pleasures.
FOOD, LIKE LOVE AnD SEX, Is impoRTAnt IT’S nOURISHInG, IT’S UPLIFTing IT’S EmOTIOnAL, AnD--LIKE THE RELATI OnShip STATUS OF DOOm- - IT’S COmpLICATED.
We have a strong bond with what we eat, yet these ties are easy to overlook—until you are forced to think about them every time you sit at a table.
When you sit down for a meal, you’re making a choice that has a large reflection on who you are as a person. From emotional ties to nutritional and philosophical beliefs, your food choices say a lot about you. When dating someone whose relationship with food and philosophical beliefs directly oppose yours, you are called to pause and think about just how different you are. Whether it’s eating in your cramped apartment on TV trays set for two, or eating out in a group with friends, the meal is definitive. Navigating those definitive moments with someone whose opposing beliefs are displayed three times a day at mealtime can be tricky.
Veganism on and off the plate
In case you don’t already know, veganism is a lifestyle based on a belief that all sentient beings are equal. While people go vegan for a variety of reasons (we’ll get into those later), the incentive is usually tethered to the founding principal of non-harming and equality. It’s not a diet. It’s an alternative way of thinking and acting. This means that the differences between a vegan and an omnivore extend far beyond the dinner plate. However, this is a cookbook, guys! So for the most part, we will be focusing on the yummier side of things—the mealtime dilemmas and basic lifestyle disparities that occur during what we have come to call “divided” relationships. We’re going to let you field the philosophical differences on your own. That being said, it’s important to acknowledge that the differences we discuss here are rooted in a philosophy that goes much deeper than an aversion to dairy. Whew.
Who are we?
This book is authored by two vegans. We tag team the narrative, and we trust you’ll be able to keep up. One of us—a veteran restaurant-trained vegan chef and founder of iEatGrass.com—has been vegan all his life. The other, a spunky, potty-mouthed writer, has been a vegan for her entire adult life, and was a cheese-addicted vegetarian for most of her adolescence (is Cheddar Anonymous a thing?).
Here’s the catch: neither one of us has ever dated another vegan.
Crazy, right?! However, we’ve discovered we’re not alone. Most of the vegans we know have never had the opportunity to keep it veg in the bedroom either. Finding two vegans in a relationship is like spotting a leprechaun on a unicorn giving out free tickets to a Michael Jackson concert. So if we’re not dating each other, who are we dating? Everybody else. This is where it gets… complicated.
In this book, we break down our possible couple pairings into three major camps:
1. Vegan on omnivore: For the dreamy-eyed vegan dating a meat-eater. The vegan is most likely hatching a plan for converting their omni.
2. Omnivore on vegan: “Everything eaters” who have found themselves in a relationship with a vegan, yet remain a bit clueless or skeptical about the lifestyle.
3. Vegan on vegan: The nearly mythical occurrence of two vegans dating one another. Cross your fingers for vegan baby making!
Where did this book come from?
As a young executive chef and bachelor living in Manhattan, Ayindé spent years cooking a ton of delicious plant-based food for his clientele, his friends, and his lady friends. At some point, like clockwork, his vegan lifestyle would become an issue in his romantic relationships. Over the years, his dates shared similar laments and queries, including “Wait, you don’t even eat butter?” and “I’d cook for you, but you can’t eat anything!”
Ayindé may have had ninety-nine problems, but cooking amazing vegan food was definitely not one. Determined that his girlfriends would at least eat vegan while in his house, Ayindé’s recipe repertoire began to grow exponentially.
In 2010, Chef Ayindé was tapped to write a weekly column for a popular food blog in New York. He began to talk about his then-current relationship challenges with a woman we will meet later in this book. His juicy tidbits about his love life and innovative recipes would literally get him stopped at parties by folks wanting to know what happened next with them and what the next recipe was. However, his editors wanted less love life and more tofu talk, so he put the idea on the proverbial back burner.
That’s where this project had been simmering until he met Zoë, who had also been writing about the convergence of love, sex, and food on her own personal blog. Talk about a meeting of the minds! With our separate romantic experiences in mind, we had both been unofficially researching the whole inter-palate dating dilemma for a long time before we decided to co-write a book about it. More on that later.
