DAY 279: SEX ED SATURDAY
Handling His Desire Curve

Men have desire curves, too. Their sexual performance is even more affected than hers by a range of factors, including being overweight, a sedentary lifestyle, prescription and recreational drugs, and alcohol. Ironically, his fall from New Relationship Euphoria (NREU) sometimes leads him to use recreational drugs and alcohol to increase desire. (Big mistake.)

NREU is a chemical high (see page 177). The first neurotransmitter chemical firing off in your brain when you are strongly attracted to someone new is phenylethylamine (PEA), a natural form of amphetamine, influencing sexual arousal. Norepinephrine, a second euphoria-inducing chemical, kicks in and elevates blood pressure. PEA releases dopamine, the body’s “feel good” neurochemical, stimulating the production of oxytocin, dubbed the “cuddle chemical” because it encourages bonding and attachment. This powerful cocktail of brain chemicals creates a state of euphoria, intensified by intercourse and orgasm.

What can you do when the high trends down?

1. Accept that you cannot sustain a NREU high throughout the decades. You can, however, create peaks in your valleys, a pattern of undulating waves of desire.

2. Don’t make reckless choices. Standing up for monogamy is not my job. You make your own decisions—but make them from knowledge of sex science, not fear, such as the fear of losing your sexual potency or being stuck in a marriage without passion.

3. Don’t expect her to make all the effort at reviving your sex life when it slumps. Take an active role.

4. Break sexual habits. Habituation is deadly in a sexual relationship. You have to shake it up. Learn some new tricks.

5. Do what scares you a little, which might mean taking more emotional risks with your woman, opening up, and sharing your fears and desires.

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