DAY 89: GET-YOUR-FREAK-ON FRIDAY
BDSM Vanilla: The Roles and the Rules

The vast majority of us are “vanilla” people—into straight sex with light kinky variations. Few couples live in DS (dominant/submissive) or BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadomasochistic) relationships. How does a vanilla couple put a little spice into their sexual repertoire? Serious BDSM players live by this rule: safe, sane, and consensual. Amateurs can misinterpret a partner’s fantasy and deliver a hard spanking, for example, when a softer one is really desired. They might tie a partner too tightly or fail to see that a gag is causing a panic attack.

A Quickie Guide to Light Kink

• There are two basic roles: dominant and submissive. Switch them around.

• Buy your toys at a store such as Babeland (or online at Babeland. com), where you can get instructions on using them safely. Test equipment on yourself before using it on your partner. How does that gag feel? Those handcuffs? That belt whacked across your thighs?

• Adopt a safe word or phrase like the players use. That word shouldn’t be “no” because saying “oh, no, no” when you mean “oh, yes, yes” is part of the game. Choose something like “red” or “peanut butter,” which you both acknowledge means STOP.

• If you try something to please your partner and don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again. (Partner, don’t nag or whine.) Realize that fantasies are not wishes meant to be acted upon. Interpreting them takes some skill. Work it out together.

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