IF YOU WANT TO GET A JOB, keep your job, improve your business, or know whom you can trust, you must know how to read people. You must know what their body and facial language and voice and speech patterns are saying at all times. If you do, you will have the Body Language Advantage, which can and will translate into dollars and cents.
The first thing you need to know is whom you can trust. What do their body language, voice, and communication patterns say? Do your instincts tell you something just doesn’t seem right? Are you picking up on something that makes you doubt their abilities or honesty? If you choose to ignore what you see and hear, it can adversely affect your business. No one can work with someone they cannot trust. If you are forced to do so, then you will feel compelled to monitor them constantly. To learn how to trust someone, the first person you need to trust is yourself and your instincts. In chapter 3, I shared how essential it is to learn and practice the techniques to develop your instincts and gut reactions to people. People raise warning signs through their body language. Never overlook these signs. Pay close attention and respond accordingly.
Unless there is something that instantly puts you on your guard when you first meet someone with whom you will be doing business, trust everyone until you have reason not to.
However, there are warning signs that should make you watch someone more carefully and reserve your trust in that person:
1. They talk too quickly, seem verbally slick, and their speech sounds rehearsed.
2. They insist you make a decision immediately without having time to mull things over.
3. They get angry when you don’t respond as they would like and turn belligerent or into a bully when you say “no” to them.
4. They gossip to you about others.
5. They lie and cheat and take delight in bragging about their cleverness in manipulating or conning people.
6. They constantly tell you all about their woes with the aim of getting you to help them financially or otherwise.
If you notice these behaviors in a co-worker, boss, or employer, know that you are in the presence of someone toxic and you should act accordingly. You have many options for how to deal with them. By using the Body Language Advantage, you can figure out what they are up to and with whom you are dealing and avoid falling prey to their drama and schemes.
In the business world, you can tell a lot about people in the first few seconds of meeting them, from their posture and the way they carry themselves, to how they speak, to how they shake your hand and how far they stand from you when they shake it.
When someone keeps their distance from you when they shake your hand, that is exactly what they are doing—keeping a distance. They either don’t like you or are intimidated by you. If it happens on your initial meeting, you can chalk it up to nerves or that the person doesn’t know you yet. But if they give you a distant shake at the end of a meeting, rest assured that you most likely will not be getting along or doing business together.
You may see people dusting off or brushing their shoulders with their hands as though they are grooming themselves. This may indicate deception during crucial questioning as though they are literally brushing away a lie. This grooming behavior, when there is no lint to be brushed off, is commonly seen when someone is attempting to deceive. It is usually first seen at the shoulders and continues down the body as you see the person systematically dust off his arms, torso, lap, and legs. It may also reflect a person’s insecurity.
As soon as someone sits down to interview you, you will have an inkling as to whether he likes you. The main tell is whether he looks at you. If not, chances are he is preoccupied with something else and doesn’t want to waste time interviewing you, or he simply doesn’t like you. If it is the latter and you have tried every which way to be pleasant, to bond with him, and to say what you think he might like to hear and it is still not working, sit back, relax, and smile. Say little unless you are asked a question. In other words, you didn’t get the job.
Here are other clues that say you won’t be working for nor doing business with that company or organization because the interview has gone south:
• She takes calls or continually allows others in and out her office during your interview.
• She does other work as you sit there, and she speaks to you in an annoyed tone.
• She talks about herself and her accomplishments and asks few questions about you.
• She is contentious and argues with whatever you say.
• She is belittling, sarcastic, or condescending during your meeting.
• She speaks to you in loud, harsh, or curt tones.
• She backs away from you when you speak.
• The interview ends abruptly without a term of politeness or any reference to future meetings.
Although it would be wonderful to be able to look for certain signs that mean you got the job, the process just doesn’t work that way. A job interview can go perfectly, and then someone’s less-qualified girlfriend or cousin or college buddy gets the job instead of you. But there are definite indicators that tell you the interview went well from a body language standpoint:
1. They look at you and smile during most of the interview.
2. They are pleasant and polite.
3. They lean in when speaking to you, are attentive, and nod when you speak.
4. They don’t allow others to interrupt your meeting, and they speak to you respectfully.
5. They tell you a lot about the company or organization and discuss how you may fit in.
6. They introduce you to other key people in the company or organization.
7. When you leave, they assure you that they will be in touch.
If you notice their forehead wrinkling with a crease in the middle above the nasal bridge, they don’t believe you. It is therefore important for you to explain yourself further so they get your point.
