The Man Who Believed in Nothing
by Jim French
This script has never been published in text form, and was initially performed as a radio drama on December 23, 2001. The broadcast was Episode No. 26 of The Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, one of the recurring series featured on the nationally syndicated Imagination Theatre. Founded by Jim French, the company has currently produced over one-thousand multi-series episodes, including one-hundred-and-twenty-two (as of this writing) Sherlock Holmes pastiches. In addition, Imagination Theatre has also recorded the entire Holmes Canon, featured as The Classic Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. This is the only version in which all the episodes have been written by the same writer, Matthew J. Elliott, and with the same two actors, John Patrick Lowrie and Lawrence Albert, portraying Holmes and Watson, respectively.
This script is protected by copyright. For permission to reproduce it in any way or to perform it in any medium please apply to www.jimfrenchproductions.com
THE CAST
SHERLOCK HOLMES: John Patrick Lowrie
DR. JOHN H. WATSON: Lawrence Albert
REVEREND KENNETH PAIGE: Frank Buxton: Distinguished Vicar of a small old Anglican church in the town of Harrow. Well-educated, British, Age 60
ALICE VAN METER: Kate Fleming: Choir director and organist for the church. Age 37, single
REVEREND HENRY LANTRY: Dennis Bateman: Assistant Pastor. Mild-mannered, frail, Age 35
MRS. HUDSON and MATRON: Lee Paasch: Head nurse of a British Mental Hospital. Age 60’s
MUSIC - OPENING, DANSE MACABRE AND UNDER
WATSON: My name is Doctor John H. Watson. To some of you who have followed my stories about Sherlock Holmes, it may seem that his services were always in constant demand. However, in the fall of 1889, despite having solved the hideous killing in the Tuttman Gallery several weeks earlier, Holmes experienced a period of inactivity. In the first week of December, I had just attended a patient whose condition had worsened, and now required immediate admittance to a sanitarium. Being only half-a-mile or so from Baker Street - and needing a change of mood - I decided to stop around at 221b for a visit with Holmes.
MUSIC - OUT
SOUND EFFECT - SEGUE TO STREET SOUNDS. DOOR OPENS
MRS. HUDSON: Oh, it’s Doctor Watson! Come in, Doctor! How nice to see you!
WATSON: It’s good to see you, Mrs. Hudson. How have you been?
SOUND EFFECT - DOOR CLOSES. STREET SOUNDS DOWN
MRS. HUDSON: Oh, still hale and hearty, thanks be. And yourself? You’re looking fine!
WATSON: I’ve been quite busy lately. Is Holmes in?
MRS. HUDSON: Yes, he’s in. I was just going up to collect his breakfast dishes. (LOW) You know, Doctor, for the past fortnight, he’s been in one of his gloomy spells. But then a letter came this morning, and I think he’s back to his old self.
WATSON: A letter, eh?
MRS. HUDSON: By special messenger, at six a.m.! It must have been good news, because he began to bustle about, and I even heard him whistling. He never whistles.
WATSON: Well, we know he has his moods, but give him a juicy case, and he’s right as rain.
SOUND EFFECT - TWO PEOPLE CLIMBING STAIRS
MRS. HUDSON: And how is your wife these days?
WATSON: Mary? She’s in excellent spirits, I’m glad to say. Today she’s poring over a cook book, planning what to serve for Christmas.
MRS. HUDSON: Ah, then she likes to cook, does she?
WATSON: (CHUCKLES) Can’t you tell? I’ve had to buy new suits!
SOUND EFFECT - STEPS STOP. MRS. HUDSON TAPS ON DOOR. PAUSE, THEN DOOR OPENS
HOLMES: Watson! Come in. I was just thinking about you.
WATSON: Hello, Holmes. I was just in the neighbourhood-
HOLMES: -visiting a highly contagious patient.
WATSON: Now how on earth can you tell?
HOLMES: (CHUCKLES) The marks from the sanitary mask are still impressed on your face.
WATSON: Eh? They are? I must have tied it too tightly.
HOLMES: And by the evidence of your new clothes, your practice must be flourishing. Feel free to take the breakfast tray, Mrs. Hudson
MRS. HUDSON: (MOVING OFF) Yes, I’ll only be a moment.
WATSON: And how is it with you, Holmes?
