Professor Bombast was feeling very worried. He was quite sure the stress of his job was making his hair fall out. He had just dealt with a furious phone call from a mother because her child had been sent home with food poisoning – the third child to get food poisoning at the school in the last week. Professor Bombast was starting to wonder if Miss Crabb was doing a good enough job in the kitchens.
“Oh dear, oh dear,” he muttered. He munched two Chump bars in a row and tried to think of a solution. He was losing pupils fast, and the west wing of the school was definitely falling down – Madame Stringy had taken a nasty tumble last night on the rotting stairs. He needed money, and he needed it at once. Professor Bombast groaned as he remembered the expensive stuffed bear he’d bought for the library. He wished he’d never bought it, but he couldn’t help himself. Collecting stuffed animals was his favourite thing ever!
Just then, the phone rang. “Pandora Pants School for Show-offs,” Professor Bombast droned into the receiver while staring angrily at all the stuffed animals he’d spent his money on.
“Bombast, you old fruit, I’ve decided to make a generous donation to the school,” bellowed the voice on the other end. “A VERY GENEROUS DONATION.”
Professor Bombast knew the voice at once. It was Ivan Firensky. Of all the pushy, bossy parents he had to deal with, Ivan Firensky was the pushiest and bossiest. But his daughter Tatiana was clearly going to be famous, and that would be good for the school’s reputation. So Professor Bombast had to put up with both of them.
“That’s, um, very kind of you, Mr Firensky,” Professor Bombast said. “How … er … how much exactly?”
“TWO MILLION POUNDS!” Ivan Firensky’s voice boomed down the phone. “On one condition. That my darling daughter is the ONLY star of your Look at Us! show. She must be the centre of attention! Do you understand me, old fruit?”
Two hours later, Professor Bombast was teaching the Attention Seeking in General class and wondering what he’d let himself in for. He had agreed to take Ivan Firensky’s money and make Tatiana the star, but looking at Tatiana’s sour face, he realized this might have been a terrible mistake.
The class were forming a huge human pyramid, and Tatiana was supposed to be at the top. Working with other pupils was not her strong point, however. She was kicking the other children underneath her, and complaining loudly that her hair was getting messed up.
“Teamwork, chaps, teamwork!” Professor Bombast called, trying to sound jolly.
“Rah! I don’t think so!” Tatiana gave a vicious wriggle and leaped down.
With a lot of screams and shouts, the pyramid of show-offs came tumbling to the ground. Half the class, naturally, burst into tears on the spot. If you have ever taken a tumble in gym class, dear reader, you will know that those soft blue mats are actually quite painful to land on.
Professor Bombast rubbed his forehead. “Class dismissed,” he said weakly.
Elspeth Hart was watching at the side of the room. A clever plan was starting to form in her mind. The Look at Us! show was going to be VERY interesting this year.