Ayindé hired Zoë as the first-ever iEatGrass.com intern, and as iEat-Grass grew, she made her way through the ranks to Managing Editor. Ayindé punted the whole vegan dating idea to Zoë, and we turned it into a weekly column on iEatGrass called, you guessed it, The Lusty Vegan. There, Zoë tackled all things sex, love, and food politics. While Zoë wrote, Ayindé continued his “field research” as a chef and boyfriend/ lover/homieloverfriend—creating countless meals with his omnivorous lady friends in mind.
After years of incredible eating, tons of funny stories, and great input from our readers, we are excited to bring you our findings. We are bursting with recipes, tips, and anecdotes for vegans and omnivores alike—for the everyday folks new to this vegan par-tay and for the person who thinks quinoa is bird food, but loves that quinoa-fed vegan booty. Since we have studied omnis so closely—biblically, even—trust us that the advice is sound.
We will cover all sorts of ripe material, like how cohabiting vegans and omnivores can traverse a divided kitchen, and how omnis can keep your new vegan fox happy without donning a hemp sweater and harvesting wheat grass in your bathtub.
We share our own personal and often embarrassing learning experiences, like the time Ayindé threatened to break up with his girlfriend if she ate chicken; she went ahead and ate it anyway. In bed. Out of a box that had “fried chicken” written on it. In the Food for Sex chapter, Zoë guiltily admits to fetishizing the way her boyfriend ate ice cream made of…wait for it…cow’s milk! (Gasp.) We implore you to learn from our mistakes and use our experiences to help you navigate the pitfalls and pioneer your own romantic success in this brave new world. Let’s start at the beginning and introduce ourselves.
AYINDÉ: Hi, I’m a lifelong vegan. Yes, all my life. No, I have never eaten meat. My parents were vegan, and they raised me to be the same. I have also been an executive chef and restaurant owner for the past fifteen years. Most of my friends and every woman I’ve dated have been “regular people” or “omnivores,” as we have come to call them. Growing up as The Vegan Kid On The Block was always weird. In fact that’s where the name iEatGrass comes from—kids who used to ask if that’s what vegans eat. It seems today, just thirty some years later, the national conversation is leaning toward health and healthy plant-based food. So who’s the weird one now? Still me? Okay…cool.
As an adult I have become the homie who can cook. All of my friends and girlfriends loved to come by my restaurant or invite themselves over for dinner. I love to cook, so it’s nothing to whip them up something tasty, whether they’re vegan or not. My friends always say, “I’d be vegan if I could eat like this every day.” In my early dating years, I never really saw a problem with dating omnivores—different lifestyles were not as important as a big booty. As I grew older, I started to think differently about what I wanted. I began looking for more meaningful relationships—as in, my fingers are crossed for a life partner. Hopefully, she will be vegan…with a big booty. What? I like what I like, I’m not judging you.
Around the time my relationship goals shifted, I started teaching more, and specifically teaching people how to make vegan food in a different way; simple always works best. Most of this thinking occurred during my last real relationship. We had a lot of meals together, and I learned a lot about myself as a person, a chef, and a great boyfriend. Seriously, what?
During that last infamous relationship, I came up with some pretty great and approachable recipes, one of which—my enchiladas—was published in The New York Times. I actually shot the photo for it in my ex’s apartment. I’ve included a couple other dishes in this book that were featured in various publications. Most of the recipe ideas came from our weekly Sunday dinner dates during which I, the vegan, was catering to my girlfriend’s omnivorous palate. Oftentimes she would suggest one of her favorite meals for me to translate into something we could both eat. Since I was a chef, she became the “regular” in my apartment bistro. I would attempt to get the familiar flavor and texture profiles and keep her worldly palate excited. The result was a diverse collection of recipes.
ZOË: Hi there. While I’m not a lifelong vegan like Ayindé, I’ve been eschewing meat since puberty, and finally ditched dairy in college. I haven’t looked back. I’m a writer, lover, and veggie fiend, and I like to talk endlessly about my two favorite things—food and sex.
