Kix and I went for ice cream at Blue Cow. We sat outside on the patio after dark and watched the Roanoke River gurgle and swirl. The same water had previously rushed by Ronnie’s apartment, a mile north. I got lost in my thoughts and in the strawberry bovine largess, and was surprised to find Kix had fallen asleep in his chair, still gripping the kiddie spoon.
I cleaned him, got him in his car seat, and we drove home.
Except we didn’t. I blinked and we were in the parking lot outside the River House where Ronnie lived. I hadn’t intended to, but some kind of autopilot assumed control and driven where I subconsciously wanted to be. Five stories aglow and glazed with cheer. The attached Tap House was active, patrons arriving for dinner or a nightcap. Many of the large industrial windows were uncovered, giving partial insight into the residents’ living rooms. Televisions flickered on walls and music drifted down.
I checked the map on my phone—Ronnie was home.
The day’s accumulated aggravation weighed on my shoulders. I’d been fired. It felt like a dishonorable discharge, even though my client was satisfied. I didn’t need the approval of Hugh or Robert, but I did need the approval of myself. And I withheld it. Louis was free and Jeremy Cameron was bruised and battered and Alec Ward was still missing and both their mothers were scared.
It wasn’t a game, yet Louis was winning.
That made my skin crawl. Would keep me awake with despondency. Would drive me to Ronnie’s.
My phone buzzed. A text.
>> What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night, so stumbles upon my apartment’s balcony?
I smiled despite the ache and replied, That’s not how Shakespeare wrote it, Ronnie. And you don’t have a balcony.
>> I know, but you love that play.
>> I’ll try again.
>> Imagine my delight at checking your location and finding you at my doorstep!
>> I’m cleaning my apartment at the speed of light but it’ll take weeks.
>> Instead you should come up and ignore how many clothes I own.
I closed my eyes. Forced myself to keep the car’s engine running.
Behind me, Kix sighed in his sleep.
I texted, I cannot. Though it’s not because I don’t want to.
>> Meet me at the door.
>> We will…what do the kids say…we will Netflix and chill.
>> On my couch. And then again in my bed.
I replied, I have Kix with me.
>> Even better! I’ll fix breakfast in the morning and hug and kiss you both for hours. I’ll earn my way into your heart through hospitality.
>> I’m at the door now. Where are you?
I saw her then. She stood in the spilling light at the River House’s lobby. Waiting to let me in. Her hair was held up with a clip. A couple guys left the restaurant and went into the lobby, moving around her. They took second looks. And a third. Her nightgown didn’t amount to much. She was worth third glances even fully clothed.
She called my phone.
I answered and said, “Your father would be ashamed of the outfits you prance around in.”
Her voice, the rosiest of notes, was warm in my ear. “My father thinks my appearance is a tool I should use more often. Like I’m doing right now.”
“It’s working.”
“I was thinking about you earlier, Mackenzie. And about Christmas parties.”
“Objection. Counselor Summers is befuddled.”
She said, “I think it’s sad you don’t get to go to any. You work alone. No co-workers. No bosses, no employees. No parties. No peers.”
“Especially no peers.”
“Which can be ideal. Except for the times when it’s not. Your profession is difficult, and you do the work because you’re good at it, but also because very few can, and it’s necessary. That’s honorable and virtuous. But I was thinking, I’m sure Mackenzie gets lonely.”
“Maybe. I don’t have to do gift exchanges, so that’s good.”
“Are you lonely now?” She said it in a half-whisper and the hairs on my neck stood.
“I am.”
“I know the cure for that.”
“No you don’t. You offer a temporary respite.”
“But if we hurry, the respite can be administered twice, Mackenzie. Please come inside.”
“Are you lonely?”
“I think I am more lonely than you’ll ever realize.”
“Does your fiancée know you’re lonely?” I said.
“Who cares.”
“I do. Because I care about all things pertaining to you.”
A frustrated sigh in my ear. “He knows to some extent. But he’s not the kind of man I would admit it to.”
A car parked and a girl got out. Ronnie knew her and opened the glass door for her and they chatted a moment in the lobby.
I watched her smile at her friend. Watched her lips move. Watched her perfect posture and proud shoulders and her long legs.
I dropped the car into drive and motored out of the parking lot.
Ronnie’s voice returned to the phone. “That’s you leaving. Isn’t it.”
“That’s me. Running for my life.”
“You break my heart, Mackenzie.”
“You’re far too lovely a person to enter a marriage wrecked from the start, Ronnie.”
“Say my name again. I like it.”
“No.”
“Did you know a big storm is coming? It’s called a nor’easter. My girlfriend just told me. A cold front is building in the tundra and heads south through Canada soon. Meteorologists say it’ll collide with warm air up from the warm Atlantic and cause a big storm. Isn’t that appropriate?”
“You and me.”
“We’re a beautiful disaster waiting to destroy everything,” she said.
“In your scenario, you’re the hot front coming north, aren’t you.”
“Of course. Did you see my outfit? Those two boys almost tripped over each other.”
“I don’t blame them. I’m having a hard time staying on the road,” I said.
“I’m wearing you down. Soon, Detective, you will be in my arms.”
I didn’t reply. But we listened to each other breathe until I got home and parked, and I willed myself to break the connection. The sounds of her breath remained in my ear a long time as Kix and I sat in the car without moving, and I wondered what the hell was wrong with me.