I was another beautiful day on the beach in Malibu, California. Sarah smiled as she walked across the sand, picking up trash as she went and taking in the beautiful natural environment all around her. The sun, the sea, the birds, the breeze . . .
Then she spotted Jackson in the Surf Shack. She smiled, but her expression suddenly changed to one of shock.
Was he spraying his hair? With a product that came out of an aerosol can? Jackson was nothing more than an environmental vandal!
“Jackson!” she shouted. “Jackson, what are you doing?”
“Just locking in perfection, baby,” Jackson replied smoothly. “I call it shellacksin’ the Jackson.”
Her mouth dropped open. Not only was he destroying Mother Earth, but he was mispronouncing the word “shellacking” to rhyme with his name! Sarah loved poetry almost as much as she loved baby seals. She felt a shiver of unease that only got worse as Jackson continued talking.
“Gorgeous and water-resistant to two hundred meters,” he said, referring to his hair, which now resembled a helmet.
“But aerosol sprays are ruining our ozone!” Sarah cried. “Aren’t you worried about global warming?”
“So my grandkids will never see a polar bear, big whoop,” he said with a shrug. “I never got to see a dinosaur; you don’t see me crying about it.” He frowned as he shook the spray can. “Oh, man, I’m all out.”
He tossed it onto a pile of used aerosol containers. Then he reached under the counter, picked up another can of hairspray, and started spraying his hair again.
Sarah gasped. “You can’t just leave those here,” she protested. “They have to be properly disposed of in a hazardous-waste facility.”
“Oh, I’ve got a hazardous-waste facility,” he answered, hopping over the counter. “I call it the Pacific Ocean.”
“But that will pollute our beaches!” she protested.
“I don’t care,” Jackson said, trying to sound casual. He looked her right in the eye. “Aren’t I horrible? You should break up with me.”
There, he thought. That ought to do it. Rico, she’s all yours. . . .
But Sarah looked at him with sympathy. “Break up with you?” she said. “You need me now more than ever.”
Jackson couldn’t believe his ears. “What?” he asked in shock.
“This is perfect!” Sarah exclaimed happily. “I was feeling guilty about spending time with you when I could be saving the world, but now by spending time with you, I will be saving the world!” She gave him a big hug, then pulled back. “Ow, your hair hurts.”
“All right, look,” Jackson said. He hated to do this—it was his last resort—but she had left him with no choice. He had to tell her the truth. “I—I don’t have a crush on you. I never had a crush on you. When I came to talk to you, I was talking about Rico. He’s the one who likes you.”
Sarah listened intently. She looked over in Rico’s direction and frowned. “He doesn’t look like he likes me,” she said doubtfully.
Jackson turned to see what she was looking at. “Sweet niblets!” he cried.
Rico strolled up to them, his arm slung around the shoulder of a very pretty girl. He had a huge smile on his face.
“Excuse me,” Jackson said. “What are you doing?” he asked Rico.
“Chillin’ with my new girl, Rrrrrrosalita,” Rico said proudly, rolling the Rs in grand Spanish style.
“But what about Sarrrrrah?” Jackson asked, rolling a few Rs right back at him. “You were nuts about her.”
“I was,” Rico agreed. “Until I met Rosalita.”
“Sarah!” Jackson insisted, trying to get Rico to come back to his senses.
“Rosalita!” Rico argued.
“Sarah!” Jackson tried again.
“Rosalita!” Rico wasn’t budging.
Jackson sighed. He knew when he had lost. He turned back to Sarah. “Look, Sarah, I’m really—”
“It’s okay,” she said through gritted teeth. “It’s obvious you weren’t emotionally ready for me.”
“Yes!” Jackson cried, his eyes filled with hope. Could it really be this easy? “Yes. Thank you for understanding.”
She took a deep breath and tried to center herself. Then she gave him a very sweet smile. “That’s why I’ll wait.”
“Huh?” Jackson asked, a familiar feeling of doom creeping into his stomach. It was the same feeling he got after almost every one of his schemes crashed and burned.
“I waited six years for the California low-flow toilet initiative, and I can wait for you,” Sarah said, a serene expression on her face. “’Bye!”
As she gave a little wave and walked away, Jackson made one last attempt to save himself from this situation.
“But I’m not worth waiting for!” he yelled after her. “Ask anybody!”