DAY 270: BIG O THURSDAY
Visualizing Arousal

The first step in the Orgasm Loop—the no-fail technique I created for reaching orgasm—is to visualize arousal. If women can “see” arousal, they can’t deny it. Could a man deny his erection? Numerous studies have shown, however, that women routinely deny arousal. Hooked up to sensors, watching erotic videos, many say, “I’m not aroused by that porn!” though their heart and breathing rates are elevated and their vaginas are lubricating. In denying arousal, they short-circuit their own orgasms.

Further complicating the issue, we get confused between desire and arousal. For decades, sex researchers and therapists accepted the model of sexual response developed in the 1960s by Dr. William Masters and Dr. Virginia Johnson: Desire precedes arousal. New studies contradict that. Neurobiologists report that women’s brains are blazing with arousal before they even experience desire for a sexual encounter.

1. Close your eyes, clear your mind of distractions, and visualize your own arousal.

2. Create your arousal image. Some women, for instance, might visualize their genitalia—lips sweating and moisture forming, the color changing to deeper pink. Other women might visualize a flower, perhaps an orchid. Some women might see arousal as a color, perhaps pink, red, or saffron yellow, the color of Saraswati, the Hindu goddess of knowledge and the arts who embodies the wisdom of Devi, mother goddess in Hindu mythology.

3. Focus on your arousal image every time you use the Orgasm Loop. It is the mental equivalent of an erotic mantra.

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