I have been embracing positive sexuality for even longer than I’ve been embracing the bulk food section of the health food store. Life is simply too short to waste your time with bad sex and undercooked noodles.
I’m also a bit of a serial monogamist, and I’m into commitment on the culinary level too. I’ve been happily eating oatmeal every morning for the past decade, and the idea of socializing with one man-part for the rest of my life—while terrifying or boring for others—is exciting to me. If I dig the fit and feel, why look elsewhere?
Dick aesthetics aside, food has always been heavily present in my relationships. I once dated a guy who only ate bacon and tuna salad. In this book, I adoringly refer to him as “Tuna,” and I swear his eating habits were a huge reason behind our break up. That, and an incident involving jealousy (his), pyromania (his), and a 1995 Honda Civic (mine).
The reason Ayindé and I bonded in the first place, and the reason I snagged my internship with iEatGrass back in 2010, is because we naturally connected over the idea that vegans care about more than animal rights and pressing tofu. While those things are important (I like my tofu extra chewy, since you asked), I can’t stress enough that vegans, like everybody else, have other interests and hobbies. I care about art, film, politics, food, love, and sex. I don’t care for sports or country music, but everything else is pretty much fair game. While we vegans may be more highly evolved (ahem) than the average American McDonald’s patron, overall, all I want is a little love and understanding—just like everybody else. Ayindé and I get it, and we hope you do too.
Why don’t we just shut up and date each other?
Har, har, har. [blank stare] We’re addressing this here because we know eventually you’re going to ask. And we don’t totally blame you; when two single vegans co-write a book in which they talk about not being able to find other single vegans, well, it’s clearly a question begging to be asked. The answer is simple: We don’t have that kind of connection. We have an awesome creative, collaborative, let’s-write-a-cookbook, high-five and eat some Bibimbap connection. Also, we work together. Now excuse us while we ask why you don’t go date your co-workers. Sheesh.
Then you already know that finding a mate with a compatible lifestyle can be difficult. As of 2012, it was estimated that around 2 percent of Americans are vegans.
That means unless you want to stand outside your farmer’s market with a sign that says “meat-free sausage?” it may be hard to run into another vegan. And even if you do, who’s to say you are attracted to them? And if you are, then who’s to say they are single? The good ones go faster than free tequila at a dive bar. And more importantly, who’s to say they are not hemp-clad, patchoulismelling, card-carrying Burning Man types? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m always saying that weird is good. But let’s face it: Most people don’t want to hang around someone they think is “abnormal.” An original, sure. “Abnormal,” maybe not. Ayindé can tell you. He was raised vegan, and if you think being vegan in small town America in the eighties was cool, you are sorely mistaken. It’s bad enough being a hormonal teen with braces and gangly limbs. Imagine explaining veganism to the lunchroom bully or your high school crush…
“You see, mayonnaise is made from eggs, which come from a chicken, and I don’t agree with…wait…where are you going?”
To help you and your partner see eye-to-eye (and plate-to-plate), we have paired an aperitif of advice on how to coexist in your vegan-fusion relationship with delish recipes that will keep your partner from dreaming about bacon while they gag down mouthfuls of your steamed Swiss chard. Time to step it up! No more steaming your greens. How can you impress anybody with that? Ayindé is releasing some of his most coveted recipes in this book, a bounty of drool-worthy plant-based fare that will have your partner suspiciously searching the kitchen for hidden take-out boxes. Truth.
If you’re omnivore…
And you’re alive in the twenty-first century, then you have probably heard about this vegan stuff. Maybe you think it’s a trend. (Trust us, it’s not.) Maybe you’re turned off by some of the crazier activism antics. Like all extremist groups, the extreme side of the vegan world can give the rest of us a bad rap, so we promise you, we’re not all into angry banners and naked protests…well, naked yes, protest no.
