Twenty-Six
The enema is a regular practice in the lives of people who neither suspect the erotic role it has played in human history nor realize that the eroticization of enemas (klismaphilia) is a widely known sexual variation. In order to understand the use of enemas, whether in D&S or other erotic play, one must first understand the enema’s evolution. In this chapter, we take a brief look at the long history of enemas and hear from:
• Kevin C. who is 37 years old and works as a research and statistical consultant. He is the founding leader of the Water Sports Support Group on CompuServe.
• Nancy Ava Miller is 45 years old. She founded People Exchanging Power (PEP), a national network of S/M social groups.
An enema is an anal injection of liquid into the large intestine to induce defecation. An enema kit comprises a plastic or rubber bag which is filled with liquids, and a rubber hose and nozzle. A clip may be attached to the hose to prevent or regulate flow. The most common nozzle used is the Bardex tip, which can be inflated with a small pump so that once the tube is in place, it cannot slide out accidentally. Another type favored by klismaphiliacs is a double Bardex. This has two ballooning sections that can be inflated—one inside the body, the second immediately outside the anus. The double Bardex secures the tube so that it can neither slide down nor move up.
The most common (and some say the only justifiable) medical uses of enemas are to ease bowel movement in cases of extreme obstipation; to empty the bowel for medical procedures (such as colonoscopy, or a preoperative preparation); to introduce a tracing agent (as in a barium enema); or to manage bedridden or otherwise debilitated patients. Enemas may also be required when someone has become so dependent upon them that normal bowel function is compromised. For the most part, physicians now believe that laxatives are more effective (although not necessarily less addictive) in the treatment of constipation than are enemas. Mainstream medical opinion does not support many enthusiasts’ belief that enemas promote superior health and personal well-being, an idea probably derived from antiquated notions of health and purging.
One of the earliest historical records of enemas is found in an Egyptian text (circa 1500 B.C.), which advised the use of laxatives and enemas to combat constipation and recommended that all people receive enemas at least once a month. In the Fifth Century B.C., Herodotus alleged that Egyptians had derived their ideas about the value of enemas from watching their sacred bird, the ibis, which was reputed to relieve constipation by probing its own anus with its long, slender beak. Surviving stone carvings and hieroglyphics attest that Egyptian enema nozzles were fashioned in the form of an ibis beak or the entire head and beak.1
The purging of the body was a medical and philosophical obsession in Europe from the Middle Ages to nearly modern times, as conjecture about the accretion of bile and other supposedly lethal toxins was widely accepted as fact. The theory that the body comprises “humors,” which are subject to lethal imbalances, was described by the Greek physician Galen (circa A.D. 130–200), whose writings were the basis of medieval European medicine. Physicians advised purging, whether through induced vomiting or enemas (and often supplemented by bloodletting), to restore the body to its natural balance. In Chaucer’s “The Nun’s Priest’s Tale” a poetic and medically astute chicken recommends that her friend, a nightmare-afflicted rooster, ingest caustic laxatives to purge the black toxin buildup which indubitably caused his problems.
The enema—once also called clyster from the Greek klyster (“to wash out”)—was eventually adopted as a universal panacea.
The “clyster of pipes” is mentioned by Shakespeare (Othello, Act II), and in Gulliver’s Travels, Jonathan Swift has his hero punished by being given an enema. During the reigns of Louis XII through Louis XVI, the French court made extensive use of enemas, especially for ladies of fashion and the male court dandies.
—LARRY TOWNSEND2
In France the enema enjoyed a long vogue and became something of an art form. Clystering was an institution at the court of Louis XIV and consequently was imitated throughout society. Pharmacists known as limonadiers des postérieurs3 (a vernacular modern translation would be “soda jerk of the backside”) visited patrons’ homes equipped with an astonishing variety of nozzles and mixtures each morning. Specific clysters were used for specific purposes.
The clyster was like a daily vitamin pill, facial, and high-fiber breakfast. It cleansed and rejuvenated, and during the reign of the Sun King [Louis XIV], a day without an enema was a day without care to health and hygiene. Nobility and royalty typically took three or four clysters a day. Commoners administered their own. Even in French jails, prisoners from the better families were not deprived of their right to a daily clyster. Through advertisements and word of mouth, clysters acquired the reputation of increasing sexual potency and curing impotency, which heightened their appeal.