HOLMES: My life has become a study in boredom. Scarcely a whisper of interest from anyone since that museum horror. But then this morning, a glimmer. A letter came from out of town, making me think of you and your predilection for idylls in the country.
MRS. HUDSON: (FAR OFF) Well! I see for once you ate every scrap!
SOUND EFFECT - (FAR OFF) DISHES STACKED
HOLMES: And Mrs. Hudson, I shan’t be dining here for the rest of the day, so you are now free to go and buy out the stores.
MRS. HUDSON: Buy out the stores, indeed!
SOUND EFFECT - (UNDER ABOVE) MRS. HUDSON WALKS OFF, PLATES JIGGLING. DOOR OPENS. SHE GOES OUT. DOOR CLOSES.
WATSON: You are in a chipper mood. Is it the letter?
HOLMES: Like to hear it?
WATSON: Certainly.
SOUND EFFECT - NOTE HANDLED
HOLMES: (READING) “Dear Mr. Holmes: Knowing of your most excellent reputation in solving all manner of difficulties, may I trouble you to consider helping us locate one of our clergy who is missing? He is quite disturbed, and I fear he may try to harm himself. It is urgent that he be found before a tragedy takes place, and it is equally urgent that this matter remain confidential, for reasons which I will explain in detail if you will grant us the goodness of your help. I prayerfully await your earliest reply, for time is of the essence, and a life may hang in the balance. May God bless you. Most sincerely, The Reverend Kenneth Paige, Vicar of the Anglican Church of Harrow.”
WATSON: Well. What do you think?
HOLMES: I sent a telegram this morning, telling him I would be there this afternoon. You wouldn’t like to come with me, would you? I may need your medical knowledge, and I am almost certain that you won’t be chased by a crocodile this time. Of course, with a busy practice like yours...
WATSON: Nonsense. Old Jackson would be glad to take my patients for a day or so, and Mary is so busy with her shopping, I doubt she’d even notice I’m gone. Of course I’ll come with you, Holmes! With pleasure!
MUSIC - UNDERCURRENT
WATSON: It was late afternoon when Holmes and I arrived in the Middlesex town of Harrow. The church stood on a road of gabled houses. On one side was a small cemetery, and on the other was a large two-story house. It was here that the Reverend Paige had arranged to meet us. He welcomed us into a darkly-panelled study, warmed by a wood fire.
MUSIC - OUT
PAIGE: So terribly good of you to come so promptly. May I offer you tea or coffee? Or we do have some hot mulled wine.
WATSON: Well! After a chilly trip, that would make me most wel–
HOLMES: Perhaps later, thank you. Now, about the missing man. How long has he been gone?
PAIGE: Since last night.
HOLMES: You’ve called the police?
PAIGE: No, as I mentioned in my letter, this is a... delicate matter.
HOLMES: Delicate in what way?
PAIGE: Well, Father Lantry certainly wasn’t in his senses when he left?
HOLMES: Oh?
PAIGE: Miss Van Meter tells me she found him in a despairing mood last evening, before our service. They spoke for a few minutes, then went their separate ways. Then, at just before seven, when I entered the sanctuary to prepare for Vespers, I discovered the gold altar cross and a pair of silver candlesticks were missing. Well, of course the first thing that entered my mind was that we’d been robbed!
HOLMES: The church isn’t kept locked when it’s not in use?
PAIGE: No. Parishioners may need to come into the sanctuary at any time for prayer or meditation. But, thinking we’d had a burglar, I immediately went to the sacristy to see if anything there was missing, and a silver communion chalice was gone, along with the morning’s collections!
WATSON: Oh, I say. What a shame.
HOLMES: And what about the missing man?
PAIGE: Father Lantry didn’t turn up for Vespers, so I conducted the service by myself. But immediately after the benediction, I hurried up to his room to see if he was ill. And there... I found the missing items. Now you see why I must shield Father Lantry form any public shame.
HOLMES: Tell me all you can about him.
PAIGE: Well, he grew up in this parish, and came out of the seminary and served as a deacon. Then he accepted a call to replace the chaplain at Blackwall Prison, but that turned out to be too much for him.
HOLMES: In what way?