During business meetings, pay close attention to a person’s hands. You will see their open palms if they are being open, honest, and forthright.
When you are in an interview or having a business meeting and you notice the other person tilt or cock his head to the side, know that he is either not processing what you said, isn’t sure of what you said, or doesn’t believe what you said.
When his palms are down or turned to the side, that person may not be telling the whole story or may not believe what he himself is saying. He may be holding back important information or he may be less than forthright with you.
When people speak to you and their hand is straight-forward, fingers held tightly together, and they make small karate choplike movements when they speak, it means they are emphatic about what they are saying. It will be difficult to change their mind because they are extremely committed to their point of view.
If someone crosses her arms under the breasts or chest, above the abdomen, it may mean that she is chilly or just resting her arms on her tummy (something often seen with pregnant women).
Just because someone crosses her arms, it doesn’t mean that she is closing herself off to you or shutting you out. It depends on a number of things, such as the location of the arms in relation to the body.
If there is no muscle tension in the fingers as she does this, it is a good sign. It only becomes a bad sign when you see her tensing up and squeezing her forearm. In that case, it can mean stress, tension, or conflict. This is why it is so important to consider the context of the situation and additional details, such as the appearance of muscle tension and what the facial language is saying.
As I said earlier, when people lift their hands toward their face and touch each of their fingers together, it is called steepling. It can mean that the person is carefully listening to and analyzing you. In a business setting, it is a gesture that conveys power. It says that the person is thinking and judging what you are saying and doing. It says that he is in control.
When a person takes up a lot of room and spreads his work out in a meeting, it means he is showing confidence and asserting his power. Although men tend to do this more often than women, when you observe a woman doing it, she most likely is making a conscious effort to be seen as an equal and to be treated with respect.
In the work environment, when both you and the person with whom you are speaking are leaning into one another as you speak or stand, it is a very good sign. It means you are in sync and the odds are in your favor that a positive business interaction will result.
If one person is leaning in and the other one is not, it means that there is conflict and disharmony among the parties. If both people lean back, it is unlikely that they will reach a successful business outcome because of the dislike, lack of trust, or differences between the parties.
There is nothing more powerful in a business interaction than when two people lean into each other to show agreement, and they subconsciously mirror each other’s movements and body language. It means they are definitely on the same page.
If there is a group of people standing, the position of their toes and feet can tell a great deal about the group dynamics. If one person’s feet are pointed toward another’s and the pointing of the toes is not reciprocal, it means that one person feels more favorable about the other. If none of the members in the group are pointing their toes in anyone’s direction, there is usually disharmony and conflict within the group.
The office assistant to your boss is often the best barometer of what is going on with your future at the company. Because she is in close contact with the boss, who might confide in her or have her prepare the necessary paperwork for your dismissal, she usually knows ahead of others what is going on with office politics and staffing. If she was once warm and bubbly to you and suddenly turns cold, rest assured you won’t be working at that company much longer, especially if she is friendly to everyone else.
There are other ways you will know to start looking for another job:
1. You are no longer in the loop and given information by others as to what is going on in the company.
2. Your workload is suddenly given to others to do.
3. People don’t look at you and aren’t as friendly as they used to be.
4. No one asks for your help or advice.
5. People are uncomfortable around you and stop speaking when you enter a room.
In the work arena, when your boss, colleague, or client points her toes in your direction, it can mean she is comfortable dealing with you and that she likes you, which usually translates into wanting to do business with you. If, however, someone’s toes are pointing toward the door or away from you, it’s a sign that person wants out of the situation.
If you are meeting with someone and notice him tapping his feet and there is no music or his toes are on the ground but his heels are not, this is not a good sign. It means that he has lost interest or is restless and ready to leave.