—CHARLES PANATI4
Although no documentation exists as to what specific erotic pleasure enthusiasts derived from the administration of the clysters, the relish with which enthusiasts—including notables such as Casanova and Cardinal Richelieu, according to Panati—welcomed their multiple daily invasions at least suggests that the sensation was probably not unpleasant.
By the mid-19th Century, the popularity of enemas had greatly declined as the ill effects of their excessive use—particularly impairment of the natural bowel function—became known. Also, since abrasives or caustics were frequently added to the clyster solution, a spectrum of disorders—including weakening and rupturing of the large intestine—resulted. Any irritants in an enema solution are dangerous.
The belief that enemas serve a vital health purpose by purging the body of toxins has not disappeared. Actress Mae West, for one, publicly advocated the regular use of enemas as a foundation of superior health.
The practice of giving enemas to children to combat illness is an old custom that has persisted into this century. Moreover, some parents also administered enemas to children as a form of punishment or control. The superfluity of these measures was noted by Wilhelm Stekel over 40 years ago.
Some mothers imagine themselves to be particularly clever when they administer an enema to the baby whenever he cries. If the child, thanks to the stimulation, quiets down, the proud mother is sure she has helped the baby to get rid of the annoying “gas.” Every bit of stool released by the enema is interpreted as proof that a dangerous accumulation of excrements in the body exists. All superfluous treatments of this kind, as well as too frequent insertions of the thermometer, contribute to the development of anal erotism and may cause constipation and dependence on enemas for an entire lifetime. No child has ever died of constipation. 5
That an enema can be extremely humbling is no secret; nor is the fact that energetic voiding of the bowels may leave one “calm.” The salutary effects on a child’s obstinacy—however cruel the method may seem to us now—undoubtedly persuaded many parents of the enema’s practicality. Many klismaphiliacs assert that their attachment to enemas began in childhood. For some, this was one of the few times when close physical contact between parent and child was permitted.
The continuing use of enemas to purge toxins is the triumph of belief over science. A healthy body is adequately efficient in ridding itself of wastes without the assistance of invasive, albeit well-meaning, technology. While no data are available on the prevalence of home enema administration, Fleet enema kits for adults and children are readily obtainable in every drugstore, suggesting that a fairly sizeable population uses enemas for reasons other than strictly medical. Stekel believed that the use of enemas by adults is a thinly veiled expression of anal eroticism.
Grown people, too, are ridiculously fussy about enemas, purging herbs, and other forms of irrigations, all designed to provide a masturbatory stimulation of the anal zone under the pretext of a hygienic measure. 6
Today professional enema administration is on the decline in hospital settings and on the rise at “colonic irrigation” spas, which tout their services much as the old French limonadiers did, claiming somewhat mystical benefits for regular internal cleansing and promising a relaxation bordering on spiritual serenity. This trend was spoofed in the 1991 film LA. Story.
Many people, however, simply enjoy enemas for their erotic pleasure. These individuals may perceive some health benefit but consciously pursue enhancement of their sexual well-being. Those who accept the erotic aspects of enemas seem to be most at ease with their activity. As a group, klismaphiliacs often remain extremely secretive and guilty. Many fear that their desires may become known and damage their professional or community standing. Fear of disapprobation, even among individuals who do not seek change, may help explain the popularity of colonic irrigation spas: Many find that a medical rationale permits them an otherwise taboo pleasure.
A preponderance of evidence suggests that the contemporary klismaphiliac is typically someone who received enemas in childhood.
Quite frequently, there seems to be some kind of a sensitizing experience in childhood. Usually it’s having some sort of an enema from a mother, a female relative, or a nurse.
—KEVIN C.
This generalization is probably most pertinent to the person who is uniquely aroused by the enema itself and not by the roleplaying which may coincide with it. Often this is a person who self-administers an enema, enjoying the sensation.
There’s a very distinct physical sensation when you’re getting an enema—for a man, the prostate, as I understand it, can be very alluring. Women are not into enemas or ass play as much as men, I think because women don’t have a prostate, so it’s not as enticing.
—NANCY AVA MILLER
Speculation that klismaphilia may have an anatomical basis (for example, that individuals who are aroused by enemas have more nerve endings near the anus than do others) dates back at least to Krafft-Ebing, but no scientific study has tested this assertion. Anecdotal information, however, suggests that klismaphilia is, at least for some men, an “acceptable” (i.e., heterosexual) means of receiving stimulation to the anus.