PAIGE: Associating with that low class of men every day caused him to doubt his faith, and that brought on a nervous collapse. He resigned his post as chaplain, and the Diocese decided it would be best if he were put under treatment at a mental hospital. Parkhurst Hospital, in the West End.
HOLMES: Be more specific about what brought on his condition and what it did to him.
PAIGE: Well, many of the prisoners he ministered to - or tried to minister to - had committed unspeakable crimes. They were such brutal men, that no matter what Henry did, it seemed to do no good. The anger and the violence he encountered eventually broke his spirit. But in hospital, he seemed to have convalesced well, so we welcomed him back to the parish, and found quarters for him right here in the vicarage.
HOLMES: I take it he’s unmarried?
PAIGE: Oh, yes.
ALICE: (OFF) Father Paige?
PAIGE: Oh, yes, Alice, come right in. Gentlemen, our choir director and organist, Miss Alice Van Meter. Alice, these are the gentlemen who so graciously came up from London to help us. May I present Mr. Sherlock Holmes and Doctor-
ALICE: Doctor Watson? It’s Doctor Watson, of course! (MOVING ON) Excuse me, I can’t believe I’m actually in the same room with Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson! I’ve read everything about you, Mr. Holmes!
HOLMES: Most kind of you.
WATSON: I’m glad you enjoy the stories.
PAIGE: Now, Alice, I’ve been telling the gentlemen about what happened last night, and I thought they might have some questions for you.
ALICE: I’ll tell you all I can, gentlemen.
HOLMES: The Vicar was saying Mr. Lantry spent some time in mental hospital.
ALICE: Ten months and a week, to be exact.
PAIGE: But he gradually improved, and seemed to be anxious to resume his duties in the Parish. We thought he was getting along rather well.
HOLMES: The Vicar tells me you spoke with Mr. Lantry last night, shortly before he turned up missing.
ALICE: Yes.
HOLMES: Did you have any concerns about him at that time?
ALICE: Yes, I did. But... well, he spoke to me in confidence.
PAIGE: If you can throw any light on our search for him, my child, you ought to realize that his safety is of paramount importance. Please tell us what he said.
ALICE: Well, as you know, he’d been struggling with his faith, and... and he’d had another of his blank spells. He’s been having them right along, but he didn’t want you to know.
HOLMES: Describe these spells.
ALICE: He forgets whole hours of time. He... he won’t remember doing this or that... It’s as if his mind went to sleep for a short time, and then woke up again.
HOLMES: Watson? Have you ever heard of this?
WATSON: Well, it’s rare, but not unheard-of. The literarure mentions it from time to time, but I haven’t seen it personally. It may be what they call a “fugue” state.
PAIGE: Is it considered a form of insanity?
WATSON: Well, you know there’s no reliable measure for insanity. There’s a broad line between normal and abnormal behaviour.
HOLMES: What brings on these “fugues”?
WATSON: Sometimes it’s a shock of some sort. And typically he won’t remember the cause when he comes out of it.
HOLMES: And so Mr. Lantry confided in you that he was having these mental lapses. What else?
ALICE: He... he was terribly disillusioned by his work with the prisoners. I think he questioned why God would permit Man to do such horrible acts.
HOLMES: Are you saying he lost his faith?
ALICE: I... Yes. I supposed that’s what it comes down to.
HOLMES: May we see his room?
PAIGE: Certainly. Just follow me.
ALICE: May I come too?
PAIGE: Of course.
SOUND EFFECT - (UNDER) GROUP ASCENDING STAIRS
WATSON: The priest’s room was upstairs in the back. It had a thin rug on the floor, curtains at the window, a narrow cot, a chair, and a writing desk, with a painting of “The Last Supper” hanging on the wall. The room was dominated by a heavy mahogany armoire.
SOUND EFFECT - STEPS STOP
HOLMES: Where did you find the missing goods?
PAIGE: There, in the armoire. Go on, open the wardrobe doors. You see, all his clerical garb is hanging there. Two complete sets - that’s all he had. So he left here wearing layman’s clothing.
MUSIC - UNDERCURRENT UP AND UNDER
WATSON: Holmes pulled open the drawers beneath the wardrobe. They were empty. He stood quietly in the middle of the room for several seconds. Then, he walked to the cot and carefully lifted the blanket, then the pillow, and then the thin mattress, and there - under the mattress - lay a single sheet of paper. He picked it up.