If you’ve fallen for a vegan, you are entering a crazy new world of nutritional yeast and alkaline diets. Don’t worry. We’re here to help you make heads, tails, and breakfast for your new boo. What’s better, we’re going to do it without offending your new girl when you plan a surprise trip to the zoo or buy your guy a bag of marshmallows to make s’mores on your romantic camping trip. Wait, what? Vegans don’t like zoos or s’mores?! Don’t worry, we’re here to help you understand these small nuances. Think of us as your vegan wing-men. While vegans are still a slim population, there are millions of us, and most are between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five—the prime age for prowling.
With veganism growing, and more veg-curious folks popping up every day, it’s really no surprise that you are dating one of us. Who can blame you? Most of us can cook, and we take care our bodies, which means we’re foxy as f*ck and beasts in bed. Some even say we taste better. (Psst! We do.) But if the thought of a life without cheese makes you want to cry, and you never think twice about buying a nice pair of leather shoes, then you’re gonna run into trouble in your vegan romance. Yes, heads up, your shoes will become an issue in a conversation one day. Save the shoes! You’ve been warned.
The truth about vegans in stereo(type)
There are somewhere around 2 million vegans in the world, and that number is growing. As with any subculture, there are sub-subcultures. To get you up to speed, we’re going to use a popular, albeit unorthodox, method of stereotyping - because if you can’t laugh at yourself, someone else surely will.
Here is a rundown of the top six types of vegans you might meet in the wild:
• ethical vegans (see: Ingrid Newkirk)
• environmental vegans (follow the scent of patchouli)
• veganish (this is Oprah’s doing)
• pop vegans (read: millennials)
• sentenced-to-veganism vegans (two words: Bill Clinton)
• health-obsessed vegans (possibly also raw, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, salt-free, fun-free. Womp womp)
Got it? Good! Okay, enough with the stereotyping! Let’s get to the juicy stuff, beginning with a common emotion we all feel or have felt. Hint: It’s a four-letter word. No, not love, but …
Lust [l
st]: An emotion or feeling of intense desire. You can lust for knowledge, power, food, or the body of another. Lust is an important part of a relationship; it keeps us coming back for seconds. And thirds. And for us commitment types, for 70,000ths. But most people, vegans or not, desire a connection that extends beyond the fun we have in bed. How far will lust get you when you’re old and wrinkly? Let’s all imagine that…. yeah, not sure why we went there. Oh yes, because when those of us who stay together for good (less than 50 percent nowadays) are old and batshit crazy, the only thing left is…
Love [lv]: We all need love, and fostering a deep bond is important. Bonding is encouraged by serotonin, a chemical we produce that is an important part of our body’s make-up. They call it a chemical attraction for a reason—some scientists believe we actually pick our partners by smell. Thanks a lot, pheromones. Maybe I don’t WANT to go for the unstable, flakey, creative type who can write a whole screenplay in a week but can’t remember to call me, yet again.
Unfortunately, we can’t choose whom we fall in love with. Science or not, those ooey-gooey feelings usually hit us like the winter up North. One moment you’re doing your thing, and the next, there’s a storm comin’ and you’ve got it bad. You’re canceling plans with friends to stay in and stare at each other. You’re leaving your holy sanctuary others refer to as “the couch,” and following your new girl to her 5:00 AM spin class. You’re listening to your guy’s heavy metal when you typically prefer Bach. Two months in, you look down to realize you’re both wearing matching skinny jean/vest combos. Yikes!
But at some point, those love-induced opiates will wear off, and you will see that while your girl may have the perfect ass, nobody is actually perfect. And when you come across bumps caused by your differences, then you figure it out. And by “figure it out,” we mean the C word…
No no, the other C word:
Compromise 
The dreaded C word, often used as a weapon in arguments, is defined as a settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions.
Compromising on where the TV goes or finally agreeing to get rid of your collection of boob “art” is one thing. You might even change religions for the right person. But when it comes to food, it’s a whole other ball game. Jesus to Buddha, Republican to Democrat, Red Sox to Yankees—not an issue. But bacon to tofu?! We are gonna need some help here.