In addition to the direct anal eroticism, the klismaphiliac may also keenly appreciate the rituals of preparation and administration; he may enjoy touching (as well as smelling or hearing the sound of) the rubber equipment, and he may also enjoy the odor of the solution.
The volume of liquid in the enema is often a key pleasure. (But it can represent a danger—and possibly be fatal—if a person attempts to introduce too great a volume of water.) Many klismaphiliacs feel comforted and aroused by the fullness in their bowels.
Psychodrama is also important to many klismaphiliacs. While klismaphiliacs may not enjoy any other type of D&S activity—and may firmly reject being labeled dominant or submissive—some power exchange is inherent in a majority of enema fantasies.
I do [enemas] for two reasons. Number one, I enjoy the sensation. I don’t think that enemas are really that much different than any other form of male stimulation. It’s, for me, a turn-on. [Second], I have this little streak in me which enjoys getting into D&S-type activities, and this can fit in real well with that, as well.
—KEVIN C.
For the D&Ser an enema scenario may be a paradigmatic power experience. D&Sers who incorporate enema play into their power exchanges typically discover the erotic possibilities of enemas later in life and presumably without decisive childhood experience.
Enema play can take dozens of forms. According to several professional dominants, three very popular partner-oriented fantasy scenarios exist among D&S klismaphiliacs. In the first, a stern dominant erotically coerces the submissive to accept an enema in a D&S context, usually as punishment or discipline. The submissive may be bound or otherwise restrained, and his or her predicament may be further enhanced by verbal teasing or humiliation, fetish gear, or by a spectrum of ancillary D&S activities.
With my husband, I give him the enema, and sometimes I dress him like a woman or tie him up.
—NANCY AVA MILLER
In the second, an “older relative” insists on administering an enema to the defenseless “child” “for his own good.” This scenario obviously entails ageplay; it may also combine such D&S elements as erotic coercion, erotic humiliation, or an over-the-knee spanking preparatory to the enema. The parent figure may be fully benevolent (such as a “loving mommy” who is showing tender concern for her “little boy’s” health), or the parent may be slightly sinister (such as an “exasperated father” who punishes a “willful and disobedient daughter”).
Finally, many klismaphiles fantasize about a “nurse” who is compelled, for medical reasons, to administer an enema to a hospitalized or helpless patient. Again, fantasies vary. The nurse may be a figure of gentle concern, a merciful angel ministering to the patient’s special needs, or she may be a capricious and austere symbol of institutional cruelty. In the latter case other D&S activities may coincide, including rigid bondage.
I really like [being a top in an enema scene]. I have my nurse uniform that I like to play in, and I play the naughty nanny kind of thing. The sense of control and knowing exactly what it feels like and exactly what I’m doing to the other person—and that person being vulnerable to me in that way—[are] more erotic for me than bottoming in that particular direction. It’s not an area that I play infrequently, but those aspects of my sexuality are a big part of who I am.
—VICTORIA B.
Punishment scenarios, while hardly universal, are prevalent, even among klismaphiliacs who otherwise have no interest in D&S and who do not perceive themselves as being submissive.
A typical [enema] scenario might involve some roleplaying where you have one person [exercising] power over another. It could be a teacher-student, a parent-child, a master-submissive-type relationship, and the person who is submissive has done something which deserves punishment, so the enema itself originates out of that.
—KEVIN C.
For the D&Ser, an erotic enema holds the possibility of acting out vulnerability in a primal form.
I started with enemas after I learned that there was quite a lot of pleasure to be had from my ass. And there’s something very submissive about my partner [making] me take a certain amount of liquid. I feel it in my stomach. I’ll go, “Please, no more!” I’ll beg and beg. And he goes, “I think you can take just a little bit more.”
—LINDSAY
The erotic enema scenario captures the very nature of the D&S power exchange in a most explicit form. The submissive is nude or partially nude (while the dominant remains dressed); the submissive is often bent over so that his or her anus is prominently exposed both to view and to manipulation; the submissive’s anus is handled (often lubricated) and then penetrated; the dominant controls the amount of fluid introduced into the rectum; if a Bardex or double Bardex is used, the submissive cannot remove the tube; the release of the fluid is also controlled by the dominant, who may additionally compel the submissive to accept a large quantity or to retain the fluid (in some cases, dominants may remove the nozzle only to replace it with an anal plug, so that the submissive cannot void until it is removed); and, finally, once any obstructions are withdrawn, the submissive has no choice but to relieve the cramping, either in private or in the presence of the dominant.
