On Monday morning I dashed through the school gate early, stopping only for a quick curtsey and queen-like wave at the clapping and sprinkled laughter from a group of Year Twelves.
‘Good on you, Jade!’ someone called.
I waved again but kept going. Can’t stop now. Places to go. People to see. Well, one person in particular.
I’d sent Levi a text the day before and even looked up his home number and called it but got no answer. I was pretty sure that he was keeping his head down and his bottom lip firmly stuck out in a loser’s pout.
Fair enough. I didn’t have to be a Supergirl rocket surgeon to work out what was going on. Levi hated losing. Didn’t we all! But there was such a thing as being gracious in defeat. After all, he’d swum an awesome race – even better than I’d expected. I definitely respected him more now that I’d seen him compete seriously. And besides, my whole point had been to prove that girls could be as fast as guys. Not that we always were.
Though, in our case the girl was a clear second or two faster over 800 metres. I wasn’t going to let him ignore that delicious fact.
There were only a few guys playing kick-to-kick on the oval. When I saw Levi I couldn’t help a little intake of breath. He was standing rock still with calm confidence while the others dodged around him. When the ball came close, he jogged a few slow steps and caught it easily, as if no one else was there.
I dropped my bag, and leant forwards on the fence as Levi took two steps into a kick. The ball curved up, spinning slowly and flying over the outstretched arms of three guys waiting on the other side.
‘Hey, Levi!’ I cried, loud enough for all of them to turn my way. The only one who didn’t turn was Levi.
One of the guys said something that made Levi turn towards me slightly. Then he turned back to face the kick-to-kick crowd.
‘Leeevi!’ I called again, trying to show that he wasn’t going to get away with avoiding me. At the same time, Saxon yelled something which made Levi turn to face him, jerking his head as he replied. Saxon said something else.
By now the ball was on its way back to Levi. As the group moved towards the ball, Levi ran towards Saxon and didn’t stop until he’d pushed a broad shoulder right through him, like a bowling ball rolling through its last pin.
With a cry, Saxon ended up flat on his back.
Righty-o then. There obviously wasn’t any room for me out there, not with all the testosterone around. I rolled my eyes for the benefit of the sisterhood and turned away. It would probably be best for me to speak to Levi without any footy mates nearby, anyway. The whole macho scene was getting on my nerves.
At lunchtime, I grabbed Rene’s arm and squeezed. ‘Meet me at the bench seat, okay? I want to talk to Levi first.’
Rene squished her mouth to one side. ‘Aw . . . I’d rather go to our normal spot?’ She had a sheepish, shy look in her eye that didn’t seem right.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked, glancing up the hall at the double doors leading to the bus road. I was starting to regret that I hadn’t chased Levi after our swim and made sure he was okay. Judging from how he’d been acting in class, Levi’s response to losing the race was one huge silent sulk.
Rene nodded fast as locker doors were slammed shut around us. Then her dark eyes filled with tears and her whole face crumpled. ‘Oh, Jade . . .’ she said, and sobbed.
I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close. ‘Rene, what’s wrong?’
‘Marco and I had a fight,’ she said into my shoulder. ‘I think we broke up.’ She took a breath and looked at me, waiting for the I told you so that I’d been keeping ready all these weeks.
It was strange, I’d waited so long for this moment but I didn’t feel at all like I thought I would.
‘Come on.’ I hugged her gently, feeling bad for her crying in front of the locker crowd. ‘Let’s go to the tree.’
Five minutes later we sank into the pine needles, heads close and backs resting against the bulk of the trunk.
‘So . . . ?’ I said. ‘What happened?’
Rene sighed and shifted her feet. ‘I dunno . . . I suppose it’s his dad really. Giving Marco a hard time.’ She looked at me and frowned as if unsure how to explain it all. Then she lifted her hands, stroking one of her fingernails like a tiny pet.
‘So, yesterday?’ Rene continued. ‘They lost the game, and Marco’s dad had a go at him. I wasn’t there, but when I came over Marco started yelling at me, saying that I wasn’t there when he needed me.’
‘Well that’s completely stupid,’ I said, and was glad when Rene nodded.
‘He was being so awful . . . I said that if he didn’t stop yelling, it would be over between us.’ She glanced at me quickly then back at her hands. ‘I’m not a pushover, you know.’
I felt really guilty then, partly because she’d kept it all to herself instead of calling me straight away, but mostly because that was exactly how I’d treated her, as if she was a weak little girl who needed to be saved from Marco.
Rene sighed and shook her head. ‘He just totally lost it. Yelling that I was meant to be on his side . . . that I was letting him down.’ She snorted. ‘His veins were totally popping out of his neck!’ Then she glanced at me and went serious again. ‘So I just walked out.’
She looked so sad, trying to smile because we both knew that she’d done the right thing.
At least now I knew what to say. ‘You didn’t have any choice, Rene. He just can’t treat you like that. No matter what.’
She was nodding, still trying to smile, even though tears were falling.
I pulled her into a hug. ‘Even if he’s got problems . . . he still can’t be awful to you.’ I was holding her tight, speaking over her shoulder and looking at the mottled grey-brown lumps of the tree trunk.
Then I felt a change in Rene’s breathing and pulled out of the hug to see Marco standing just beyond the edge of our tree. He looked terrible. Not sick or anything, just . . . tight. Stressed. As if all the stuff going on in his head was creeping out of the pores in his skin.
