Image DAY 215: GET-YOUR-FREAK-ON FRIDAY
Get Your Laugh On

A slew of sex books by stand-up comics have landed on my desk in recent weeks. If you want to be really freaky, get your laugh on. Laughing about “bad sex” (and preferably not yours) is a bonding experience, just like watching a funny movie where the characters keep getting love and sex wrong. Sometimes sex is funny.

This comes from Rebecca, who looks ten years younger than her thirty-eight years, a tiny, stunning, fashion-savvy woman with that creamy cafe au lait skin—a woman who looks like she must be hot in bed. But, she says, not so much. She’s blunt and bold, and she should be a stand-up comic.

Whatever happened to straight sex? Men want all this stuff! Anal! Coming on your face! What’s wrong with your penis in my vagina? Men don’t want women. They want dolls they can pose like porn stars and do whatever they want to them.

Sex isn’t fun anymore. I’d rather eat Häagen-Dazs.

I don’t come that often anyway.

If a guy is going for my elusive orgasm, I should tell him: We could be here all day and I have to go to work.

In my head I’m thinking about cleaning the bathroom while he’s trying to get me off. I look at my feet and wonder if I’m pointing them enough. I have to keep cute poses! Then I realize that I need a pedicure.

And I’ve lost the possibility of orgasm.

Uh! Oh! Uh! . . . Oh, I don’t think so.