DAY 292: GET-YOUR-FREAK-ON FRIDAY
The “Overtaken” Fantasy

Women do fantasize about being “overtaken,” but not in a brutal way. The classic “rape fantasy” is the erotic extension of the fairy tale myths of our girlhood. Sleeping Beauty. Cinderella. Snow White. The fair maidens do not choose; they are chosen. They do not act; they are acted upon. The prince awakens them. If you doubt the lingering power of that myth, ponder this: Why else would so many women be reluctant to touch themselves during intercourse, ensuring their own orgasms? The deep desire to be transported on the penis alone is the sexual awakening myth.

In our big girl fantasies, he wants us so badly that he rips off our panties. (Read any romance novels lately?) But, he is the prince, always the prince, who satisfies us completely, and not that icky troll living under the bridge.

According to an article in The Journal of Sex Research, between one-third and one-half of women have had the fantasy. The conventional wisdom of therapists holds that it gives women permission to enjoy sexuality. (“The girl can’t help it.”)

Whatever its roots, the fantasy of romantic ravishment creates conflict in some women and confusion in men. Tell him your fantasies. Talk about what they really mean. He probably doesn’t realize how important those princess myths have been in the lives of little girls and women.

Relax and enjoy your fantasy—and know that fantasizing a romanticized takeover does not mean you want to be attacked.

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