Emma Caruso, thank you for reading a proposal on a train and fighting like hell for three years to make it into a book. Thank you for your sharp instincts and tireless commitment, for pushing me at every turn to make this novel better—and for wrestling my laptop away when I was hell-bent on making it worse. If I aspire to be the literary Ashley I. (after all, this book was my first), then you are the Rhode Island Jared I’ve dreamed of my whole life. And the single-space editorial letters were our Paradise. And Caitlin McKenna was Chris Harrison. Emma, I’m sorry to say this, but I don’t see any way around it: We did the damn thing. Thank you forever.
Morgan Matson, thank you for being the first person to tell me I should write a book, for your inexhaustible reservoirs of guidance, and for your miraculous/infuriating ability to solve the toughest story problems in twenty seconds flat. (Seriously, how do you do that?? Whatever, let’s go to Vegas and watch a Marvel movie.)
Julia Cox and Ali Schouten, thank you for the hundreds of pages of manuscripts you’ve read and the thousands of glasses of wine we’ve shared. Thank you to Jenna Lowenstein, Sharon Greene, Amanda Litman, Sonia Kharkar, and Sneha Koorse for reading various drafts and giving invaluable feedback, to Meg Vázquez for your insight on all things visual (and my fabulous author photo!), and to Megan Lubin and Shareeza Bhola for being my personal PR gurus.
I’m indebted to the many writers who’ve influenced my thinking on fat acceptance, including Your Fat Friend, Roxane Gay, Michael Hobbes (whose article “Everything You Know About Obesity Is Wrong” should be required reading for every human), Michelle V. Scott, and Lindy West. I’m grateful to Samantha Puc, Tracy Russo, and Sabrina Hersi Issa for helping me think through changes to earlier versions of this novel to make Bea more inclusive and relatable for women of all sizes, and to Jenna Lowenstein, Jess Morales Rocketto, Amanda Litman, and Danielle Kantor for the endlessly wonderful text threads about life in (and fashion for!) plus-size bodies.
If Marin gives Bea any good advice in this book, it’s because Sonia Kharkar, Megan Lubin, and Meg Vázquez gave it to me first. I’m sorry for plagiarizing you so rampantly; it’s your own fault for being so fucking smart. Thank you. I love you.
Thank you to my family: Dad and Dede, who always believe in me (and who generously put me up in a problematic cabin when I flipped out that I ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT FINISH THIS DRAFT); Rebecca, Rob, Zoe, and Jessica, who drag me into nature against my will and make me happier than any other humans on the planet; Jill (and Liz and Rich), who graciously hosted me for dozens of writing retreats by the lake; my grandmother Bobby Stayman, whose indomitable spirit has inspired me all my life; Florence, who taught me colors, kindness, and French; Liz, Norah, and especially Arlene, who made me a reader, and then a writer.
I’ve been lucky to have some truly amazing teachers, and I want to mention a few of them here: Thank you to Dolores Antoine, Marcia Greenwald, Gail Ciecierski, Dennis Murray, Tom Manos, Shana Stein, Brad Riddell, Ted Braun, Janet Scott Batchler, Aaron Rahsaan Thomas, Michael Saltzman, Steven Bochco, Trey Callaway, and particularly Connie Congdon, who taught me how to listen, and how not to be afraid.
Thank you to Whitney Frick for steering the ship so peerlessly, to Sarah Horgan for our gorgeous cover, and to everyone at Random House who worked so hard to get us across the finish line: Jess Bonet, Melissa Sanford, Avideh Bashirrad, Cindy Berman, Maria Braeckel, Susan Corcoran, Barbara Fillon, Rachelle Mandik, Jen Valero, Sasha Sadikot, and the incredible RH sales force, whose enthusiasm made my heart grow about fifty sizes. Thanks also to Fiona Davis for helping us launch this book with a bang.
Thank you to Corey Ackerman and Katy McCaffrey for championing me and my writing, and to Helen Land for showing me how much better my life could get (then helping me through the door). Thank you to Trish Welte, Erin Kamler, Rachel LaBruyere, Tia Subramanian, and Taylor Salditch. As some artists thank God at the Grammys, so now would I like to thank Hillary Rodham Clinton. Thank you for inspiring the HFA family every day to do all the good we can.
Okay. Last one.
Thank you, Julia Masnik. Thanks for signing me off a makeup blog. Thank you for Sondra. Thank you for giving me a reason to keep going in 2016 when I couldn’t get out of bed, then for gently pointing out that while writing three pages might feel like a big accomplishment, it was not enough to sell a book. Thank you for knowing immediately that this idea was the one. Thank you for being my favorite snob, for ebbing my panic one jillion times per annum, for bringing Lisa Vanderpump levels of elegant real talk into my life on the daily. And that one time, when I was in a genuine crisis and you stayed on the phone with me until I was better, and I thanked you for being a really good agent? Thank you for reminding me that you are also, in point of fact, my friend. Champagne wishes and all the rest of it. We’re here because of you.