Fact is, we don’t scientifically understand human attraction. Space travel and nuclear bombs, no biggie. But whether it’s a bad boy in a (p)leather jacket or a big booty in great jeans, we still don’t know what makes us drawn to another person. There are theories, and we can psychoanalyze and sniff each other’s stinky t-shirts until we’re Freuded out, but we probably still won’t understand why we like who we like.
Eff it! Add it to the list of things we just don’t understand, like the middle seat on airplanes, or why old people announce when they have to go to the bathroom. Whomever you love, you love. If you’re vegan, if you’re omni—you can’t help your attraction to one another. And you shouldn’t have to. Because when it comes to your relationship, food, and your sex life, it’s best to keep it simple. It should taste great and be satisfying. Nobody asks for seconds of plain steamed broccoli, or to get it in the missionary position for the third…time…this…week. Yawn.
What will you find in this book?
With The Lusty Vegan, we’re creating a unique experience; everybody wants to be a special snowflake, right? We’re no different, except that we want to be a helpful special snowflake. We want you to walk away with a greater understanding of how you can coexist with a person who has different ideals and values than you, with a wealth of recipes (from simple and satisfying to super-fancy kitchen-ninja impress-everybody status) and a sense of accomplishment because you finished this awesome book and f*ck yeah for personal growth!
You will be reading stories from both of us, learning how to navigate your vegan/omnivore relationship with minimal food politics spats and flying cutlery and maximum hearty, wholesome, “I can’t believe this is vegan” meals that every palate will enjoy. We hope that you will learn from our past experiences—or at least be entertained and amused.
REmEmBER: you CAN’T BULLY somEonE into THinkinG YOUR WAY Is THE RIGHT WAY, AnD WHY WOULD YOU WAI TO?
Peppered throughout the book are stories and tips from some of our friends, like sweet vegan baker and cookbook author Hannah Kaminsky, Discerning Brute and Brave Gentleman founder Joshua Katcher, Girlie Girl Army’s own Chloé Jo Davis, and more. Each of the vegan all-stars featured in the book explores a different outlook on love and life, and a different wealth of experience, and we’re happy to be able to share them with you. You’re welcome.
Since this book is meant to be a powerhouse of condensed info, we wanted to give you as many useful morsels as possible, and so in terms of relationship and dating resources, we also opened it up to our iEatGrass.com readers and our social media networks, allowing fellow vegans and omnivores to give us their most tried-and-true tips for dating one another. Because these tips, suggestions, and ideas come from so many different noggins, some of them naturally oppose one another. This only makes it more fun.
Learning to cook, Ayindé’s way
Ayindé here. With fifteen plus years under my belt as a restaurant chef, I have learned a couple of things. First, the French have one thing down: fat carries flavor. In traditional French cooking, they use tons of butter from a cow’s milk or animal fat. The second thing I have learned from the French is that they are not afraid to go for it, and eat with reckless abandon. In this book, I borrow from the French and use plant-based fats to achieve the same goal: superior flavor. Some of the heartier, more complex recipes in this book use a healthy amount of oil or vegan butter. In getting feedback from my rockstar recipe testers, I learned that the use of oil is shocking to some. Veganism is, and should be, a healthy choice by default. I am using plant-based fats in these recipes and no trans fats or animal fats. Fat is a part of every balanced diet, and an essential part of cooking. Healthy fats are also essential for your organs to properly function, from your brain to your sex parts. So, instead of changing all my recipes to blend in with all the rest, because I’m a badass (which is what got me this cookbook deal in the first place), I ask you this: if you see a recipe with more oil than you typically use, try it the way I make it first. It’s all in the technique.
When you boil it down, cooking is simple: if you have fire, some good plants, and something sharp, you can eat. I try to stray from this as little as possible. Fancy food is great, and I cover some of that, but I want to give you recipes that you can actually make and feel proud of. I want you to serve up recipes you can make without having to blow your paycheck on ingredients you can’t pronounce and will probably only use once.