MUSIC - OUT
SOUND EFFECT - SINGLE PAPER FLEX
HOLMES: Half-a-sheet of cheap writing paper, torn in half down the middle. Would you recognize Mr. Lantry’s handwriting?
PAIGE: I think so.
ALICE: I would.
HOLMES: Is this his writing?
SOUND EFFECT - PAPER FLEX
ALICE: Yes, it’s his. But what’s this he’s written?
HOLMES: It appears to be a list.
PAIGE: What does it say? “God, self, humanity, country, royalty...”
ALICE: “...Government, education, money, science, intelligence, (PAUSE)... love...”
PAIGE: “Law, loyalty, honesty, sympathy, and service to others.” What is this?
HOLMES: Things people believe in, it would seem.
PAIGE: Why would he have written this?
HOLMES: I’m more interested in what he wrote on the half that was torn away.
WATSON: How do you know he wrote anything on the other half of the paper?
HOLMES: Because, Watson, here... on the very edge where he tore it, is the start of another line of writing. You see it?
WATSON: Oh! I’d missed that.
PAIGE: He may have thought better of what he wrote and thrown the other half away.
ALICE: Mr. Holmes, how in the world did you know to look under his mattress?
HOLMES: I thought he might have left a note before he left, and the only place to hide one in this room - if not in the armoire - was in or under the bed. Now: would you, by any chance, remember what Mr. Lantry was wearing when you saw him last night, Miss Van Meter?
ALICE: Why, he was still in his vestments.
HOLMES: Does he own a coat?
ALICE: Yes.
HOLMES: And a hat?
ALICE: Yes.
HOLMES: Then where are they?
ALICE: Why, I don’t know.
HOLMES: Well, I think, for the moment at least, we may discard any fear that he’s taken his life. He would hardly go to the trouble to dress against the weather if he went outdoors only to commit suicide.
MUSIC - UNDERCURRENT
WATSON: But the question remained, where had the Reverend Lantry gone - and why? Holmes requested a private interview with Alice Van Meter, and the two of them went down to the sitting room by themselves for a few minutes while I had coffee with the Vicar. Afterward, Holmes joined me in the study. The Vicar excused himself to attend to some parish business. Holmes paced around the study in an impatient mood, puffing on his pipe. And then suddenly, he whirled and smote his forehead.
MUSIC - OUT
HOLMES: Of course! I think I know where he is!
WATSON: Where?
HOLMES: Watson, make our goodbyes to the Vicar, while I see about hiring a carriage to take us to the train station.
SOUND EFFECT - FADE UP: TRAIN IN MOTION
WATSON: We were able to catch a southbound train at 5:05 p.m., which made many stops on its way to London. During the trip, Holmes appeared to have fallen asleep. But then he said, without opening his eyes-
HOLMES: Go on, Watson. I’m not asleep, and you’re about to burst like a tea kettle. I can feel the pressure from here, so ask away.
WATSON: Well! To begin with, where are we going?
HOLMES: To Notting Hill. To the Parkhurst Hospital. That’s where I believe we shall find Reverend Lantry.
WATSON: What makes you think that?
HOLMES: The hospital was his first place of refuge after quitting his job as a prison chaplain. But when he left there, he may have still felt he’d lost his faith. No doubt he feels a great confusion and guilt. Where else to go but back to Parkhurst? But Watson, if I’m right and we find him, I have reason to believe we can help him!
MUSIC - UNDERCURRENT
WATSON: We got off the train at Notting Hill Station and took a hansom to Ladbroke Road, where there stood a manor house with a sign saying “Parkhurst Hospital”. We approached the matron on duty at the front desk.
MUSIC - OUT
MATRON: May I help you?
HOLMES: We are here to visit a patient. Henry Lantry.
MATRON: Your names?
HOLMES: Sherlock Holmes.
WATSON: Doctor John H. Watson.
MATRON: Oh. Has Reverend Lantry been your patient, Doctor?
WATSON: Uh, why, uh...
HOLMES: Doctor Watson is here in a consulting capacity. He is a specialist, as am I.
MATRON: I see. Well, if you’ll excuse me for a moment, gentleman-
SOUND EFFECT - SHE GETS UP AND WALKS OFF. DOOR OPENS/CLOSES
WATSON: (LOUD WHISPER) Consulting capacity?