The emotional charge of each stage of this experience can be profound. Depending on the individual’s attitudes toward privacy, the inability to control one’s bowels can itself be a source of psychosexual excitement. Humiliation seems to be a key erotic pleasure for many klismaphiliacs and certainly contributes to the submissive’s sense of helplessness.
Finally, just as limonadiers of historic France once prepared esoteric mixtures (whose contents were jealously guarded secrets), today’s klismaphiliac, too, is known occasionally to use exotic additives. Many early clyster solutions contained tobacco, which caused nearly instantaneous intoxication and, if used regularly, addiction. (Limonadiers also used a clyster pipe to blow tobacco smoke into patrons’ bowels. For a time, this was a standard treatment to revive fainted women or victims of drowning.)7 Although tobacco has gone out of fashion, contemporary practitioners are known to add such depressives as wine or stimulants as coffee to their enema solutions. Any stimulants, depressives, or caustic substances added to enema solutions pose potential health risks, some life-threatening. Alcohol, for example, is absorbed into the bloodstream and remains in the blood after the solution is excreted. Further, a much higher degree of absorption may occur than in oral ingestion, posing the threat of a toxic reaction. The rectal mucosa are extremely sensitive and easily irritated. It is also a given that enema equipment must be sterile.
Generally speaking, neither klismaphiliacs nor their partners come into direct contact with feces. Researchers have noted that enema enthusiasts are often extremely concerned with personal cleanliness. Indeed, if the enema is understood as a cleansing ritual, there’s no contradiction between a klismaphiliac’s fastidiousness and his love of enemas. The enema nozzle effectively blocks elimination until it is removed, and, once the nozzle is removed, the recipient generally hastens to relieve him- or herself, usually in private.
Klismaphilia, however, occasionally seems to be confused with the different practices of coprophilia (“brown showers”) and coprolagnia. Although all groups are interested in the anus and feces, the klismaphiliac eroticizes the act of receiving an enema and banishing waste; the coprophile eroticizes stool and desires contact with it; and the coprolagniac wishes to witness defecation.
Coprophilia (also known as scatology or scat) is rarely perceived by water-sports enthusiasts as being part of their Scene and is often considered too extreme a fantasy to be safely or sanely acted out.
Brown showers are very rare—or maybe very rarely admitted. A lot of [men] will say it’s fantasy only; they wouldn’t ever want to experience it. That’s sort of where I’m at. I have brown-shower fantasies, but I don’t think I could ever fulfill [them]. It’s like a rape fantasy: Most women fantasize about rape, but nobody in their right mind truly wants to be raped.
—NANCY AVA MILLER
Aside from the societal taboos, the handling of feces poses definite, serious health risks, which skyrocket if ingestion occurs. The colon is a haven for bacteria which are not necessarily harmful as long as they remain inside the colon. But contact, and particularly ingestion, of another’s or one’s own excreta presents a spectrum of possible infections, some of them life-threatening, as some fecal bacteria may be pathogenic or hemolytic.
Scatology holds a notoriously bizarre place in history: Caligula was reputed to have been a coprophile, and Adolph Hitler a coprolagniac. In D&S pornography coprophilia appears in the guise of descriptions of “toilet slaves,” severely degraded masochists who serve their dominants as human toilets. Between pornographic fantasy and reality lies a chasm difficult to breach. Judging by available videos and erotica (the Germans seem to specialize in scat), toilet slavery is certainly a known fantasy. But its practice has not been well documented. We were unable to locate any D&Sers who described coprophilic encounters, possibly because of awareness of the extreme health risks involved.
As to scat, this is the brown-hankie specialty, and one which mercifully few have taken up. Surely the most dangerous of activities from a health standpoint, I’ll explain it but beseech you not to try it.
—LARRY TOWNSEND8
Deriving erotic pleasure from viewing elimination seems to be considerably more popular than is direct contact with feces. According to Havelock Ellis,
In Parisian brothels (according to Taxil and others) provision is made for those who are sexually excited by the spectacle of the act of defecation (without reference to contact or odor) by means of a “tabouret de verre” [glass bench] from under the glass floor of which the spectacle of the defecating women may be closely observed.9
Jonathan Swift was sufficiently fascinated and repulsed by defecation to write poetry on the topic. James Joyce’s love letters to his wife include explicit descriptions of his erotic interest in watching her defecate.
