PEEING IN A PINT GLASS
Deke, as he liked to be called, was—and still is—a brilliant lead guitarist, and played with Geordie II. If he hadn’t wanted to stay close to home, he would have been famous. Deke named himself after Elvis Presley’s character Deke Rivers in the film Loving You. He loved Elvis and he loved flash cars. He had a white 1970 Daimler Sovereign, and he pampered the hell out of it; spotted dice and leopard-skin carpets. Deke never worked a day job; he got his wife to do it for him.
Deke was another of the wonderful characters that I’ve met through cars and music. His party trick was to pee in a pint glass and bet everybody he would drink it at £1 a bet. He drank it every time and made money. He said it was good for you. Personally, I’d rather cut off my scrotum with a rusty hacksaw. Deke rolled his own cigarettes, the size of a Dover sole’s dick. He’d light them and try to get one puff before flambéing his lip. His Daimler, I fear, is gone now—I’ll see what he’s got when I return to New-“Are you calling my pint a puff?”-castle. Newcastle United itself reminds me of Deke, full of fun but having missed the opportunity to be great, and I feel for both of them.