HOLMES: Perfectly truthful. We are consulted by clients all the time, aren’t we?
WATSON: Well, yes, I suppose that’s right. But what if they don’t let us see him? He may be too ill... or he may not want to see anyone.
HOLMES: Our mission was to find him, and apparently we’ve done that. But there is more to learn about this, which will be of some use to he Vicar...
SOUND EFFECT - (OFF) DOOR OPENS/CLOSES. WOMAN WALKS ON
MATRON: This way please.
MUSIC - UNDERCURRENT
WATSON: She led us into a comfortably appointed office, where we waited a moment or two, and then she returned, with a pale, thin, haunted-looking man. He barely spoke as we were introduced. The matron remained in the room.
MUSIC - OUT
LANTRY: What do you want with me?
HOLMES: We want to help you.
LANTRY: They all want to help me, but there is no help, not for me. How did you know where to find me?
HOLMES: A fortunate assumption. Reverend Lantry, I think I-
LANTRY: Don’t call me that! Don’t call me Reverend, not any more.
HOLMES: Very well, Mr. Lantry. I think I know why you left the parish so suddenly. You believed you had stolen money and valuables from the church while you were not aware of what you were doing. And when you came to your senses and found these things in your room, you decided to leave and come back here before you did something else, perhaps something worse.
LANTRY: I don’t know how you would know that.
HOLMES: We found the note you left.
LANTRY: The note?
HOLMES: This.
SOUND EFFECT - PAPER CRINKLES
HOLMES: You did leave this under your mattress?
LANTRY: I... forgot I left it there.
HOLMES: What did you do with the other half of the page?
LANTRY: How did you know there was another half? I was going to burn it. Destroy it! But I kept it. I don’t know why. The madness, perhaps.
HOLMES: Do you still have it?
MATRON: It’s with his things. Do you want me to get it, Henry?
LANTRY: Yes, you might as well.
MATRON: I’ll be right back.
SOUND EFFECT - A STEP. DOOR OPENS. STEP OUT. DOOR CLOSES.
HOLMES: Are you treated well here?
LANTRY: As well as I deserve.
WATSON: Look here, Mr. Lantry... Holmes has information that will relieve your mind.
LANTRY: Nothing will relieve my mind! I’ve been cursed by Blackwall Prison! I went there to bring God to the inmates, but the inmates took God away from me!
HOLMES: But they couldn’t do that, could they? Didn’t Saint Matthew quote God as saying, “I am with you always”?
LANTRY: Matthew 28, Verse 20. “I am with you always.”
HOLMES: “Even unto the end of the world.”
SOUND EFFECT - DOOR OPENS. STEP IN. DOOR CLOSES
MATRON: Is this what you want?
SOUND EFFECT - PAPER UNFOLDED
LANTRY: Yes.
HOLMES: May I see it?
LANTRY: Here.
HOLMES: Hmm. Now it makes sense. The list I found on the left hand side of the paper has a list of things to believe in.
LANTRY: Things I ought to believe in... things I used to believe in! Mr. Holmes, I left the chaplaincy in Blackwall with no believe left in me! It was burned out of me! I struggled day after day, but I felt like an empty shell! So one night, I wrote down the things I ought to believe in, starting with God, so I could think and pray about them. Then, on Sunday evening, after talking with Alice... Did you meet Alice..?
HOLMES: Yes, we met her.
LANTRY: Well, I went up to my room and took out the list... and I saw that I had written something opposite each of the objects of believe! While I was out of my senses! It was so horrible, I tore it away!
HOLMES: But look, Mr. Lantry. Look at these two lists. The right column isn’t your handwriting.
LANTRY: Oh, I’m afraid that it was my hand, guided by the Devil! Look what I wrote! Opposite “Service to Others”, I wrote “Waste of Time”! “Opposite “Law”: “A contrivance of the ruling class”! Opposite “Love”: “Animal Emotion”; and worst of all, opposite “God”: “Superstition”! I came back to my room and found what I’d done - stolen the cross and the rest - and knew I had to leave right then!