While documentation of coprophilia is scarce outside of psychiatric studies, and although we were unable to find anecdotal information on this practice, coprolagnia appears to be an occasional feature of some D&Sers’ play, though their motives seem to differ from the clinical coprolagniac’s. A dominant may, for example, control the submissive’s eliminatory habits, including whether or not the submissive may use the toilet at any given moment. Part of this discipline may include the dominant’s free access to the bathroom, even when it is being used by the submissive. The motivation is to deprive the submissive of privacy and thus to add erotic humiliation. We did not speak to any D&Sers who claimed to be aroused by the sight of defecation, but we assume they exist.
I came on CompuServe before [the Water Sports section] was created and lurked in the Variations section. I never saw anything about water sports. So one time I just dropped a message saying, “Is anyone else interested in enemas?” I was amazed at the size of the thread that resulted from that. That prompted me to approach [management] about creating my own section [about five years ago]. After my section was created, I knew there would be some interest out there, but I didn’t know how long it would last. I’ve been pleasantly surprised that it has remained a relatively busy section. There is a core of regulars that have been around since day one, as well.
Water sports and golden showers were put together in this section out of convenience more than anything else. In the case of golden showers, there seems to be real strong interest on the part of the participants in the sight aspect of it, the feel of the warmth of the urine hitting you, and the smell seems to be an important factor, too. Golden showers is not an area that I have a whole lot of personal experience in, so I have to pretty much rely on what people on the board [the on-line discussion area] say. Of the many different kinds of people that we get in the section, the golden-shower people are probably the most shy and reticent to speak, so it’s real hard to get a handle on those folks. [Folks into enemas are] definitely less shy.
Soap-suds enemas are very popular. A lot of people will say that [just the smell of] a certain brand of soap turns them on. Usually it’s males who are speaking up and saying they have this interest, and they do have some kind of an experience with an opposite-sex person.
I think the turn-on varies from person to person. I’d say 50 percent of our members use it in some kind of a D&S context. In the case of golden showers, for instance, it can be a humiliating thing, and that can lead to some kind of arousal or interest among the D&S people. The enema people are a little different. I would say some of them also are into [D&S], but people are mostly into the sensations [and] the physical stimulation of it. I think it’s probably the physical sensation to some extent for the other 50 percent, but there seems to be some appeal to doing something that’s taboo.
There are some things that show up on the board occasionally. Some people are into urethral masturbation. There have been some discussions of catheterization. One thing that’s really kind of surprised me—I don’t think anything shocks me anymore—is that people who are into brown showers and some related activities have popped in. It never dawned on me that anyone would even consider these [to be] water sports. I know that it makes some of the members of the section a little bit nervous. It’s just a little too far out for them.
[Using alcohol in an enema solution] comes up from time to time. It is an activity that I try to convince people not to do, mainly because it is absorbed very, very quickly through the rectum. Also, it’s a solution that seems to be really irritating to your intestinal tissues. There’ve been reports in literature of people ending up in the hospital with rectal bleeding and all sorts of not-so-fun things.
There seems to be a real strong overlap between the people who are into enemas and the people who are into spanking. I see that a lot more than people who are into what I’ll call, for lack of a better term, general D&S-type activity.
I’m pretty shy about telling women of my interests, to tell you the truth. It’s not something that I could do with someone that I’m going out with casually. There’d have to be some element of trust there and some sort of a continuing relationship before I would bring it up.
It usually takes people back a little bit. I’ve probably brought this up eight times in my life, and I would say six of those times, the response was, “You’ve got to be kidding! There’s no way you are going to do that to me.” The other two times were a little different. One person was into some D&S activities—she kind of enjoyed punishment scenarios and being spanked, and it didn’t take much to convince her that this might be something that was fun. And it turned out that it was very workable. I don’t think she really liked the physical sensations. I think she found it a little bit embarrassing the first couple of times, in fact, but it did turn her on, and it really wasn’t difficult to convince her that this was something that we were going to do occasionally. It was a good relationship.
The other [woman’s] response was basically, “I’ll try anything once.” We got about halfway through a bag before she called it quits, and she didn’t want to do it again. Of those who were not interested in being given enemas, there were a few who had no problems with giving them to me. It wasn’t a matter of, “This is a totally disgusting habit,” or “This is something I’m squeamish about,” [but] “It’s just something I don’t want done to me.”
