HANDICAPPED CARS ARE DANGEROUS
Teacake was the nickname of a laborer who worked at C. A. Parsons, an engineering firm. He had a wooden leg and a personality to go with it. I only tell this tale because it involves one of the strangest vehicles on the road in the sixties, a government car given to people who’d been injured or wounded in the army, or who had a handicap. They were all painted blue, they had three wheels (nice and safe, then), a sliding door, and a top speed of 25 mph. They also had a tiller instead of a steering wheel, so boating lessons were required. Teacake had the distinction of having overturned one whilst tremendously drunk, and he was now banned from driving.
His wooden leg creaked at every step, so you always knew when he was coming, and he was always coming, especially at tea breaks. He was always after free tea. “Hey, lads, got any spare tea?”
Every day he ate a teacake with jam in it. One time, he sat moaning about it: “I’m sick of bloody jam. Every day it’s the same bloody thing.”
“Well, why don’t you get your wife to put something different in them?” I said.
“I’m not married,” he replied.
“Well, your mother then?”
“I live on me own.”
“Well, who makes ya sandwiches then?”
“Me,” said Teacake.
“Twat!” I said.