MUSIC - UNDERCURRENT
WATSON: We were allowed to spend the night talking with Lantry. It wasn’t until eight o’clock the next morning that the doctor in charge permitted us to take Henry Lantry back to Harrow with us. And it was noon when we got back to the church, and Holmes asked the Vicar to meet with Lantry and me in the study, and for Alice Van Meter to join us and bring her notes for the upcoming Christmas program.
MUSIC - OUT
PAIGE: I’m overjoyed to have you back with us, Henry, and we shall do everything possible to make things just as they were before.
HOLMES: Or possibly not.
PAIGE: What do you mean? Father Lantry seems to be quite himself again!
LANTRY: I may still have occasions when I go blank, but my doctor tells me these will gradually go away. But during the past few hours, Mr. Holmes made several things clear to me, and now I must make everything clear. Alice?
ALICE: Yes, Henry?
LANTRY: I told Mr. Holmes about our conversation on Sunday.
ALICE: You did what?
HOLMES: He told me how you had thrown yourself at him, Miss Van Meter.
ALICE: Why, you surely don’t believe that!
HOLMES: Didn’t you tell him that you could bring him health and happiness if you would marry?
ALICE: We discussed our understanding, yes, but-
LANTRY: We had no understanding, Alice, but you were so determined that we should be married-
ALICE: Don’t think I haven’t had a lot of chances! Every bachelor in this parish wants to marry me! But I saved myself for you, Henry!
HOLMES: And how did this conversation end, Mr. Lantry?
ALICE: You won’t tell him that, Henry! You mustn’t!
LANTRY: She kissed me. I didn’t expect it, but... she kissed me!
HOLMES: And then what happened?
LANTRY: I was so dazed, I didn’t remember anything until I found myself back in my room. And I opened my armoire and I saw the cross and the chalice and the candlestick! Of course, I thought I’d taken them from the sanctuary myself, without realizing it. So I knew I should leave and go back where I couldn’t do any more harm. I went back to Parkhurst.
HOLMES: How did those items get from the church and into Mr. Lantry’s room, Alice?
ALICE: He took them! He’d been in the prison too long, you see, and it turned him into a criminal! I tried to protect you, Henry!
HOLMES: May we see your notes for the Christmas service?
ALICE: What?
HOLMES: The notes you shared with me during our talk a few minutes ago.
SPECIAL EFFECT - RUSTLE OF PAPERS
ALICE: Here.
HOLMES: Now, Mr. Lantry, the half page you tore away because you thought you had written it?
LANTRY: Yes, here it is.
SPECIAL EFFECT - SINGLE RUSTLE OF PAPER
HOLMES: Compare the handwriting, Reverend Paige.
PAIGE: (PAUSE) The writing on the right half is different.
HOLMES: Now, compare it to Alice’s writing.
PAIGE: This is Alice’s writing!
HOLMES: Mr. Lantry listed the things he believed in. He’d shown you his list. He told you where he kept it. You took the opportunity to add to it, at the time you hid the objects from the church in his armoire, hoping Mr. Lantry would think he had written it, just as you hoped he’d think he’d stolen the goods! It was all part of your plan of revenge because Mr. Lantry refused to marry you. Isn’t that right?
ALICE: (PAUSE) I forgive you, Henry. You’re not in your right mind. After we’re married, I’ll take care of you.
PAIGE: Alice... my child... you’d better come with me now.
ALICE: (FADING OFF) You don’t need to be afraid anymore, my darling. I’ll protect you. I love you! I’ve always loved you...
PAIGE: (OFF) Come along, Alice
ALICE: (OFF) They’re evil men, Henry! Like the men in the prison-
SPECIAL EFFECT - DOOR CLOSES
MUSIC - UNDERCURENT
WATSON: The Vicar had a long talk with Alice Van Meter. More than that we weren’t told. But it was enough to satisfy Holmes, and we returned to London on the next train. A few days later, we received an invitation to come back to Harrow for the Christmas Service at the church. To my surprise, Holmes said that he’d be there... if my wife and I would come with him. Which, I’m happy to say, we did.
MUSIC - DANSE MACABRE
NARRATOR: You have heard “The Man Who Believed in Nothing”, written and directed by Jim French. “The Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes” features John Patrick Lowrie as Holmes and Lawrence Albert as Doctor Watson.
WATSON: And this is Doctor John H. Watson. I had many more adventures during our long friendship, and I’ll tell you another one - when next we meet!