Rene looked at me, a scared spark of hope in her eyes, and I placed a hand on her shoulder. Then we stepped out from under the branches. Marco took a step back when we reached him.
I made sure there was no doubt what I thought about all this. Be a bastard and I’ll make your life a misery was the look on my face. Not that anyone was watching me at that point.
Marco’s eyes were darting over Rene’s face, as if he was frightened of what he might find in her eyes. If I didn’t know any better, I might have started feeling sorry for the guy.
Rene just looked sad. Disappointed. At that point I would have done anything to change the look on her face.
‘Do you want me to stay?’ I whispered, squeezing her hand.
‘No,’ Rene said, looking at Marco. Then she turned to me. ‘Unless . . . will you be okay?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘I’m okay! Will you be okay is the point!’
We both laughed. Then Rene nodded gently. ‘Yeah . . . I . . .’ She took a breath. ‘I’ll be okay. Thanks, Jade.’
As I turned and walked away I sent a heartfelt prayer back at Marco – Say the right thing, don’t disappoint her. Even though I’d expected it, I didn’t really want Marco to stuff it up. More than anything, I wanted Rene to be happy.
Maybe she was a soppy romantic, but that girl was strong too. And I was starting to realise something else. The strength that helped her stay loyal to Marco, was the same strength that helped Rene stay loyal to me.
Of course, Levi was playing kick-to-kick when I reached the oval. But I’d decided that wasn’t going to stop me. We needed to talk. And besides, who says that the kick-to-kick area was off-limits to the rest of the school?
I vaulted the fence and jogged towards Levi, keeping out of his line of sight until I was right beside him. ‘Hi there, stranger,’ I said.
Levi jerked in surprise as he turned to me, then he glanced back at the footy guys as if worried about what they were thinking.
‘You don’t have to avoid me, okay?’ I said brightly. ‘You swam a great race, Levi. You were only this far off winning.’ I held up my thumb and forefinger to show a couple of centimetres. ‘Well, maybe this much,’ I laughed, holding out both hands to show a good half-metre.
Levi didn’t take the bait. His frown deepened, if that was possible. Then he turned and started walking towards the fence, drawing me away from the footy crowd.
‘Woo hoo, Jade! Great swim!’ Saxon yelled from halfway across the oval, and a few of his mates clapped.
I waved back then broke into a jog to catch up with Levi.
Near the fence, he stopped and turned. ‘Congratulations, Jade. You swam . . . well.’ His voice was stiff and robotic as if he had programmed himself to say the right thing.
I resisted the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake. Snap out of it! It’s me you’re talking to, remember?
‘So . . . when do I get my slave for a week?’ I asked. I was deliberately ignoring the tension in his shoulders and his two balled fists.
Levi shook his head, frowning. ‘You think you still deserve a prize after that?’
‘After what?’
‘That . . . those turns,’ Levi spat. ‘You never once did them when we were training, did you? You hid them from me on purpose.’
‘Well . . . yeah . . . that was one of my tactics. One of many. It was all part of my training plan.’ I laughed, but it sounded tinny. Inside I was feeling weird and slippery, as if we were on the edge of a cliff and Levi was about to slide out of my reach.
He was breathing hard. ‘Tactics and training plans . . . are you serious? What you did was plain unfair.’
A stab of anger hit me in the chest. ‘Unfair? Unfair! No one stopped you from learning those turns! You had Marco to help you the whole way.’ I held out an arm and shook it in the air. ‘Look at the length of your arm compared to mine! The size of your shoulder muscles! You want to start talking about being fair, Levi? You’re the one who said it could never be a level playing field. I never asked you to go easy on me. All I did was use my brain.’
He had his mouth open, as if he couldn’t understand what I was saying. After a while he swallowed, and walked around me.
‘Oh right, I get it,’ I said, my voice rising as he kept walking. ‘It’s okay to lose a footy game to a bunch of guys, but it’s not okay to lose a race to a GIRL?’ I yelled the last few words, challenging him to feel ashamed of what he was doing . . . to face the reality of what was going on here.
He stopped and turned. His voice was cold. ‘No, you don’t get it, Jade. All you see is that you won.’
I put my hands on my hips, eyes narrow. ‘Yes, I do. It’s about respect. You just can’t cope with the fact that I won, because I’m a girl!’ I knew I was right, but at the same time there was the hopeless, slippery feeling behind my words. I was trying to hold on for dear life.
Levi shook his head angrily. ‘Just leave it alone, Jade!’
For an awful split second his eyes went wide and his lips parted, as we both came to realised what his words really meant.
Just leave me alone . . .
Levi shut his mouth and swallowed. Then he turned and walked away.
My mouth was dry. It wasn’t meant to be like this. It didn’t have to be like this. If Levi actually faced up to what was going on, then it wouldn’t be like this . . .
Slowly I turned, vaguely aware that some kids had been watching us. I felt like screaming at them. But I kept breathing, head high, and went straight to the toilet block.
I knew Rene might be waiting for me but I couldn’t face her now. If I opened my mouth I wasn’t sure what would come out. A bloodcurdling war cry? Or just a flood of sorrow?
I passed a few groups of friends, but no one said hi or tried to stop me, maybe because of the look in my eyes.
Spinning the lock was a relief. I leant against the door and pressed the back of my head into the hard wood, letting a long breath out. My throat felt tight but I was too angry to cry.
It wasn’t meant to turn out like this.