I cut my teeth working in restaurant kitchens and at home learning at the stove with my parents. Many of the most important moments in my life have happened in a kitchen, and I tell some of those stories with each recipe. As you learn these recipes and build your own stories, know that failing is a part of mastery. The happy mistake is often the key to whole other worlds. I have learned techniques that are as important as any ingredients, and I will be sharing what I have learned with you. I suggest this book be used as part of your vegan cookbook collection. Revisit it often for unique and satisfying main dishes and robust flavors. Keep on reading the books of my colleagues to round out the plate; veganism has come a long way since the days of one good book. But keep ours on top of the stack.
Cooking terms
Below is a list of terms that I use in many of my recipes. Listing them once makes it easier than repeating eighty times to get out your vegan butter of choice. Most of these items you will use so frequently that it’s best to go stock your fridge with them right now. Think of this as a shopping list.
Vegan Butter: Find a brand of vegan butter you like, such as Earth Balance. The options are typically made from blended oils and usually come in tubs or sticks and are usually chillin’ wherever the tofu hangs out in the refrigerated section of your grocery store. Be sure to scrutinize labels to avoid lactose-free or cholesterol-free options that are not vegan. Some even contain fish oil.
Vegan Egg Replacement: The vegan egg options are actually quite vast. You can use a boxed brand you trust (I made all these recipes with Ener-G Egg Replacer) or make a quick replacement yourself using either tapioca flour or flax seed meal.
Vegan Cream Cheese and Sour Cream: All dairy replacements are not made the same, and they don’t all taste the same, so experiment until you find the right one for you. Try Tofutti brand.
Cooking Oil: For a standard cooking oil, I use grapeseed oil. It has a high smoke point, which makes it a good substitute for olive or vegetable oils. It’s also high in unsaturated fats and vitamin E. Other good high-heat cooking oils are safflower oil and canola oil. However, be wary of canola—it comes from the rapeseed, which are often genetically modified (GMO).
Extra-Virgin Olive Oil: EVOO isn’t a good cooking oil, because once it heats beyond the smoke point, the fat oxidizes and isn’t good for human consumption. I use it only for dressings and for drizzling after cooking.
Salt: Salt should only have one ingredient: salt. Unless you’re using a flavored salt, there should be no other ingredient listed on the label. I use sea salt because it’s the purest kind.
Fruits and Vegetables: Organic, organic, organic. I only use organic because again, back to the simple approach: if you start with good quality produce, you have a better chance of a good quality meal. Going organic not only takes a large chunk of chemicals out of your diet, but you often have superior tasting goods, which means less work later on. So yes, it does make a difference. The extra money is worth it.
Vegan Cheese: If it’s just some shreds, take your pick. As of now, there are only two brands that make a good vegan cheese that melts: Daiya and Follow Your Heart Vegan Gourmet. If you want to go the artisan vegan cheese route but can’t find any in your local store, I recommend you dabble in your own cheese-making. Interested? Check out the book Artisan Vegan Cheese by Miyoko Schinner. It’s a good one.
Non-Dairy Milk: For cooking, it’s best to use unsweetened, unflavored non-dairy milks. I usually use either soy or almond milk. You can use whichever you prefer, although if it’s a heavier recipe, I often go with almond as it has more natural fats, à la whole milk. If I don’t specify which type of non-dairy milk to use, then you can pick between the two.
Alright, now that we’ve given you a rundown of what you can expect to find in this book, let’s get on with it!
Recipe icons
The recipes feature icons (in the form of capital letter abbreviations) to indicate certain characteristics that may be of special interest to you if you are avoiding gluten or soy. They are as follows:
GF - Gluten Free: These recipes are inherently gluten free, either because all the ingredients are gluten free or there is a choice between two items in the ingredients list, the first one being gluten free. Otherwise, the recipe itself needs no alterations or substitutions.
SF - Soy Free: These recipes are inherently soy free, either because all the ingredients are soy-free or there is a choice between two items in the ingredients list, the first one being soy free. Otherwise, the recipe itself needs no alterations or substitutions.
GFO - Gluten-Free Option: These recipes need some ingredient substitution and cooking alteration to make them gluten free, but the information you need is provided in the headnote of the recipe.
SFO - Soy-Free Option: These recipes need some ingredient substitution and, perhaps, cooking alteration to make them soy free, but the information you need is provided in the headnote of the recipe.