Obviously I was disappointed, because this is an activity that I really enjoy doing. On the other hand—and maybe this is a little bit of a sense of lack of self-esteem on my part—I pretty much just accepted it as the way it was. Most people are probably not going to like this activity, and it’s not something that I’m going to force on anybody. [But] not one of them wanted to stop seeing me because of my interest. I think that’s one reason, especially when I was younger, that I was really reluctant to bring this up: I was afraid of rejection [and that] I was going to be labeled as a kinky, undesirable person, and that she was going to disappear forever. It hasn’t happened with me. In fact, we’ve had several discussions in the group where people will talk about experiences they’ve had bringing up golden showers, enemas, whatever. By and large, I think people’s fear is far more dramatic than the reality.
There have been some limited discussions in the section where people have been concerned about what kind of disease could be transmitted through these activities. I think the golden-shower people probably bring it up more often than the enema people. It’s funny, because I think if either of those folks are at risk, the enema people are, if they share enema equipment. It is best for everybody to have their own.
If I had only two choices now—vanilla [or] submissive, I would go back to being submissive. I realized that it was not whether you were dominant or submissive—it was the game that I was interested in. One might add the game doesn’t seem like a game when one is playing it; it seems very real when you’re involved in it. My experience has been very positive as a practitioner.
Back in 1979 I was giving a lecture at the University of Maryland to a creative-writing class, and there [was] a gentleman in the audience who, although I didn’t know at the time, was a dominant transvestite. We started dating and fell in love, and he gradually exposed me to this. Before I knew it, I became his sex-love slave and loved it. [But] he got very sick [and] decided that he didn’t want to get married—we had been planning marriage. Also, my son was very sick, and my ex-husband decided he didn’t want the children anymore, so I [needed more space]. Because the kids were coming back, I decided to move to New Mexico. There I put an ad in a local Albuquerque magazine, met a wonderful man named Bob, and we ended up getting married. He was not into S&M. [We] thought I could just sort of shake the obsession, but I found the further away from it I was forced to be because of marriage, familial obligations, and such, the more obsessed with it I became. After several years of marriage, Bob suggested that we have an open marriage.
I got 36 responses [to a personal] ad. It read something like, “Attractive female writer, age 33, new to Albuquerque, seeks …” and then I had a list of adjectives: intelligent, sane, reliable, et cetera. At the very end, I put “domineering man.” I didn’t even know the word dominant. Except for one lawyer, who wrote [that] he was into spanking, they all wrote that they were everything that I wanted [except] domineering. I concluded at that point that it was going to be difficult to find another dominant man. Five years later, when my husband and I broke up, I placed an ad for a submissive man. I wanted a love slave. That ad said, “Attractive, dominant female seeks submissive, obedient, gentleman, nonsmoker, nonweirdo, nondruggie, for kinky love.”
I got 170 responses to that ad. I was shocked. That was the first notion that I ever had that there were probably millions of us out there.
One of the men [who replied to my ad] gave me a book by Dr. Gini Graham Scott, Erotic Power. I read the book in one or two sittings, and my jaw was hanging open to think that there were organizations for people like me. As soon as I read the [term] support group, I knew I was going to form my own group. I realized that I [had] tapped into something very basic. As I go along, I continue to realize that the submissive fantasy is within all of us, probably. And with men it runs very deep.
An amazing thing I’ve come to realize over the years is that most women have no idea what men are really thinking sexually. There are husbands who call me up for female domination, and most of [their wives] have no idea that their husbands want to have the women tie them up or give them enemas. They just think they’re nice family men who are dominant [at home], lawyers or doctors. My feeling is that if you can tap into that submissive aspect of a man, you can control everything about that man. I was beginning to come in touch with that when I got those 170 responses. A year and a half later I was still getting letters from that advertisement.
I personally hold the greatest respect for the submissive man. I don’t think there’s anything meek or wimpy about [him]. I think [for him] to accept and embrace his disposition, even if he only accepts it on a mental level and never tells anyone about it, means he is a very strong individual. He’s going against the whole dictate of society, because from birth, the dictate is the opposite: protector, family man, dominant.
PEP [People Exchanging Power] started out as a support group in Albuquerque for people who were interested in D&S and erotic love relationships, and then it turned into a network of support groups. They can get counseling from me or from other women, and in the future we’ll probably have men. You can call for counseling or if you want an S&M experience over the phone. And there’s my professional domination.
My background is in education; I have a Master’s in education. Before I started PEP, I did a lot of volunteer work with cancer patients. I have a handicapped child, and my other child was very difficult to raise. So I got involved with Tough Love groups. It was like a natural outgrowth of this kind of altruism that I believe was left over from my hippie days. From early memory I’ve also had a need or desire to control things.
[I’ve] only done one golden shower, and I loved it. I’m a little wary of doing other [water sports], I guess because of my own inhibitions. When I do enemas, I’m always giving. Now, personally, I’m an enema addict. I do two, three, four enemas a day. It also turns me on when I give it to men.
The golden-shower scene is very popular with men. I would say probably 80 percent to 90 percent of the men I talk to have some sort of urine fantasy. Of course, most of the men that I talk to are admittedly submissive, and they’re calling for some form of domination. [Of] the men I talk to, maybe 30 percent are into enemas. In terms of brown showers, it’s less than five percent.
Lately, I’ve been doing something really interesting over the phone. I tell the man to get an enema bag filled with hot water and one cup of coffee. The water should be a little bit hotter than body temperature. This is usually someone that I’ve done before over the phone. I have him insert maybe a cup or a cup and a half of the enema water. And then … well, I used to teach Transcendental Meditation for years, along with the Mahareeshi around the globe. I also took the est training, and I had my second child under hypnosis, so I’m interested in that sort of stuff. I have been meditating for 21 years, every day, twice a day. So over the years I’ve concocted this technique: It’s a compilation of [things]—a little bit of TM, a little bit of the est, and a little bit of hypnosis. I put [the submissive] into this relaxed state, and I introduce sexual components into the visualization, if you will. After about half an hour of very deep relaxation, where I’m having them visualize various sexual things, I have them, at the very end, empty the rest of the enema bag of water. I tell them exactly when and how to come. I tell them that I want them to have a whole-body orgasm.
This is my definition of whole-body orgasm: when you don’t feel it just at the head of your little dick; you feel it in the head, the shaft, the base, your balls, your ass, your tits, you feel it everywhere. You feel it in your heart, your soul, your mind. I want them to have a whole-body orgasm, where they’re totally oblivious. They’ve got a whole belly of enema water in them, and the coffee gives them a rush; it increases the peristaltic beat. Then I tell them to play with their dicks. Sometimes I’ll tell them to do it in a certain fashion, to use panties or to use a light stroke or a firm stroke. I say, “I want every drop. Don’t you dare hold back.” That’s how I sometimes use enemas with my clients on the phone.
Last night I had a gentleman here who was a big baby. [He] does a double session with me—four hours—and he has a big, long colon tube; it’s about two feet long. I ran that up him all the way. He dressed like a baby, and I used Dr. Bonner’s peppermint soap instead of coffee, which also gives really intense cramping and cleans you out very well. I didn’t do a whole lot with him. It wasn’t very exciting. It’s not really a D&S situation with him. He’s more like a friend who pays me to dominate him; it’s more like with a baby. He’s wearing diapers.
I have a straitjacket now that I can utilize with people. [So] sometimes I combine [it] with a bit of bondage, certainly humiliation. Sometimes I’ll give the enema and make [a man] lick me. I don’t typically get involved in that intimate a fashion with someone who’s in a professional relationship with me, although I have a few people who are very special to me. Very often I’ll have them masturbate for me. I’ll fill them with enema water and make them kneel, assume the position, or lie there in a semifetal position.
[One doctor’s] research determined that the type of humiliation that men typically enjoy—which would be the type that an enema would supply—is not usually the type that most women go for. Men like being denigrated. Women might be displayed naked in front of a group of men—or women, for that matter—but usually their display is to enhance their femininity. So whereas a man might be displayed naked and have women pointing at his penis, “Oh, look how small, how useless!” a woman would be displayed for the opposite purpose—the revering of her femininity, of her body.
When I was submissive I felt myself to be out of control. I had to be manipulative and figuring out ways that I could get little bits of control here and there in my life. With my partner, and as a dominant, I now have a new sense of humility. I am so humbled by the experience of being dominant, to have people turn their lives over to me, and to have so many men truly love me. Not that they want to leave their wives or marry me, but that they feel a sense of gratitude that I have really made a change in their lives. Whenever I do a telephone session, at the end I usually will say, “I love you,” or “Lots of love to you,” or “I wish you love.” It’s not that I want to leave my husband and marry that person and take him to all the family Bar Mitzvahs. But at that moment I can truly talk about love with that person and mean it wholeheartedly.